I dont even know what I do

My new job is... different. I feel like I was tricked into taking it.
Mostly because when I was hired I was told that they were hiring 2 people for the summer. One would be a temp and one would stay on later. I assumed that meant they would decide on who they wanted to keep later. Nope. Im the temp, I found out on my first day. The 3 other admins asked me how long I was around for. I didnt know and was shocked that they didnt either. After working there for 3 weeks I finally got around to cornering the branch manager and asking when he thought my time would be up. He gave me a look that suggested I just caught him without pants and said he didnt know. Oook.... so... you dont know could be the end of next month or October...or never?? Can I have a clue? No? Ok....
There is also the matter of my job description. I was told my admin part of the job would be customer service. So bad debt calls for people who dont pay, welcome calls for new people, general Q&A that comes in. Noo... thats about 10% of what I do. The other 90% is whatever the other admins hand me that they cant find time to do. The only really good thing about this is that each one of the admins is taking a week long vacation over the summer at different times. None of them know how to do each others paperwork so I will be the only person who knows how to cover their shit when they are gone....cause I know all now...I think...well, I know what to do with the paperwork but I dont usually know why Im doing it because their system is ass backwards and redundant.
So..yeah...I feel like I was tricked and whats funny is the girl who was hired at the same time I was also feels she was tricked but all in all we just dont care.
As long as we get our shit done we can do whatever we want. We dont have to worry about anything after we leave for the day. And occasionally the techs buy us food. Sometimes we almost feel bad that we are being paid so much because there are days where we do very little besides file.
All we have to do is put up with one admin (who has been around for 11 years) constantly talking our ears off with gossip about the techs and giving us the stink eye when she has to stop texting and pick up the fucking phone because we are busy. We occasionally have to fuck things up to figure out how to do things because training pretty much consisted of being handed a computer and files and shooed off to make it all do something...and bugger if I know what that something is. And we do get the occasional wacko on phone, for example, this morning, when we checked the voice mail we found six long messages from a guy about finding Jesus. In each one he started talking a little bit faster to try and get his whole speech in before he got cut off. By message six you couldnt understand a damn word he was saying but he sounded damn proud of himself when he finished! So yeah, at least its not boring.

To Ikea!

My grandma is dying.
Very slowly.
Shes been talking about dying sense I was 12. If I said, "I want you to come to my wedding!" she would say "I wont live that long." If I said, "See you next Tuesday." She would say, "I'll be dead by then!"

Shes 83 now and after fifteen years of talking about dying Im really surprised that shes actually making her will. Shes letting people know what she wants done with her ashes. Actually, by people I mean me, she specifically told me to take care of it because my aunt who usually takes care of her doesnt listen. Shes also handing out her money because she doesnt want the bank to take it when she dies. Shes very quietly handing it out to family that she thinks deserves it...and I got picked.

This actually makes me feel like shit. My Grandma never made a lot of money. She is on a fixed income and it pretty much just covers bills. She even uses government programs for food because she doesnt make get enough to buy groceries sometimes.

Last month we were talking about how Mos mother is going to come to the US. My Grandma asked where she was going to sleep. We dont have a lot of room here with the baby so we have had to send visitors to hotels. Mo wont make his mom go to a hotel so we thought we would just give her our bed and sleep on an air mattress for a couple of weeks.

Gramzy didnt like that. She insisted that we should get a couch with a pull out bed for when out of country family comes. We told her we would be fine and we just bought the couch we have now so we didnt want to spend money on a new one.

So she sent me a check for one thousand dollars to buy a new couch....and a dehumidifier for the basement...not sure why that got stuck in her head.

Mo said I should just tell her we are going to use it towards something else or put it in a savings account for Lea. I already tried to do that. She is SET on us getting a pull out couch. I cant even bring myself to just lie about it and stick it in savings. Its like her dying wish is for us to have a pull out couch!

So at some point this weekend Im going to hit up Ikea and see if they have anything comfy. If I get the couch cheap enough I can stick the rest in savings. Gramzy cant argue with that.

Girls night out

I guess its kind of a good thing that I decided to hold off from updating.
My first half a week back to working was emotional.
My new job is not hard by any means. I almost feel bad that they are paying me so much to sing my ABCs and do data entry. The people there are also very nice and have a great sense of humor.
What sucked was the total lack of sleep. Lea doesnt "go to bed" until 10. She wakes up at 4 or 5 to eat and I have to be up by 6:30 to get her to daycare and get to work. I dont fall asleep easily so even if Mo gets up with her to feed her Im wide awake at 5am.
So last week I was a horrible emotional wreck from lack of sleep.

This week I think I have just gotten use to not sleeping because I feel fine.

Of course my spirits were lifted quite a bit after a girls night out. A few friends from WI came up for the weekend and we went to a geeky burlesque night at a bar. And us being...well, us... we saw the word geek and dressed up. Lindsey was Black Widow, Lisa was Kaylee from Firefly, Quynh was Sailor Saturn, and because I didnt want to wear a skirt, heals, or makeup my first night out drinking after having a baby I was a Captain Hammer groupie. I had his dry cleaning bill....4 sweater vests.

We were the ONLY people outside of the people performing in the show to dress up. Lots of people stopped us and said they wanted to dress up but were too chicken and asked to take pictures with us. 

