Well, I did have Lea enrolled in preschool and swim classes...
Then I lost my damn mind and decided that I should go to Israel to visit the inlaws for a month.
Ok, I didnt really lose my mind. I have a job where I can work from anywhere and Lea doesnt HAVE to be in school for another 2 years so I just decided to take advantage of my flexibility and take Lea to spend time with the other side of her family. They will like it, she needs to get to know that half of the family, and I... am probably going to end up doing some sort of Eat, Pray, Love thing out of all of this.
I need to buy a new phone so I can get international data and texting for free on my plan.
If you would like updates while Im in Israel...keep reading this blog or see my snapchat: Immora or twitter: Immora1
Its free.
If you want to help pay for the new phone.... donate link is over there --->
If you dont, Im getting it anyway because upgrading my phone is cheaper than international rates! And my phone is 3 years old. Im surprised it still works.
I went on a date tonight. Im torn on how it went. He was nice, interesting, and funny. I really liked him. I dont like that I liked him. Im slightly disgusted with myself for liking him.
If he doesnt like me Im going to be disappointed.
If he does like me Im leaving the country for a month and who will actually wait around for that?
This is a disaster.
If I actually thought I was going to like someone I never would have done this dating thing!
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Monday, August 3, 2015
Special post: Where are they now
Its really not a special post. I just havent posted anything in so long its more of an update.
Im feeling much better. I snapped out of my sadness a few weeks ago. Im not even sure how it happened, it really was like something in my head flipped a switch.
I had a huge fight with Maor, again. Hes dropped off the face of the earth, again.
2 days after the fight I just woke up and didnt care anymore.
It also helps that about a week after that my mom suggested Emergenzzzz. Its actually helping me stay asleep at night so Im not exhausted 2 hours I wake up. I do have an issue with horrible nightmares but when I wake up screaming I dont lay awake for hours anymore.
Im in a much better mood. Lea and I are doing a lot more.
I even went on a semi blind date. I knew what he looked like and that he was big into mountain bike racing.
It was....not good.
What I thought was limited information about him was actually ALL the information about him.
The only thing he talked about was biking. The only hobby he has is biking. He quit college after one year to focus on biking.
We went biking. To a restaurant but he was so spacey he kept getting lost (even though he goes to this place a lot). A 2 mile ride turned into 10 miles in 87 degree heat. He thought it was awesome and showed me his app that tracks routes and miles. I was ready to strangle him.
To my surprise he actually texted me later saying he had a great time and wanted to know if I wanted to get together and just chill and watch a movie.
Im pretty sure that was the first time in my life I have gotten a text like that from a nice really hot guy and my reaction was to scream in horror, hide my phone under a pillow, and hope it disappeared. If I have to hear about the joys of biking again I'll hurt someone.
Lea and I went on a girls weekend with 3 of my girlfriends last weekend.
We went to the Renaissance fair which is a 2 hour drive away. No one wanted to wake up at 5am to put on our elaborate costumes and get there by the time the fair opened so we all split a hotel room.
Lea had the best time.
As soon as we told her she was going to see pirates and fairies she kept saying she wanted to find the Sea Witch (a character on her new favorite show Jake and the Neverland Pirates).
We found a couple women dressed like witches and told Lea to go talk to them. Her eyes got as big as dinner plates and she eventually walked up to them. One gave her a marble and told her something but I didnt catch it cause I was trying to get pictures. She was the happiest little thing after and yelled "THANK YOU SEA WITCH!" while we walked away.
We also found a woman dressed as Maleficent who pulled off the look so well you would actually think Angelina Jolie was walking around in character. It was crazy! We pointed her out to Lea and I had a hard time keeping up with her as she ran up to her. She gave her a hug, we took pictures, and Lea asked her if she wanted to come with us. Everyone in a 30 foot radius awwed.
She didnt walk up to one single fairy or "nice" looking person. She was all skulls and bad guys. Thats my baby.
I had my own little following. Kids ran up to me and wanted pictures. 3 little girls gave me leaves and twigs as presents and kept finding me at different times with different friends also dressed up as fairies. They where convinced that I knew every fairy there.
