For YEARS I have been wanting to send a Post Secret but I just never got up the crafty motivation to do it. I felt like if I sent something in it would have to be everything I am in a post card because I dont half ass crafty!
So last night I was messing around on twitter and decided I'll just say my secret on twitter and only my 42 followers will know anything about this and I will feel better. The End!
So I wrote out my little tweet: "No one knows Ive been making amateur porn for 10 years. Some days I want to tell everyone just to see their reactions. @postsecret"
I really wanted to write, no one my offline life (family/work/most friends) knows but I couldnt fit that in the character limit. Some people do know what I do.... like my husband and friends that knew me back when I was in college and just flat out said "I can afford to live alone because Im a cam girl."
But its been a good 7 years since I have shared that information with anyone. Friends after I graduated dont know, no one I have worked with in the past 7 years knows. Sometimes conversations pop up where I just want to say "Guess what I do in my spare time!"
I dont think it should be something that Im ashamed of. I like it. I really do. I like the people I talk to. I like to show off. I wont lie, I love being spoiled.
But there is a stigma....
Maor would never tell his family about what we do. It adds an extra spice sex life which I know he loves but I think the reason hes ok with it is because the site we do our shows on isnt well known.
My family does have an ex stripper. She was very open about what she did. She even gave me a pep talk before I walked in to my first amateur night at a strip club in WI and made more money in one night than I ever did in a week of waitressing at the time. I didnt like it though. I didnt like the possibility that people could touch me... Im just not a touchy feely person with strangers.
When I was introduced to being a cam girl it was perfect.
Now Ive gotten to that point where you dont talk about these sorts of things because you have an image to uphold. Everyone has their past or their bedroom kinks but you just dont talk about it because what people think about you could effect...something...
So that was my secret.