Drama, Theft, Badger, Assault...normal

Unless Im deliberately trying to be dramatic for comedy or just maximum "this is frustrating" effect I dont tend to get too excited about the things that go on at work. This is one of the reasons everyone tells me EVERYTHING!

Here was my day today:

7am: 

Went to a meeting we have once a week about participants where we talk about the problem children and how to deal with them with new people and share any knowledge we have about whats going on in their lives that could have suddenly made them seem more difficult or explain any odd behavior. 

My favorite couple has apparently broken up. I noticed Sandy flirting with a few young line guys at the beginning of the week. She was waving all the time and I guess she walked up to one guy and started rubbing his shoulders. His reaction was "What do I do? I dont want to get her upset but...ahh!" 

We had to put her on the other side of the production floor away from her eye candy and 2 female line leads are trying to steer her back to being with Gary. 

I have noticed poor Gary has been down all week. I said, "So thats why hes been so quiet! My poor Gary!" The person in charge of participants said, "Oh no, there is more going on with him but that doesnt help."

Eric has been acting out. Nothing I would consider crazy considering we have participants that get violent for almost no reason. He just took back his chair when the new guy took it away after he kept falling asleep at his table. He never does that. Person in charge of the participants said, "Yeah, he doesnt do well with change. I just hope he doesnt lose his pants. (Que questioning looks from those of us who havent been around for more than 4 months) Oh yeah, years ago we had a major manager change like we are about to have and he just pulled down his pants to the floor and started peeing. They had no idea how to handle it and ran to us (she meant her and the one other person in the room who has been there for years) screaming "HELP! WHAT DO WE DO! HES PEEING EVERYWHERE!"

8am: 

Thats when participants come on the floor and if I havent watched the clock and hidden myself somewhere by my desk or in the warehouse get bombarded with at least 6 participants wanting my attention. 

Participant 1:"Can you write this down for me mama?"

Me: "Sure. (On a good day its one sentence... today she started singing.) Hun, I have things I have to get to. Can we shorten that?"

While Im writing, Participant 2: "Hey Niki!" (Thats not my name, not even close but thats just what he likes to call me.)

Me: "One sec."

Participant 2: "Nikiiiii! Nikster! Nikkiiiii!"

Me: "Whats up?" 

Participant 2 tells me all about what he did last weekend for the 15th time while I try to look interested and answer everyone else.

Participant 3: "Where am I today?"

Me: "Your on batteries."

Participant 3: "I cant do clack?"

Me trying to answer everyone at this point: "We dont have any orders for clack. Hi Debbie! Oh yeah, you dads picking you up today. Cool!"

Participant 3: "Can I pull the fire alarm?"

Me: "No, you still cant pull the fire alarm."

Participant 3: "Did you flush the toilet?"

Me: "I hope so. Hi Ron!"

Participant 4: "You like my tie?"

Me: "I like your tie Ron."

"You like my shirt?"

"I like your shirt."

"You like me?"

"You know I like your Ron."

This is inevitable really considering I have to check on how every participants work is turning out anyway Im one on one with every with them at least once a day. Its just less overwhelming if I dont get caught in the wave of them all heading to the floor. It also avoids repeat stories. Once I had to hear about a woman finding a cat 4 times because that day every manager that needed to talk to me had to do it within arms length of her. Im not totally convinced that they didnt do it on purpose.

10am:

I go to check on a line that I might as well live at considering how many problems the machine has. I was informed by people Monday that they saw one guy drinking damaged goods and hiding it in a trash can behind the machine. I found an empty bottle. They again told me as soon as I got over that they saw him do it again the day before. I did a "why is the machine acting up?" walk and looked in the trash, nothing there. I went back about an hour later and found 2 empty bottles of a product we haven't worked on in over a week in the trash can hidden under film that was pulled out during the many fixings of the dumb machine. 

Here is the thing with that:

1) Even if the production big boss said "Sure, take the damages." (Which I keep telling people who eye them or just ask me, if he is in a good mood and they dont take advantage of it, he will!) Its NEVER OK TO DRINK THEM ON THE FLOOR! Thats a health code violation.

2) There are cameras. Oh there are fucking cameras. And Ive noticed over the past week that the bosses LOVE watching them. I think they are after one person but people are getting caught in the cross fire. Hiding behind a machine to take a drink will hide you from people ON the floor...not from that camera over there dumbass.

