Monday, March 9, 2015


As Im sure everyone knows Camwhores is shutting down on March 17th.
We are all VERY sad about this.
To me its very much salt and lemon juice in already gaping wounds.
I love CW. I love the people. Its my home. Its the only cam site I have ever been consistent on because its the only one I really liked.

I had my last show the Thursday before last. A fan of CW who became a good friend of mine actually sponsored the mini vacation spot for Lea and I to have fun (they have a kids water park that Lea LOVED so much) and for me to put on my last show.
He had sent me a text message that night saying he wouldnt be able to watch the show but couldnt wait to see it later.
The next morning while I was checking out he texted me asking if we had fun. I told him we had a blast (because we did!). He said, "Good, that was the point".
He died sometime that day after sending me that message.

Later my aunt had another health scare.

I did manage to make it down to WI last week and find a new place to live. Its not a house like I wanted but its a brand new complex (I'll be the first one to live there which makes me crazy nervous about putting up pictures and artwork) and its spitting distance from a park. Its also in my budget which has gotten considerably smaller after I was smacked with the realization that Maor has no interest in helping with anything Lea related.
I had wished it wouldnt be like this. We were trying to work things out. Then one night I let him take Lea to a Shabbat dinner. He came back without her favorite blanket. I told him to go back and get it and he said no, she could live without it for a day.
That was when I SNAPPED. Any idiot with a kid knows you do NOT willingly let your kid go without their favorite thing unless you want a world of pain and high pitched screaming brought down on your stupid head.
So I took an hour off work to follow him to his apartment and get it myself and come back.
His selfishness was out of control.
It hasnt gotten better.
He had the balls to show up here a couple weeks ago with new contacts, a new watch, tie, shirt, pants, shoes. I wanted to slap the shit out of him because he hasnt offered a dime towards anything Lea related EVER. Instead I asked him about all the new things then asked if he could cover half of Leas diapers and health insurance every month to help me out. He said ok.

He hasnt called for her since. I call him and put her on speaker phone without saying a thing at least once a week when she asks about him. Apparently thats enough for him. I actually talk to his parents more than him now. They keep asking me if hes on drugs. I really dont think he is. I think hes just self absorbed, lazy, and ignoring me because hes spent all his money on stuff for himself.

At least I found a place. Its by my parents and near friends. If I cant get support from Leas dad then I will be around people who are there for me.
Now I just need to spend the next 2 weeks packing and purging. Maor left most of his things behind which Im going to give him fair warning to pick up or I will sell/toss them.

The rest of the month is going to be hard emotionally and physically but Im really hoping when spring comes we will be settled and happy starting a new life. I hope I will be jumping out of bed instead of crawling out.  I know thats what my friend would have wanted. I know thats what a lot of people want for me and I appreciate it so much.