We had a great time. A few of my favorite pictures:
Lea and I have our things we do now. We go to the library, the bakery down the road gives free cookies to kids under 12, Ive found all the good parks in the area, there is a "beach" we go to, the town we are in has a cinema thats great for kids because the sound system isnt that great and its small, and the zoo is a favorite of Leas.
Its not a bad update.
Im feeling much better. I snapped out of my sadness a few weeks ago. Im not even sure how it happened, it really was like something in my head flipped a switch.
I had a huge fight with Maor, again. Hes dropped off the face of the earth, again.
2 days after the fight I just woke up and didnt care anymore.
It also helps that about a week after that my mom suggested Emergenzzzz. Its actually helping me stay asleep at night so Im not exhausted 2 hours I wake up. I do have an issue with horrible nightmares but when I wake up screaming I dont lay awake for hours anymore.
Im in a much better mood. Lea and I are doing a lot more.
I even went on a semi blind date. I knew what he looked like and that he was big into mountain bike racing.
It was....not good.
What I thought was limited information about him was actually ALL the information about him.
The only thing he talked about was biking. The only hobby he has is biking. He quit college after one year to focus on biking.
We went biking. To a restaurant but he was so spacey he kept getting lost (even though he goes to this place a lot). A 2 mile ride turned into 10 miles in 87 degree heat. He thought it was awesome and showed me his app that tracks routes and miles. I was ready to strangle him.
To my surprise he actually texted me later saying he had a great time and wanted to know if I wanted to get together and just chill and watch a movie.
Im pretty sure that was the first time in my life I have gotten a text like that from a nice really hot guy and my reaction was to scream in horror, hide my phone under a pillow, and hope it disappeared. If I have to hear about the joys of biking again I'll hurt someone.
Lea and I went on a girls weekend with 3 of my girlfriends last weekend.
We went to the Renaissance fair which is a 2 hour drive away. No one wanted to wake up at 5am to put on our elaborate costumes and get there by the time the fair opened so we all split a hotel room.
Lea had the best time.
As soon as we told her she was going to see pirates and fairies she kept saying she wanted to find the Sea Witch (a character on her new favorite show Jake and the Neverland Pirates).
We found a couple women dressed like witches and told Lea to go talk to them. Her eyes got as big as dinner plates and she eventually walked up to them. One gave her a marble and told her something but I didnt catch it cause I was trying to get pictures. She was the happiest little thing after and yelled "THANK YOU SEA WITCH!" while we walked away.
We also found a woman dressed as Maleficent who pulled off the look so well you would actually think Angelina Jolie was walking around in character. It was crazy! We pointed her out to Lea and I had a hard time keeping up with her as she ran up to her. She gave her a hug, we took pictures, and Lea asked her if she wanted to come with us. Everyone in a 30 foot radius awwed.
She didnt walk up to one single fairy or "nice" looking person. She was all skulls and bad guys. Thats my baby.
I had my own little following. Kids ran up to me and wanted pictures. 3 little girls gave me leaves and twigs as presents and kept finding me at different times with different friends also dressed up as fairies. They where convinced that I knew every fairy there.
We had a great time. A few of my favorite pictures:
Lea and I have our things we do now. We go to the library, the bakery down the road gives free cookies to kids under 12, Ive found all the good parks in the area, there is a "beach" we go to, the town we are in has a cinema thats great for kids because the sound system isnt that great and its small, and the zoo is a favorite of Leas.
Its not a bad update.
Friday, June 12, 2015
By my pretty little bonnet
Today was not a good day.
I worked a double shift type thing. Cause I really owe someone for the shifts they have covered for me and Im banking hours for the Disney World Christmas.
Did I mention that yet? I dont think I did.
My Florida residing aunt bought most of the family passes to Disney World for a week over Christmas and rented a cottage so all the little kids can be together. I cant wait! Lea is really too young for anything but the Magic Kingdom but shes never met her cousins, I havent seen my cousins in ages, the cottage is right on the safari part so we can see the animals from our rooms, and FUCKING SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!!!!
Anyway...work...long day...
That wasnt that bad. It was a rainy day so all Lea wanted to do was color and watch movies anyway. And really, after doing 18 hour days in retail during the holidays while pregnant, sitting on my butt staring at a computer is a cake walk.
