Sunday, May 26, 2013

The aquarium

We took Lea to the Aquarium today.
She loved watching the fish and her little "wow" face on the whole time.

Toward the end of the aquarium I noticed a guy who was taking pictures of Maor and Lea. I couldnt tell if he was doing it on purpose or if Maor kept getting in the way of his shots. It was pretty crowded in some parts and sometimes Maor has a tendency to not pay attention to whats going on around him. I didnt think too much of it.
A few minutes later Maor plowed ahead with Lea and I got stuck pushing the stroller behind a slower group.  The guy stopped me and asked if I had a camera to take pictures of Maor and Lea. I was about to explain that we already took a few picture and I didnt like feeling like I was in peoples way when he whipped out his phone and offered to send me the pictures he took of them.
I did give him my phone number to send them to me, said thank you, and went to go find Maor.

I hate to say it was the weirdest thing but it really was. I wouldnt be surprised if it was a professional photographer or a European but an American guy taking pictures of your husband and kid with his cell phone is weird. I kinda hate myself a little for thinking its creepy when Im sure he was just being thoughtful. Or maybe he just got the phone was going a little nuts taking pictures. They are nice.

Maor also thought it was weird, so maybe thats just the kind of society we live in now.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Sick of rain

Maor doesnt usually call at night when hes working. I know he will be home when people stop locking themselves out of things and he knows Im probably sleeping.
Last night when he called a little before midnight I fumbled for my phone fearing the worst.....because when you wake up you dont think "Well if it was him dead in a car crash the police would be calling, not him."
His friend and co-worker was having really bad chest pains and wanted to know if he should go to the doctor and where to go. His friend doesnt have insurance so they were hoping I knew somewhere less expensive to go. I dont. I know of cheap non emergency womens clinics from when I was a poor teenager but I dont know any kind of emergency places for people to go in the middle of the night.
I was no help so Maor took him to the ER. His friend had a mini heart attack from stress. Poor guy. He will be ok but he needs to relax for a bit so Maor is taking ALL the jobs. The extra money will be nice but now I have to worry about Maor having a heart attack from stress too. At least we are insured.

Im getting sick of rain. The one weekend it was nice I was sick and its been either rainy or too cold out every weekend since. Lea does not understand that rain means no playing outside and got very annoyed with me when I told her we were staying in after she waved bye bye to her toys, pointed at the door, and handed me my shoes.
I ended up taking her to a mall I use to work at a couple years ago. Its was the nations first indoor mall. When I worked there it was very outdated and sad but they have recently put a lot of money into it so now it looks great and has a few designer stores but its still VERY dead. The Mall of America is a 10 minute drive away and there is also a Galleria next door that has more stores and swankier stores (they have a Tiffanys. Sometimes I go there just to stand at the window and drool). Sad for  businesses, great for when you need to take your kid somewhere to play on a weekend when they cant go outside (also great for holiday shopping because even when its busy its not really busy). The play area for kids is very new, clean, and because of how slow the mall is there are very few children running around so I dont need to worry about Lea getting trampled on by a bunch of kids strung out on sugar who are probably too big to be in the play place to begin with.
Lea likes to sit in cars and watch the other kids.

After the play place I took her to the book store and got her 3 new books. Shes such a good little bug I just have to spoil her sometimes.

Tomorrow its supposed to rain again...and the day after that. I was thinking of taking Lea to the aquarium but I know thats something where Maor would like to be there too and I dont think hes going to be able to get even a couple hours off this weekend.
Im crossing my fingers the weather man is wrong and tomorrow will be sunny.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Im really not that interesting..

My mom and my aunt (the one that wants to buy the house with us) have been on vacation in Spain for a couple weeks. While my mom has been sending us email updates my aunt has said nothing the whole trip. I knew they were home when I suddenly got an email saying "What this about a house?"
I assumed she was asking about how the house hunting was going to I updated her on how I just put in our mortgage approval paperwork and am meeting with a banker about what payments would be like to narrow down our budget and yadda yadda yadda. She emailed me back saying "Whats going on with the house Gramzy is talking about? When in October are you going to Israel? I wanted to come out for your birthday!"

Apparently, while we were up visiting Maor sat down with my Grandma and showed her a couple houses online. She saw one she liked and got it in her head that we were going to buy it. Maor also got his months confused when he was telling her about our plans to take Lea out to Israel and said October instead of December (he does the same thing with days of the week. Tue is Thurs.) This messes with my aunt because she always comes out around my birthday to visit the family. Its not actually for my birthday anymore its just easier to schedule visits that way because its been happening for so long everyone expects it.
*shakes head*

Friday, May 17, 2013

Foot video

Recently I have been really talking to people about their fetishes. Vanilla fetishes, hard core fetishes, popular fetishes... ect ect...
I have become very interested in why people like what they do for the past couple of months. So when people have been asking if I will do this that or the other thing instead of giving a straight yes or no answer Ive been kinda holding them hostage and quizzing them about their preferences and what makes them like it.
The other day I had a conversation with someone who has a foot fetish. In the middle of our conversation he said "Usually you just dont know what you like until you try it."
I have heard that a million times. Seriously, millions of times. Usually when someone is trying to get me to change my mind after Ive said no to something. This time I hadent said no or even hinted that I dont like feet so it kinda made me stop and go "hmmm..." I asked him what kind of stuff people usually make for foot fetishes videos or pictures and he gave me a slew of examples that ranged from licking your own feet to wearing heals and crushing a mans balls. So I chewed on the info for a few days and rolled around the ideas for a bit which leads us up to tonight.

