Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Tell me a story

I didnt have a new years resolution this year. I didnt even think of it during new years. I was too busying trying to remember how to speak Hebrew, and by speak I mean understand basic conversation so I could smile or look concerned/angry at the appropriate times. Now is our downtime at work. Business is stupidly quiet so I get a lot of time to myself to do bills, write emails, do online quizzes, and fuck around in general. I was thinking to myself today, "What do I want to accomplish this year?" The first thing on my list is making Maor, Lea, and I matching Renn faire costumes. We are going with an Assassins Creed theme. Im going to make Maor a hoodie cause he doesnt like to go full cosplay. I will make myself a full Ren wench dress with assassin cloak and Lea will be an adorable fairy with assassin cloak. Second thing I want to do is actually finish my drawing per day resolution I have been trying for for 3 years! I keep saying I will do it but somewhere around April I just get busy and stop. I really want to try that again. I wasnt half bad at drawing when I kept at it. Third thing I want to do which I only just came up with... I want to tell a story every day with cam pictures. Like act out Romeo and Juliet in one day with stupid pictures or show the latest drama of the day in only pictures instead of writing it all out in my blog. (I would still put it in the blog it would just be 90% pictures instead of text). The last one is the hardest but I think will be the most fun. I want to know, what story would you like to see in cam images?

Monday, February 17, 2014

What do you mean you dont want a cupcake?

A local radio station has a Valentines Day contest where they ask people to email them stories about their unromantic boyfriends/husbands.
The top 25 get to dive in to a cake to find a tiny token. The person that finds it gets a trip for 2 to Mexico.

Maor has done a couple of things where if I blow them up and dont mention any of the sweet things he has ever done he sounds REALLY bad. I sent in a story and we were selected as one of the 25 couples.

So Valentines Day we went to Mall of America, they gave Maor cut off shirt with the radio stations name on it and he dove in to cake for me to try and win a trip to Mexico.

We did not win. Maor is not good when it comes to spinning.... throws him right off.
I spun him around 3 times blindfolded and pointed him to the cake. Then he got down on his hands and knees and shifted himself pointing left of the cake. I kept trying to push him in the right direction again but I wasnt sure how far I could knock him around before someone went "steering your husband is cheating" so they said "GO!" and I watched him crawl off in the wrong direction until I think he figured out the cake isnt that far away and went back towards the cake.

Long story short he ended up far FAR away from where the token was found but in all fairness there was no way to know where the hell it was anyway.
It was a fun time, he smelt like cake after (which was a bit of a turn on), and we still got free movie tickets and cupcakes.

...Maor doesnt want a cupcake.

This is the radio stations little video. You can kinda see Maor lost in the background a few times.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Show rescheduled

Sorry guys. I was going back and forth about it in my head last night about if I should reschedule my show due to "ladyrain" as Jay so nicely put it. The decision to reschedule actually came after I woke up this morning and the cold I have been fighting all week finally won. My nose is raw and I cant go 5 minutes without going into a coughing fit.

So I rescheduled for next weekend. We are turning it into a cosplay/ Valentines Day/ possible celebration show. I put that it will only be a half hour show but Im fairly certain it will go MUCH longer what with showing off and sex and what Im sure will be a wonderfully fun story about the contest the night before. 

Maor took Lea out to the indoor park and asked a couple of times if I wanted to come too. I told him that even though it is just a cold I am a snotty coughing mess and it would be horribly irresponsible of me to go touching a bunch of stuff little kids are crawling all over. Thats how epidemics start. 

So I cleaned the house a little, started some laundry and have now made a nest on the couch of tissues and tea (in my Stileproject mug) and am watching the Olympics while pretending to be Canadian so I can see them live. Yay technology.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Cakes and nests

A local radio station does a contest every year around Valentines day called "Duds to Studs". Women tell their stories of how their men are unromantic and the top 25 make their husbands or boyfriends compete for a chance to win a trip to Mexico on Valentines day.