What sucked was Maor called. He hasnt called, emailed, texted, or even asked for Lea in WEEKS and yesterday his parents quizzed me on how much he called because apparently hes telling them he calls all the time and I dont let him talk to Lea.
So of course he actually called today.
Before I let him talk to Lea I quizzed him myself, where has he been, why hasnt he called for her, where is the money we agreed on for child support? No answer was a good one but the thing that slapped me in the face was that he said I could have child support when the court ordered it. THAT is not Maor. Someone told him to say that. God forbid I ever find out who it is. Their death may not be the result of my work but it will be long and painful....and probably the result of a tragic long and painful accident.
Another side note. He looks like shit. Hes lost a ton of weight and is super pale. To be fair, I look like shit too but Im working full time and raising a child while also trying to maintain a social life so hopefully I look like happy shit.
After the conversation and after I made it clear that if he does a disappearing act again I will never let him talk to Lea again (that was what my dad did. He popped in and out when he felt like it. It was painful to grow up with and I refuse to let Maor do that to Lea.) I put Lea on.
From the things he said to Lea it is now a race to get paperwork in. Hes going to leave the country. Leas documents are all in a safety deposit box that only I can get in so I dont need to worry about him taking her that but I cannot imagine that trying to divorce someone over seas is easy.
On the bright side. Tomorrow Im going to have donuts, coffee, and go see Jurassic World with one of my best friends. We both have wonky schedules but we refuse to be the last people to see this movie! Its going to be fun.
Lea is also starting gymnastics soon.
Things really are getting better. We just have to take the ups with the downs.
I worked a double shift type thing. Cause I really owe someone for the shifts they have covered for me and Im banking hours for the Disney World Christmas.
Did I mention that yet? I dont think I did.
My Florida residing aunt bought most of the family passes to Disney World for a week over Christmas and rented a cottage so all the little kids can be together. I cant wait! Lea is really too young for anything but the Magic Kingdom but shes never met her cousins, I havent seen my cousins in ages, the cottage is right on the safari part so we can see the animals from our rooms, and FUCKING SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!!!!
Anyway...work...long day...
That wasnt that bad. It was a rainy day so all Lea wanted to do was color and watch movies anyway. And really, after doing 18 hour days in retail during the holidays while pregnant, sitting on my butt staring at a computer is a cake walk.
What sucked was Maor called. He hasnt called, emailed, texted, or even asked for Lea in WEEKS and yesterday his parents quizzed me on how much he called because apparently hes telling them he calls all the time and I dont let him talk to Lea.
So of course he actually called today.
Before I let him talk to Lea I quizzed him myself, where has he been, why hasnt he called for her, where is the money we agreed on for child support? No answer was a good one but the thing that slapped me in the face was that he said I could have child support when the court ordered it. THAT is not Maor. Someone told him to say that. God forbid I ever find out who it is. Their death may not be the result of my work but it will be long and painful....and probably the result of a tragic long and painful accident.
Another side note. He looks like shit. Hes lost a ton of weight and is super pale. To be fair, I look like shit too but Im working full time and raising a child while also trying to maintain a social life so hopefully I look like happy shit.
After the conversation and after I made it clear that if he does a disappearing act again I will never let him talk to Lea again (that was what my dad did. He popped in and out when he felt like it. It was painful to grow up with and I refuse to let Maor do that to Lea.) I put Lea on.
From the things he said to Lea it is now a race to get paperwork in. Hes going to leave the country. Leas documents are all in a safety deposit box that only I can get in so I dont need to worry about him taking her that but I cannot imagine that trying to divorce someone over seas is easy.
On the bright side. Tomorrow Im going to have donuts, coffee, and go see Jurassic World with one of my best friends. We both have wonky schedules but we refuse to be the last people to see this movie! Its going to be fun.
Lea is also starting gymnastics soon.
Things really are getting better. We just have to take the ups with the downs.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Not my best moment but fuck off anyway
Last night I was trying to get back into my tai chi.
I havent been sleeping well so I thought a little exercise would be good.
Well, I started thinking about why I wasnt sleeping and realized the very VERY few days I have to sleep the down stairs neighbor has been the one to keep me up with her parties and fights with whoever. So I started stomping moves out of anger. STOMPING!