I was bored. Its a Friday night, Ive caught up on most of my shows, Maor is out working...
So I decided to paint my toe nails in my undies and film it.
It is a 12 minute video of me chilling out in my undies, listening to music, and painting my toes.
I dont say anything so if you dont like my music choice thats ok...pick your own :P
*EDIT* I just watched it and you cant hear my music...

$10 donation gets the video.

If this goes well I might make more. I had fun making this.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Where did you come from?

Ive been catching up on my shows this week so I just saw the finally of New Girl. I might not actually be as far behind as I think I am but time is all wibbly wobbly lately and usually is during summer. Anyway...
During the episode they try to stop whats her names wedding by playing Cotton Eyed Joe during the wedding walk. I instantly burst out laughing. Why?
Because Cotton Eyed Joe is a staple wedding reception song in Israel. (if you dont watch the show that makes it funny because Schmit [the guy trying to break up the wedding] is Jewish) 
My wedding reception was in my husbands home country of Israel. Out of the many crazy customs I endured to make his family happy the one that caught me off guard was this song. It was getting towards the end of the evening, everyone was dancing, and VERY drunk. The DJ was playing a good mix of popular Israeli and popular American music, even though I was the only American around, when suddenly Cotton Eyed Joe started blaring on the speakers. Everyone young and old went NUTS! I stopped, pulled my husbands friend over and said "Who requested this song?" He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Darling, we always play this song at weddings!"
I looked him in the eye and said "So its like your chicken dance?" 
"What is a chicken dance?"
"You know, da nana na na na" (I did do the dance)
"I do not know what this is. But I swear this is a traditional wedding song in Israel."
So we busted a move to Cotton Eyed Joe. 

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The masturbation fixation

Ive been having a bad/ busy couple of weeks. Now that I have run out of phone calls to make I have time to catch up on my tv shows and books and relax.

I ended up putting Lea to bed early tonight because she was super tired. I wanted a glass of wine to go with my TV shows but we dont have any in the house. Its been a while since Ive had any alone time. My last show was the last time I had fun with myself.

So I went to my room, picked out a toy and spent a good half hour to myself. I dont think guys really know how great it is to be a girl. If you hit the right spot you can have an orgasm is a second so you can imagine I had a lot of them. I had so many that it kinda started to hurt.

I feel much better. I still want that glass of wine though. Someone send one over, Im currently in a state of mush and cant go anywhere. Well,  I cant go anywhere anyway.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mothers Day weekend

I didnt mention that I was leaving town over the weekend because you never know how far google can go for someone running around with all your personal details. I've had nightmares about someone breaking into the house and standing in Leas bedroom. It has motivated me to do even more to make sure they are caught.  I found out that there are transactions on my card that never went through because they were flagged as suspicious as soon as they card ran. 3 tries were at a casino. So I filed more police reports and made more calls.

I went to my parents house to visit my Grandmother. Shes staying at my parents for most of the month to help while my mom is away in Spain sight seeing for her 50th birthday present.

We had a pleasant weekend. It was nice out but VERY windy. Lea got lots of practice balancing trying to stand up to the wind. She can walk by herself but prefers to hang on to something. You can tell when you walk with her that she doesnt really need you at all. I almost got her to let go of her walker for a piece of pie. She eyed it and walked out as far as she could while still having one hand on her walker then eyed us for a bit until she resorted to crying. I couldnt give too much pie...because her aunt who was holding the pie ate most of it while waiting for Lea to get some courage.

Mothers day was a bit of a let down. Maor does not seem to get the concept of Mothers day...or at least he says he doesnt. Last year he didnt do anything for me and this year he also didnt do anything. This year was kinda worse because I explained why it was important and that I did expect at least a card and reminded him twice the day before because he sucks with dates....and he still didnt do anything.
On our way home after I yelled at him for it he bought me a card at the gas station.... I threw it on the floor and refuse to open it.

There might be a lot of solo shows for a while.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Long day

Last night after discovering my car window smashed and my purse gone I spent a good 4 hours on the phone with credit card companies, target, and the police.

I suspect that they saw the target debit card in my purse and immediately ran to the Target in the next town over to spend the shit out of my money. The target debit card wouldnt work for them because they didnt have my pin number so Im sure they just grabbed the next card down and swiped it as credit. So they got 2 transactions totaling about $400 out of my checking account before I got everything closed.