So I narced. The guys on the line know I only narc when I think someone deserves it and this guy totally deserved it. Hes being lazy as fuck and chugging multiple bottles in front of everyone else keeping their noses clean like hes sneaky... nuh uh.

Usually I just walk up to people and say "Stop it." to whatever rule they are breaking and they do. He bypassed that with me after I watched him go up to the line and stare at rejects like they would get up on their own and walk into a bin off the belt. I was standing in front of him on the other side of the belt grabbing rejects watching him not move a god damn muscle and said "Fuck it."

Him: "What?"

Me: "Bucket. Can you get me another bucket?"

12:10pm:

Before everyone can go to lunch they have to do stretches. I usually make sure Im by my desk at that time so I can snake my way out the side so no one sees me go outside to smoke. I dont need to stretch, Im running around all day, Im bending over, Im lifting, Im smushing myself between things like Elasticgirl to do counts. A neck role and wrist twist isnt going to help me. I want 2 minutes of silence before I get people coming out for lunch updating me on anything I may have missed during my constant tour of the floor. 

I was staring off into space at a picnic table when two very large black men who also escaped the stretches off to my right smoking and talking by the air conditioner suddenly jumped and ran over to me (one actually jumped ON the table.)

"JESUS! DID YOU SEE THAT?!"

Me: "No."

"THAT WAS A FUCKING BADGER!"

Me, getting up slowly and sitting on the table: "Awesome."

1pm: 

All the mangers have gone missing. A new line lead who cant multitask for shit is freaking out because 2 of her participants are MIA. Somewhere around 9am I was asked by a manager to make sure she stays calm and to help her however I can because her freaking out gets everyone freaked out. 

Me: "I'll go find people."

.....I found someone but not the someone that I wanted. "Where is X or Y?" 

Him: "They are occupied there was a...." Then he got grabbed by someone else who needed him to step in.

Meh, there was a....

I will find out soon enough.

1:15pm

Answer to "there was a....."

Over lunch a few people went to a restaurant and out of the blue a female line worker started punching a male line worker.

There was much MUCH more detail but honestly there are holes in the story big enough to drive a MAC truck through. I just let one person involved vent to me and said I wouldnt say anything. Which I didnt. My mouth hasnt opened about any of it. 

This is normal. Very stupidly normal. 

4th Wall break

I need to find my own place. It was decided Thursday that I cant stay with my friend anymore no mater how nice he is.

1) Im too much for him. I havent camed because I have a fear that he will walk in. Not because Im afraid of him seeing me naked or something but because I think his conservative brain would burst.

I said I wouldnt bring guys over. His girlfriend is over every weekend (which I dont care because Im never here on weekends so I spend maybe an hour around them, and for other reasons, his place his rules and all...but still its always weird thinking "Im going to invite *sexy guy 1* over!....oh fuck..wait...FUCKKKK")

2) People are trying to use me to keep tabs on him and apparently hes keeping tabs on me:

Whenever his girlfriend is over when Im home she will find a quick second to try and grill me on SOMETHING. Nothing totally specific. She just makes comments like "Hes so grumpy." "Hes been so quiet." 

What do you want me to say? If you dont see him more than me you need to stop calling him boyfriend because we talk for maybe an hour a week. He told me he had a shitty work week. His Aunt died. Maybe he stubbed his toe? Could it be that you constantly make fun of him in a teasing sarcastic tone so often that even I (person who has known you for a total of 4 hours in 2 months) wonders if you are really just a huge bitch trying to be cute. I want to think your cute but Im starting to want to slap you for him. Also, some of the things you say about yourself make me go "Wait, 1+2 should not equal 5 here."

I have coworkers that ask about him. Which is fine. But very recently (the day after I decided I need to move out) one of them just asked "Is he going to work?"

I said, "Yeah. He took a couple days off because he was sick but hes better now."

Coworker, "What kind of sick?"

Me, "It could have been allergies for all I know. I swear men are babies when they are sick. He was acting like he was dying."

I didnt think about this conversation for a second because this coworker is about to move to Florida and I know they are playing the "lets get together, oh something came up." game. Then 5 minutes later I went "Wait, what?" because...well just think about it.

So about the people keeping tabs on me. Wednesday night I got a message from a hot guy on an app that he wanted to hang out. And being a classy lady I went "Damn that is one hot piece of ass! Shit, I cant bring him here! I'll tell him to pick me up and take me to work tomorrow." He agreed. Well, Im use to living 20+ minutes from civilization so I wasnt in a hurry to pack my overnight bag. Que a text message 5 minutes later saying "Im here!" 