I have no idea how I missed this last year but this year Maor and I were in the car together while they did the bit with a woman who was picked to be one of the top 25. Maor has done some less than romantic things. Overall Im happy but there have been a few times that where if people only heard that one story they would ask why I was with him. I asked him if he would be mad if I entered us in the contest. Luckily he is of the same mind set of me in a free trip to Mexico is worth being embarrassed over.

So I emailed in my sad 100 word story of our first vacation where he invited his cousin to come along and divulged that the only time he bought me a bra he handed it to me in the bag with the receipt and announced that his mother picked it out.

We were in. I taped a whole bit for the station and everything which they played twice. I got calls at work all day from techs and long time customers that know me about how they heard it. 

So Valentines Day evening Maor and I will be at Mall of America. I will be screaming my head off while Maor tries to dig through cake blindfolded for a heart token with 25 other men. If he wins we get a 7 day trip to Mexico. If he loses we still get movie tickets.

The office is so dead in the winter that while that is what everyone is talking about my accusing my husband of being a horrible romantic they are also starting to spread rumors that Im "nesting" because Ive gotten so bored that I started dusting EVERYTHING. I cleaned out the fridge, I went through every cupboard and filing cabinet, I organized the supply closet in a way that an OCD person would ask for tips. 

The managers brought it up today while I was trying to wash a window while it was so fucking cold outside that the Windex was freezing INSIDE before I could wipe it off. 
I told them they could worry when I started craving spicy food all the time.

Then somewhere in the middle of scraping off the windex from window I realized I havent had my period in a LONG time. Last time was was the end of December before we left for Israel.
But we did have that accident where I needed to take a reset pill... but that was only about a week later so I should have had my period by now. I started to panic. I did the math in my head of how much daycare alone would be with 2 kids. I almost passed out in the entry way of our building.

Then I got half way through this post expecting a "maybe there is a baby" ending but got the horrible pain saying "nope."

Which creates a new problem.... tomorrows show. 

Im going to leave it up to you guys. I obviously cannot preform to my full potential for a few days. 
Should I push it off till next weekend or carry on?

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Leas first time sledding

I have no voice! ...again...

I think its really weird that ever since I had Lea after I get sick I flat out loose my voice. I can feel like Im dying but still be able to talk but 3 days after that when Im feeling much better I sound like someone violently ripped out my voice box.

So because I cant talk here is a video I think is cute of Lea's first time sledding where I could scream for her.
video

Monday, February 3, 2014

Snapped: Office Edition

I would like to think in the work place Im a very level headed person. Im very good at counting to ten and ignoring the trivial things.

However, when Im not feeling the best and moments from "that time" of the month it is NOT a good time to test my work place patience.

The annoying coworker has been making snide remarks in full force since I got back from Israel (I assume because things got a little heated between her and the coworker that has been around forever). She makes snippy comments while shes walking away from you and when she knows she may have done something wrong announces "Oh my god Im going to get in trouble!!" in a croaky whinny voice that says "I may be trying to make a joke or I may be an asshole" and then you have to force out of her what she may or may not have screwed up. Its incredibly annoying...especially when you have to deal with this all day EVERY day.

This morning I woke up and didnt feel quite right. I brushed it off as a cold Monday I didnt want to face and headed to work. As the day went on the sickness hit and I became lethargic, my throat got sore, and my face felt like someone was pushing against it.
The coworker who has been around forever was getting on my nerves because she was nit picking about things that didnt even need looking in to... like she does...nothing new and occasionally it comes in handy but more often than not its an eye rolling situation. I got a little snippy with her but told her I wasnt feeling good so I assume she didnt notice at all.
The annoying coworker though... she worked at my nerves all day with her dramatic sighing like everything was so hard (the job is NOT hard, thats why I picked it) and comments and acting like she was so damn busy.
I started my bitchy payback when I was feeling a little icky, but was also very bored, by walking up to her desk and asking the air if a month end task she was supposed to do had been done. It wasnt so I snatched it off her desk and did it myself. I also filed her paperwork which until then I had refused to touch out of principle because she refused to help anyone else.
She countered when the regional manager asked for a certain techs paperwork and we told him it was already filed. He said that was impressive. She pipped in "Well its month end! Im on top of things!"
I thought, "Your welcome bitch" but said nothing.

