Saturday, April 28, 2012

Sleep, eat, poop, repeat

Ok, so I may have over estimated my ability to get things done while on maternity leave.
I had planned on starting some crafts and seeing if they would be profitable online, cooking again, working on some reorganizing of the house, and getting in as much of a workout as I could before things started to hurt.

Im not doing so well with that plan. I havent drawn anything, I havent created anything, I have done SOME cooking and cleaning but not a lot. After the first week of being home sleep deprivation snuck up on me and kicked my ass so I really needed to nap when Lea was sleeping. Now I've hit a point where I spend 2 days where I can be up all day doing things, then I need a day where I sleep whenever Lea sleeps. So far those 2 days of productivity have been spent on having visitors over or running errands.
I think it would be a lot worse if Maor had a normal job. Because he has a 24 hour on call job there are days where hes gone all day but there are also days like today where hes home almost all day so I can nag him to do some chores or hand over Lea and take a shower or a nap.
Working out is currently not an option. The weather has been nice so I have been taking Lea out for walks but I noticed that if I go too far I feel like its the day after I gave birth again. Its kind of a, my guts feel like they are about to fall out of my vagina, feeling. Its unpleasant.

So its almost been 3 weeks and Im starting to have a bit of anxiety about going back to work. Maor and I have agreed that I wont be going back to my retail job, it doesnt make sense to. We would actually lose money if Maor stayed home to take care of Lea while I worked on days where we cant take her to daycare. There is a very real possibility that I will be taking a job with another company right away.
On the one hand: Yay, a job that had normal hours so Lea can go to daycare.
On the other hand: NOoooooooooooooo....... my baby! Strangers no touchy!!!!!!!! SHE WILL NEVER BE OK WITHOUT ME!!!

Thats probably not true but it keeps me awake at night thinking about dropping her off at daycare. I wish I could find a way to work from home...or win the lottery... or sell a painting for a couple thousand dollars so I can at least stay home for another 3 months. I dont like the idea of handing her over to someone else so soon. Time needs to slow down.

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