Sunday, June 22, 2014

Please dont sue me

So like I said in my last post Im trying to make a Frozen costumes for me and Lea.
I also did a good/bad thing and promised a cousin who has sent me a ton of hand me downs that I would make her 4 year old an Elsa costume after I made a facebook post about my Halloween plans. I seriously owe her, when she asked there was no way I could say no.

The fabric is all 50% off till the end of next weekend but I just cant afford it right now.

So Im doing a show on Camwhores tomorrow night to help fund the material I need to make my costume and get extra fabric for my cousins kid.

Of course I'll be using my costume in a super special show later on Camwhores.
I thought about making videos to sell but that might get me in hot water.... I dont fear much but Disney lawyers seem scary.

After much thought I think the safest way to go about this is to say... those who tip during my show tomorrow or donate through the rest of the week will get special cosplay pictures when I finish my costume. I can also offer a free week to Camwhores if you arent or havent already been a member.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

I believe I can see the future

Im trying to keep myself occupied. I started on Leas Halloween costume. I spent WAY more than I thought I would on it but most of that is because of the thread I need to use to do the embroidery.

I am plowing through it faster than I want which is good and bad. Good because I can start on my Elsa costume. Bad because I cant afford to start my Elsa costume.

I need to keep my head buried though. Well, its not so much a need as a want...

If I have room to think of other things then I feel. I dont like to feel.

Its actually pretty funny that I decided to make Lea Anna and myself Elsa. Lea is my little summer bug. Social, bright, and so full of life. Im trying so hard to hide everything from everyone around me, I dont like to feel anything. If I do start to get emotional I hide so no one sees it. I want to be a rock.

...I have issues...

Long ago I dated a guy who called me his winter girl. Whatever reasons you can think for a man calling a woman that are all right. Thats what I am. Im a winter girl.

I dont think I was ever meant to know summer.

Friday, June 6, 2014

D is for..

I havent been talking a lot lately. I just feel like if you dont anything nice/good to say dont say anything at all.
ONLY because I am a person who likes to keep up appearances. I am a god damn Princess Kate. My skirt flew up but YOU DIDNT FUCKING SEE A THING *charming smile*

I dont want to rock the boat unless I know its really a titanic with no fucking life boats. I know its the titanic when I need to call my mother. I can hear the violins while I dial her number...or just push the favorites button on my Iphone.

I called my mother tonight.

I told her Maor and I are getting a divorce.

Im grateful that she sounded understanding. She offered to come up for the weekend. I said that would be weird. Im sure if we were in Israel Maors mom would be in in our house before you could say "Oi" which makes me very glad we arent in Israel. When I made the joke to mom she asked where Leas passport was. Its hidden already and has been for 2 months. Thats how deep in we are.

I want to say its a mutual thing. I WANT to say that because while we have been fighting a down hill battle for months I want to think one of us will pop up and find the power to fight on.. Its probably not going to happen. I know my faults. I know what I want. I have made both clear for years. I have made clear what I want out of a partner and its not something Maor is willing to give. (We are not talking caming. Caming has nothing to do with any arguments)

In the same aspect, Maor may or may not know his faults, I cant say if he knows what he wants, but what it is doesnt seem to be me.

Its sad. I want to be angry but Im just sad. We have a child together and cant make things work. I would like to think we dont NOT like each other. Its just a case of us not actually fitting as a couple. We just dont work. I can say with certainty that I tried.

Sometimes people just dont work together.