I stopped after about 2 minutes when another neighbor said it was disrupting him. I apologized and told him it will never happen again (because it really wont and that guy will be getting leftover cupcakes Sunday that Im making for a different residents birthday party)
I shouldnt have done what I did.
I even told that to the landlord today when he was changing the locks and brought it up.
BUT.
When she came up 12 hours after the stomping and said "Not cool! I wake up for work at 6am!" I looked at the clock (11:30 am)
I laughed in her face. Told her about how I actually have to work nights and wake up with my child at 6am and I did not appreciate her parties and temper tantrums after 2am.
She said it wasnt her.
"I dont have a boyfriend!"
"Then your baby daddy. I dont care what you call him but I can reenact your entire fight."
She looked at me like "umm"
I said, "Look, if you wake me up again. Im calling the cops. Its that simple. We are done."
And shut the door.
All I heard after that was a "UH! WOW!" and furious texting.
Yep, I was in the wrong and was totally immature for a minute but the message has been delivered!
DO NOT FUCK WITH A MOTHER ON VERY LITTLE SLEEP!!
Cause we will get you...not right away but oh fuck... we will get you..
*Im not allowing comments on this post because I dont even want to fucking hear it, Im so sick of everyone's bullshit online and off that Im bursting and is probably whats prompting my momentary psycho thing.*
I havent been sleeping well so I thought a little exercise would be good.
Well, I started thinking about why I wasnt sleeping and realized the very VERY few days I have to sleep the down stairs neighbor has been the one to keep me up with her parties and fights with whoever. So I started stomping moves out of anger. STOMPING!
I stopped after about 2 minutes when another neighbor said it was disrupting him. I apologized and told him it will never happen again (because it really wont and that guy will be getting leftover cupcakes Sunday that Im making for a different residents birthday party)
I shouldnt have done what I did.
I even told that to the landlord today when he was changing the locks and brought it up.
BUT.
When she came up 12 hours after the stomping and said "Not cool! I wake up for work at 6am!" I looked at the clock (11:30 am)
I laughed in her face. Told her about how I actually have to work nights and wake up with my child at 6am and I did not appreciate her parties and temper tantrums after 2am.
She said it wasnt her.
"I dont have a boyfriend!"
"Then your baby daddy. I dont care what you call him but I can reenact your entire fight."
She looked at me like "umm"
I said, "Look, if you wake me up again. Im calling the cops. Its that simple. We are done."
And shut the door.
All I heard after that was a "UH! WOW!" and furious texting.
Yep, I was in the wrong and was totally immature for a minute but the message has been delivered!
DO NOT FUCK WITH A MOTHER ON VERY LITTLE SLEEP!!
Cause we will get you...not right away but oh fuck... we will get you..
*Im not allowing comments on this post because I dont even want to fucking hear it, Im so sick of everyone's bullshit online and off that Im bursting and is probably whats prompting my momentary psycho thing.*
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Well, thats what I get for caring.
Its 6am. Im never up this early but Ive been thrown off because of yesterday. I went through hell.
Two weeks ago I got a call from a woman I dont know saying Maor was in jail and asked if I would help. I told her good fucking luck because I do not think that I should be getting a call from a third party asking for my help. My stand was if he wanted help he should call me himself. I did call his parents and thanked her for helping him.
I called in a favor and asked why he was in jail. They said he got into an accident but had to arrest him for a past drunk and disorderly. That is not like him at all... he doesnt drink and while hes loud and says some pretty stupid shit... I dont think he would be arrested for disorderly ever. BUT he has been acting weird for the past year so I accepted it as maybe this kiosk cult hes gotten into has changed him that much.
Now fast forward to yesterday... I still havent heard from him.
I called his parents, because I actually talk to Maors parents WAY more than he does now. Its weird and probably the biggest red flag as to how much hes changed in a year.
They havent talked to him since they got the call from the strange woman saying he was in jail either but a different 3rd party assured them he was out and ok.
So I called the different 3rd party to try and get a message out for Maor to call SOMEONE. They told me they hadent talked to Maor in months and never told Maors parents he was ok.
So because something was fishy I called in another favor and found out that the person charged with drunk and disorderly was not actually Maor. It was someone who was just had his wallet.
Thats when I lost it. I actually thought Maor was dead.
He hadent called for Lea in weeks, his family didnt hear from him, strange calls, ect...