The afternoon went like a bit of a tennis match between the experienced employee and her while we went through the month end paperwork. Like a little ping pong match except replace the "ping" and "pong" with a blunt question and an annoying whining answer that blames anyone that isnt in the room.

The experienced admin gets to leave at 3:30 (because she starts an hour earlier than me and only takes a half hour lunch)
Before she left she gave the annoying one the final strict instructions of "DONT MESS WITH ACCOUNTS DURING MONTH END!" which if she had been paying attention in the last 3 months before hand meant "Dont mess with prices and dont run credit cards."

About a half hour later I listened to the annoying one put in a sale over the phone. I got up to pull reports off the printer and she announced "OH MY GOD!! NOW IM GOING TO GET IN TRRUUUBBLLEEE"
I lost it right then and there, slammed my hand on the counter, whipped and and said, "Is that REALLY necessary??"
She crumpled in her chair and said, "I dont know what you mean?"
I croaked "The constant comments! What EXACTLY do you think your going to get in trouble for?"
She whispered "Entering stuff in to the system"
I threw the reports I needed into the pile I need them to be in then half heatedly glanced at the thing that print out she created and said "If you were ever paying attention you would know your not in trouble. Your fine."
(FYI, if she entered the sale right then she would be fine. If she didnt than she isnt and its no skin off my nose at this point if she cant. Especially when she has a habbit of just DOING shit with out ever asking HOW to do it..which is another major pet peve. Honestly, if you dont know how to do something or arent sure, why the hell wouldnt you fess up and ask? I always do even if I really did know the answer and look like a complete idiot which Im almost certain I always do but who cares because I get my shit done right.)
I went back to my desk.
I took a few calls.
Annoying woman got up and because I was watching her, asked me where certain paperwork went which made me go "You've been here for how long?" and "OH SHIT!"
I made a change that I shouldnt have. Its not a horrible mistake, just more work for someone else. So I outlined the mistake I made for someone else on a post it note on their desk while mumbling to myself  "Crap, crappity, crap, crap!!"
Annoying woman walked down the hall away from me saying, "IS THAT COMPLETELY NECESSARY!" In a tone that indicated she was talking to herself but wanted you to hear.

I looked up and saw red. I screamed down the hall "Seriously? Would you like to say that to my face?!"
She walked back and said, "Your not in trouble. "

At the time I didnt understand what she was trying to say so I went off. Now I know she was saying "You cant get in trouble here." Which make me even angrier.

I stayed seated while she walked back to me. I told her "I dont care if Im in trouble with YOU or anyone else for that matter. I do not like the comments you make. I honestly cant tell if your joking or trying to be sarcastic. I know I just made a mistake. I've done all I can to make it less of a shuffle to get through. What I dont like is your snide comments!"
She said "I thought I was being like you."
I looked her right in the eyes and said "Thats the dumbest excuse I have ever heard. If you want to be anyone, you should be yourself."
I wanted to add that she was acting like my 14 yr old brother 90% of the time. Shes a 50 yr old blob of grumpy play-dough. She wanted to be lots of things but she is set in ways that maybe she doesnt even know shes set in.
You cant push crumbling play dough in to the ice cream maker...even if it tried to be soft on the outside.

About 10 minutes later I fessed up to my boss and another manager what I did. I snapped. I walked in to the office and explained that I couldnt take it anymore. I explained the situation. I explained how much she annoyed me. I explained that due to my not feeling well everything was at a time 10 level.
They understood.

I have a problem. Normally now I would say "Its her or me" because she is just THAT annoying. Only problem is I love my job. Its easy. They understand when I need to leave for Lea emergencies, and I really wouldnt want to let them say "bye bye" and leave the experienced employee hanging. I love the experienced employee. She is a lot like me. Shes been through more horrible things than I could experience...seriously her life is like god damn greek tragedy. We have the same birthday. Someday Im going to remember the day her son died and Im going to find an appropriate "Im really sorrry but nothing can replace him." gift.
I have NEVER had a work place where I have wiggled my butt down so firmly and said "Nope, not going anywhere."

Im not going! The annoying woman can move the fuck on.