We had a lot of fun watching the burlesque show. These chicks dressed up in geeky costumes...and took them off...cause thats what they do. There was a Laura Croft, Princess Peach, a Tron stripper pole routine, and a chick dressed up and stripped as a TARDIS. They also had one guy who was Jareth from Labyrinth... who was very tall, skinny, and white...and had a major wardrobe malfunction, to the delight of every woman and gay man in the bar. 

It made me want to do burlesque, but my friends reminded me that if I joined the classes the group was advertising I would probably have to perform with them, which doesnt bother me, but Mo probably wouldnt be too happy.

That man is going to have to get over my being naked if Im ever going to have fun.

Cant deal

Im having a really hard time dealing with the idea of bringing Lea to daycare next week.

I successfully quit my job and got a new one that has regular day time hours so Lea can go to a daycare. With this job after taxes and the cost of child care I will only be bringing home about $600 a month. It puts a dent in bills but nothing would be going into savings on my end.

My logical side thinks that my going back to work is a good idea. I tried being a housewife once and went a little nuts. Its a little different this time having someone to look after and talk to even if she doesnt talk back, but Im sure in a few more months Im going to be pulling a Buzz Lightyear tea party.

Also, after getting the $3000 hospital bill any dent in the bills is a good dent. We really want to look into buying a house so staying out of debt is a plus.

After Maor looked over the bill and saw just how much my insurance paid for he asked how people without insurance could possibly pay to have a baby. I couldnt give him an answer because I really have no clue. I guess they would just pay it off like a student loan.

While my emotional side is crying and complaining about leaving her Maor keeps giving in and telling me its ok to stay home. Its really hard to tell if he thinks everything will be fine if I do or if hes giving in because he hates seeing me upset. So Maor is going to go with me to drop off the paperwork at the daycare tomorrow. Hes going to look around and talk to the people again with me. Then we will decide if we feel right leaving her at a daycare full time so soon. 

How the hell could you leave this???

Awww.... my arm is asleep

Lea has this thing lately where she wants to sleep on you. Its cute and I love snuggling with her but its very hard to get anything done. Right now I need to make her more formula and wash bottles but I stuck here on the couch...poor me.
Well, I could get up and do what I need to do. When I put her down I usually have a half hour to an hour window where shes fine. She stretches, makes little sleepy smacky mouth noises, farts, and figures out your not there... then she pouts until you pick her back up.

I think I will just stay here for a while and wait for Game of Thrones to load.

Sleep, eat, poop, repeat

Ok, so I may have over estimated my ability to get things done while on maternity leave.
I had planned on starting some crafts and seeing if they would be profitable online, cooking again, working on some reorganizing of the house, and getting in as much of a workout as I could before things started to hurt.

Im not doing so well with that plan. I havent drawn anything, I havent created anything, I have done SOME cooking and cleaning but not a lot. After the first week of being home sleep deprivation snuck up on me and kicked my ass so I really needed to nap when Lea was sleeping. Now I've hit a point where I spend 2 days where I can be up all day doing things, then I need a day where I sleep whenever Lea sleeps. So far those 2 days of productivity have been spent on having visitors over or running errands.
I think it would be a lot worse if Maor had a normal job. Because he has a 24 hour on call job there are days where hes gone all day but there are also days like today where hes home almost all day so I can nag him to do some chores or hand over Lea and take a shower or a nap.
Working out is currently not an option. The weather has been nice so I have been taking Lea out for walks but I noticed that if I go too far I feel like its the day after I gave birth again. Its kind of a, my guts feel like they are about to fall out of my vagina, feeling. Its unpleasant.

So its almost been 3 weeks and Im starting to have a bit of anxiety about going back to work. Maor and I have agreed that I wont be going back to my retail job, it doesnt make sense to. We would actually lose money if Maor stayed home to take care of Lea while I worked on days where we cant take her to daycare. There is a very real possibility that I will be taking a job with another company right away.
On the one hand: Yay, a job that had normal hours so Lea can go to daycare.
On the other hand: NOoooooooooooooo....... my baby! Strangers no touchy!!!!!!!! SHE WILL NEVER BE OK WITHOUT ME!!!

Thats probably not true but it keeps me awake at night thinking about dropping her off at daycare. I wish I could find a way to work from home...or win the lottery... or sell a painting for a couple thousand dollars so I can at least stay home for another 3 months. I dont like the idea of handing her over to someone else so soon. Time needs to slow down.

Thank you!!

Thank you for the well wishes and happy birthdays to my Lea.

We are still getting adjusted to being parents but we are doing well. We havent gone crazy from lack of sleep yet. I am going a little crazy from not leaving the house in a week. Its too cold lately to take her out for a walk (and its been raining every other day) and Im sure as hell not taking her into public places. I got nervous enough taking her to her doctors appointment where all those germy snotty children were sneezing all over the damn place.

I do have to take her back to the doctor next week. She didnt gain any weight back after leaving the hospital (but she didnt lose any either) so they want to see her again. I dont understand why because all the parenting books I read say that most babies lose a little weight in the first couple of weeks then gain it back. I think they just really like seeing me.

Lea also got a very nice present in the mail yesterday! A turtle night light and a sheep that sings. I put the sheep in her pack-n-play that we set up in the living room (its way easier to set her down there then keep walking back and forth to her bedroom during the day). When she wakes up she likes to look at it. Im not sure if shes thinking "what the hell is that?" or "I have gas" or she could be trying to send distress signals to it because these two crazy giants stole her from the warm place and keep dressing her up in cute outfits.
Anyway, Im sure she says "Thank you for my new friend!"