I was pretty sure he was dead in a ditch somewhere and the guilt from not trying to find him sooner just consumed me.
I blew up the strange womans phone. She refused to tell me anything and kept hanging up on me. At one point she said "Do you want me to call the police?"
I said "YES!"
Fast forward a few thousand phone calls later. Maor did finally pick up and all he said was "I dont want to talk to you" and hung up.
Great, hes alive.
Hes just a jerk but an alive jerk.
So I passed out from some sort of adrenaline/crying fit of exhaustion.
Annnnddd woke up at 4am unable to fall asleep thinking about how stupid I am for wasting time on him.
Two weeks ago I got a call from a woman I dont know saying Maor was in jail and asked if I would help. I told her good fucking luck because I do not think that I should be getting a call from a third party asking for my help. My stand was if he wanted help he should call me himself. I did call his parents and thanked her for helping him.
I called in a favor and asked why he was in jail. They said he got into an accident but had to arrest him for a past drunk and disorderly. That is not like him at all... he doesnt drink and while hes loud and says some pretty stupid shit... I dont think he would be arrested for disorderly ever. BUT he has been acting weird for the past year so I accepted it as maybe this kiosk cult hes gotten into has changed him that much.
Now fast forward to yesterday... I still havent heard from him.
I called his parents, because I actually talk to Maors parents WAY more than he does now. Its weird and probably the biggest red flag as to how much hes changed in a year.
They havent talked to him since they got the call from the strange woman saying he was in jail either but a different 3rd party assured them he was out and ok.
So I called the different 3rd party to try and get a message out for Maor to call SOMEONE. They told me they hadent talked to Maor in months and never told Maors parents he was ok.
So because something was fishy I called in another favor and found out that the person charged with drunk and disorderly was not actually Maor. It was someone who was just had his wallet.
Thats when I lost it. I actually thought Maor was dead.
He hadent called for Lea in weeks, his family didnt hear from him, strange calls, ect...
I was pretty sure he was dead in a ditch somewhere and the guilt from not trying to find him sooner just consumed me.
I blew up the strange womans phone. She refused to tell me anything and kept hanging up on me. At one point she said "Do you want me to call the police?"
I said "YES!"
Fast forward a few thousand phone calls later. Maor did finally pick up and all he said was "I dont want to talk to you" and hung up.
Great, hes alive.
Hes just a jerk but an alive jerk.
So I passed out from some sort of adrenaline/crying fit of exhaustion.
Annnnddd woke up at 4am unable to fall asleep thinking about how stupid I am for wasting time on him.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
My first party
Today I threw my first party. Well, it was more like a get together. All my best friends showed up...and one guy that it turns out I dont know how I know.
I have had someone as a facebook friend for 4 years that I cant remember how they got there.
When I moved back to Madison he sent me a message saying we should hang out again sometime. I looked at his profile and he looks a lot like a guy I went to college with so I assumed thats how I knew him and invited him to the party. The name was not a tip off because there were 3 guys with that same first name in most of my classes.
When he walked in and wasnt all "HEY MAN!" to my other college friend who would have had all the same classes with us if he was who I thought he was I realized I have NO IDEA how I knew this guy. I didnt want to say anything so I just introduced him and acted like nothing was weird.
Luckily, he was very nice. He brought a nice whiskey (which I totally forgot about when we all got talking and feel like an ass for not opening), ice cream for the teenagers, and ice. He also fit right in with the group that was there.
When everyone started leaving my 2 girlfriends and I were talking about seeing a movie and he left. After a minute I said, "OK! I have no idea who that guy was!" and explained the whole thing. They think hes cool so they are just going to invite him to a game night.
Whats really funny is everyone said he looked kinda familiar but just assumed he was from a different group of my friends. Maybe he just has one of those faces.
Anyway, made a new friend (or am refinding an old friend...I have no idea) and I got a lot of nice gifts which I was NOT expecting. I should have said no gifts but I didnt even think about it.
I think it was a success. Maybe I'll have more parties.
I have had someone as a facebook friend for 4 years that I cant remember how they got there.
When I moved back to Madison he sent me a message saying we should hang out again sometime. I looked at his profile and he looks a lot like a guy I went to college with so I assumed thats how I knew him and invited him to the party. The name was not a tip off because there were 3 guys with that same first name in most of my classes.