Well, fuck. I grabbed everything I could remember might be essential to looking normal tomorrow and ran out the door. Apparently forgetting to lock it. 

Anyway, the night went fine. I now am so use to sleeping alone the poor guy kept having to fight my unconscious ass for space. It was great for me. For other reasons though I doubt we will see each other again. 

Forth wall break. (I'll be more than happy to smack you upside the head while explaining how what you said was really REALLY wrong.)

Anyway, I went to work. I took a half a day because my mom is my babysitter obviously and she had to pick up my sister from Ohare. (My sister went to Iceland on a research trip. She got me a rock from a site where they filmed GOT... love her.) Everyone knew I was taking a half a day on this particular day...except for my room mate and his friend I work with. So before I left I said, "Hey, did I tell you Im taking a half day? My boss will be here soon I think." That was it.
So Im walking home and my room mate drives by. Me inside "Oh hes going to work early. *waving* Hi roommate!"
He was apparently SUPER concerned about my forgetting to lock the door and not being home. I thought it was very nice of him to be concerned but also thought "My toothbrush, shoes, phone, bag, ect were gone...what do you think happened?" I found out he texted my coworker asking where I was and he said, "She just left" Thinking nothing of it.
Being a logical person the level of concern he had is sweet but.... irrational. Who dies in a ditch with their toothbrush? It is nice. Im very glad hes looking out for me but there was a lot and very little planning involved with my disappearance to say anything but "Got laid, had plans next day."
I dont like people watching everything I do. I dont even let my own mother do that.

Now looking for sugar daddies to get me more space than I need in a place I cant afford!

There was a middle but there is no end

Where did I leave off?
Honestly, I dont remember and I dont care to look back so lets just a super general catch-up to where I am now.

Im just going to lump most events together that lead up to now as depression. Deep dark depression. Honestly, I didnt talk to anyone about it unless they noticed because I got blown off a lot. Now that Im out of my depression people who ask how I got to where I am now say, in my response to my simple answer of "depression", "I didnt think people like you got depressed." To which I would say, "What do you mean, people like me?" And they would respond "Attractive people." or "Funny people."
Thank you, I also think Im attractive and yes, I like to find the funny in everything. If I dont I will go right back into the hole I just got done crawling out of...and I dont want to be in the hole again.

So, that's that. No need for gory details, so dont ask. On to where I am now:

Housing:
After my first year in my last apartment I never signed an on going lease. The landlord just said "Lets just do month to month." I figured he was going to try and sell the building. 2 years later I got a notice saying "Termination of lease." Not an eviction notice. Totally legal. I however was not expecting it after being there for 3 years so I hadent saved for a down payment on a new place plus the first months rent, moving costs, or a storage unit. I was convinced for 28 days that I was shit-out-of-fucking-luck and just packed up my most important things, sold off what I could, and prepared to be homeless.
A friend of mine reached out at the last minute and said they had an extra room I could use. HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WAS SAVED! So I have moved in with my friend, I live in the spare bedroom on an air mattress and have my stuff still in storage bins or suit cases. Its not fancy but its a roof. We work opposite shifts so we only see each other for a few hours on Friday.
Honestly, its like living with a ghost. I walk in to an empty apartment do my thing, go to bed, and when I wake up doors are shut and things have been moved around.
I will owe this friend forever. He says that cleaning the bathroom and doing dishes is enough but Im pretty sure if he ever asked for a kidney in 10 years "He made sure you werent homeless" will be the first thing to pop into my head. Hes seriously set up for organs from me.

What I think is odd: I lost just about everything. Im sure everyone thinks of the perfect scenario where if a fire starts what they would save. Thats what I did. I acted like that was happening. I only took what was most important to me. I was bawling my eyes out for 2 days straight after I moved in with this friend. He seriously let me just curl up on the couch and cry while watching LivePD (thats actually pretty entertaining) and kept dropping pizza and Mexican food in front of me until I snapped out of it. I think he should be a doctor. When I stopped crying I just stopped and went "Well, shit... never hurts to start over does it?"

Lea:
I will not lie. My depression started effecting Lea. She started to tell people I slept a lot. I was forgetting things. It was not good. My parents noticed and took legal guardianship of Lea. I was there at the hearing of course and explained the situation. The judge said that she could see that I was a smart responsible person for being able to understand what I was accidentally doing to my daughter and making sure effects on her were minimal. Yay, Im aware of my effect on the one I love the most. Didnt make me feel better. I actually just got a lot worse for a while.
Up side, shes on my parents insurance which is WAY better than mine so, yay.
I also see her every weekend or day off in general that I have. She always sees me at my best.
As far as I know unless its someone close to me that I have just told no one has actually picked up on the fact that I dont have Lea full time.
Im working on changing that obviously. Now that Im much better I just need the place and the means and I want her back with me. Thats the goal.