I have two cases open with two cities. The city I was robbed in and the city they spent the money in. I dont have high hopes either case will go anywhere.

I tossed and turned until the wee hours of the morning kicking myself for being so stupid. When I woke up and went to take a shower I was greeted by zero water pressure because I obviously murdered kittens in a past life. I didnt have time to figure out what was wrong or wait for the tub to fill up so I just kinda splashed some water on my head and called it done.

Maor drove me in my car to drop of Lea and take me to work. One of 3 checks that were floating out there waiting to be cashed was from the daycare. They saw my ghetto fabulous garbage bag covered window, dug out my uncashed check, and told me to get them the money after I got everything straight. That was really nice of them. The other 3 companies I had to call were also very understanding.

Before my lunch break Maor managed to find a place that had used windows that fixed it for a total of $100. That is a huge relief. I also got all my letters typed up to my bank disputing the charges and the officer in the town where my card was used showing that it was my card and account and no, I dont shop there...I was talking to another officer in another city about the card being stolen at that time.

My only problem was the DMV. After Maor and I traded cars I remembered I dont have cash and I dont have checks. Maor filled up the car for me so I wouldnt have to worry and went back to working. So I banged my head on my desk and mumbled to myself about how I cant get my money out of my bank account without an ID and I cant get an ID without money...stupid stupid stupid stupid...thunk thunk thunk. A coworker handed me $20 and told me to pay her back when I could. With that I was able to get the piece of paper saying they were sending me my ID which was enough to get into my bank account to pull out the money to pay her back....and buy me a bottle of wine because I deserved a drink.

So after putting Lea to bed, and fixing the shower head (turns out there was some stupid plastic thing in it... probably to make the water pressure lower...bah!...threw that shit out), Im typing up this post with a glass of wine in hand and patrolling Craigslist for my nook. I dont think the cops will be able to do anything with video footage but I might still be able to punch someone in the nose.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Im going to cry

I went to the gym today and for some dumb reason decided to leave my purse sitting in the back of my car. I dont even know what I was thinking and Im beating myself up over this.

So of course I get back to my car, get in, feel a breeze, look back, and said "Oh shit!"

My credit cards, my licence, my insurance cards, and my nook were in that purse. They didnt take anything else... just smashed my window and grabbed my purse.

The bad news is they went on a shopping spree at Target and spent around $400... and it will take my bank about 10 days to look into it and credit me the money back.

The good news is there are security cameras in the gym parking lot, at Target, and I have the serial number for my nook so if it shows up at a pawn shop I'll get it back.

So there is a very good chance I will get everything back... I just have to deal with the stress of fixing a window that we cant afford to do now after this little smash and grab event while my bank takes its time refunding me my money.

I hope they catch this person and I can spit on them. Fuckers.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

In all fairness everyone's a little crazy this week.

Sorry for the earlier freak out. Sometimes you just have to let your ranting lose in a jar so the people who see you every day dont look at you like you have lost your marbles. Im ok. Really....

Ive been sick all week. I called in to work Monday and slept most of the day. It would have been fantastic if I wasnt sick. I feel mostly better. My throat is all messed up. I sound horrible. Laughing comes out as a wheezing death rattle. I cant taste anything which was very sad seeing as our manager treated us to a fantastic lunch at Erberts and Gerberts. The chili there will put hair on your chest.

We have had some insane calls come in this week. My favorites where a lady who wanted us to remove a dead hamster from behind her stove, a man who wanted us to fumigate for dust mites, an old woman who was just blown away that we cant prevent birds from landing in her yard, AND a lady that was trying to get me give her x ray results and wouldnt believe me when I told her she had the wrong company.

Maor has been busy this week. Ive barely seen him. Poor Lea latched on to him as soon as he got home refused to be farther than a few inches from him until she went to bed.
He has also had an interesting week with people. One person couldnt afford to get their house open so they traded him a gun for services. Its just an air rifle...I think its like a bb gun or even less lethal than that. He wants to keep it. I dont know why. His friend even got one too and they looked into what they can kill with it and what kind of licences they need. His friend has a thing for taxidermy and wants to get as many taxidermy items as he can to ship back to Israel because you cant get them there (he already has a moose head. Hes currently trying to talk down a guy with a tiger). All I can picture is his poor wife sitting in a house full of little stuffed squirrel trophies.
Im going to get dizzy from eye rolling come fall.

Someone stop me! is having a sale!

I can think of 5 that I want.

Someone hold me back! Its not normal to want so many Halloween costumes! No one needs these many costumes!
No one wants to see me do a show as a Sexy Cup O Ramen!

...why do I even want that?

I have a costume addiction.

...*bites nails and rocks back and forth* Its only one day sale... I can stay away from my credit card for the next 24 hours...right...rriiigghhht??

Oh look, they even have stuff Maor would look sexy in.