When he walked in and wasnt all "HEY MAN!" to my other college friend who would have had all the same classes with us if he was who I thought he was I realized I have NO IDEA how I knew this guy. I didnt want to say anything so I just introduced him and acted like nothing was weird.
Luckily, he was very nice. He brought a nice whiskey (which I totally forgot about when we all got talking and feel like an ass for not opening), ice cream for the teenagers, and ice. He also fit right in with the group that was there.
When everyone started leaving my 2 girlfriends and I were talking about seeing a movie and he left. After a minute I said, "OK! I have no idea who that guy was!" and explained the whole thing. They think hes cool so they are just going to invite him to a game night.
Whats really funny is everyone said he looked kinda familiar but just assumed he was from a different group of my friends. Maybe he just has one of those faces.
Anyway, made a new friend (or am refinding an old friend...I have no idea) and I got a lot of nice gifts which I was NOT expecting. I should have said no gifts but I didnt even think about it.
I think it was a success. Maybe I'll have more parties.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Life after CW
I could probably write a novel about the past 2 weeks.
Everything has changed. EVERYTHING.
I thought I was going to be cool writing this but Im just going to puke words onto a screen because while I would like to say Im calm and collected Im FREAKING out inside.
I think if I was 18...or even 25 I would be able to handle things better. Being 30 with a 2 year old to take care of this is too much change. Too damn much.
CW is gone. I keep accidentally checking the site because I just want to chit chat or post a picture and it depresses me every time I see that note saying its gone.
I have been thinking about finding a new place to cam again. I could use the extra money and Im actually going a little crazy not being able to flash my boobs (Im weird, I know) but I havent yet. I already know I will NEVER find a CW again and I think the community is what I really want back before the money and the need to flash people.
I moved. I am happier already. The apartment is the perfect size for us, everything is new, the neighbors may or may not exist...I dont know, they are too quiet... and while Im a half hour from a grocery store with reasonable prices we are surrounded by parks so with the weather being so nice we wake up and head straight outside to play.
My mother actually came over for dinner and a movie. Shes NEVER done that before, possibly because I had a cat and shes really allergic.
I had friends come over when I first moved in and they were beyond helpful!! I need to throw a housewarming/Thank you party. Last week I was still putting the house together and this week I have to go back to MN to clean out the last of the crap I couldnt get out 2 weeks ago.
Leas turning 3 next week!
Im sure everyone just rolled their eyes but when I run out of things to stress out about that is what keeps me awake. Shes turning 3. She will be in school in a couple years. The fact that she even dresses herself right now makes me want to burst into tears.
I could still be a little stressed out...
Everything has changed. EVERYTHING.
I thought I was going to be cool writing this but Im just going to puke words onto a screen because while I would like to say Im calm and collected Im FREAKING out inside.
I think if I was 18...or even 25 I would be able to handle things better. Being 30 with a 2 year old to take care of this is too much change. Too damn much.
CW is gone. I keep accidentally checking the site because I just want to chit chat or post a picture and it depresses me every time I see that note saying its gone.
I have been thinking about finding a new place to cam again. I could use the extra money and Im actually going a little crazy not being able to flash my boobs (Im weird, I know) but I havent yet. I already know I will NEVER find a CW again and I think the community is what I really want back before the money and the need to flash people.
I moved. I am happier already. The apartment is the perfect size for us, everything is new, the neighbors may or may not exist...I dont know, they are too quiet... and while Im a half hour from a grocery store with reasonable prices we are surrounded by parks so with the weather being so nice we wake up and head straight outside to play.
My mother actually came over for dinner and a movie. Shes NEVER done that before, possibly because I had a cat and shes really allergic.
I had friends come over when I first moved in and they were beyond helpful!! I need to throw a housewarming/Thank you party. Last week I was still putting the house together and this week I have to go back to MN to clean out the last of the crap I couldnt get out 2 weeks ago.
Leas turning 3 next week!
Im sure everyone just rolled their eyes but when I run out of things to stress out about that is what keeps me awake. Shes turning 3. She will be in school in a couple years. The fact that she even dresses herself right now makes me want to burst into tears.
I could still be a little stressed out...
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