Im trying to keep myself occupied. I started on Leas Halloween costume. I spent WAY more than I thought I would on it but most of that is because of the thread I need to use to do the embroidery.
I am plowing through it faster than I want which is good and bad. Good because I can start on my Elsa costume. Bad because I cant afford to start my Elsa costume.
I need to keep my head buried though. Well, its not so much a need as a want...
If I have room to think of other things then I feel. I dont like to feel.
Its actually pretty funny that I decided to make Lea Anna and myself Elsa. Lea is my little summer bug. Social, bright, and so full of life. Im trying so hard to hide everything from everyone around me, I dont like to feel anything. If I do start to get emotional I hide so no one sees it. I want to be a rock.
...I have issues...
Long ago I dated a guy who called me his winter girl. Whatever reasons you can think for a man calling a woman that are all right. Thats what I am. Im a winter girl.
I dont think I was ever meant to know summer.
This seems like a sad and introspective post, but it may just be your pragmatism shining through. You know what you are and are comfortable with it. I think it is sad to me that you don't want to or have trouble with showing emotion. It is an age old self preservation move that has helped many people cope with many issues in the past. I was so excited for you when you were in love and even more excited when you brought Lea into the world. You will always have her. After the dust settles I am happy for you to be able to move on to the next chapter. Pulling for you.
ReplyDeletePulling for you and Lea. Thank you for your generous heart.
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