Work:
Oh sweet jesus on a pogo stick. I have had so many jobs in the past couple years its sickening. I have either walked out of them or just gotten myself fired for not showing up. Mentally, I just couldnt take them for one reason or another. Constant negativity everywhere, stupidity (and I can take stupidity but this wasnt funny stupidity... this was... go jump off a bridge stupidity.) I just couldnt hack em at the time.
Lucky for me my friend who was kind enough to take me in also happened to know a place that was hiring (its actually always hiring).
Its a non profit company that does assembly, packing, and shipping type work. They hire disabled people (they call participants) and people who have a hard time getting a job for whatever reason (they call them support, I call them line workers). I had never worked in that type of setting and beggars cant be choosers so I took a job as the Quality person.
No one works under me and right in the building no one is really over me. My job description is to go around making sure that product is being assembled/packaged/shipped to customer specifications, do audits, and generally make sure everyone is following the rules.
What I actually do is all that plus I sit down and help on jobs....because I get bored very easily so if I run out of things to check on and paperwork to do Im just going to keep myself busy assembling or packing crap.

Funny thing is... I actually LOVE this job. I can keep myself busy all the time, even my boss who shows up once a week knows that I know what the fuck Im doing so besides saying "Did you look over the job card for *job starting next week*? Yeah. Good." Im just left alone to do my thing.
The participants love me and I think most of them are great (there are a couple that I just do a quick "Hey! *check 5 random pieces* Great job!" and run) but they are problem people such that if you spend too much time around them will either hit you and you dont know why or NEVER LET YOU LEAVE THEIR SIDE!
The participants are my happy place. It doesnt matter how crappy the day is or if 90% of the building is in a horrible mood, 10% are still sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. Wendy who constantly asks crazy things like "Can we have a squirrel here?" "Can I pull the fire alarm?" "What would happen if I didnt eat lunch? or just yells "LUNCH TIME!" for no reason constantly cracks me up. AJ likes to talk about watching womens wresting. One guy always wears old school Power Rangers EVERYTHING, never talks, but will randomly just walk up and hug me (Im not a touchy person but he has the mentality of a 6yr old so Im flattered that he considers me safe and I just deal with it like I would deal with a child) . I dont even know his name but I sent an email to Jason David Frank about the guy hoping he reads it and maybe sends a "Good job buddy!" letter to this guy because he doesnt work enough to get any of the little certificates the company has made up for participants. Im also, "Happy friends." with Dale, (he reminds me all the time) and witness to the ridiculously adorable relationship between Gary and Sandy (watch the other sister... that little romance is what I see every day. If you dont go "awww" you are a heartless twat).
With the support staff, or as I like to call them line workers, its a love hate relationship. Because they hire people who have questionable backgrounds we get everything from people who are trying to rebuild their lives, people who just need a part time job to supplement their other disability income, or lazy ass mother fuckers.
I gave myself a reputation pretty quickly with the support staff and the management. Im not above doing your job for you to prove its just that god damn easy (and I'll tell you, no one likes it when a 5'6 skinny white bitch goes "Hold my clipboard." and does a job faster and better) and if you work hard I'll help you with whatever you want. Cant find a box cutter? Here are 2 new ones. Dont want to take out the 2 boxes of catfood that exploded in the heat in the warehouse so its now covered in maggots and smells like something beyond death? I'll at least move it to the side and bat my eyelashes at the manager with the muscles until he takes it out. Whatever you want. If you are lazy though...Im your worst nightmare because I see and hear everything...and I give the most evil look ever which has made people jump right the fuck out of their skin to do whatever it was that I politely asked them to do in the first place.
Yep, I love it. Only thing I dont love is the pay and benefits. Its a non profit so both are shit.
Im working to trying to find something similar with better pay.

Dating:
Im going to leave this as an "Im trying."
Unless it pops into my head none of the past horrible dates will be mentioned. Lets just start fresh here.
I am trying to date. Its not going well. More to come...probably soon.

There, we are all caught up. From now on Im going to blog like normal.

Hold on to your butts.

Maybe its a sign?

After I came home from Israel I called the pre school Lea was supposed to be enrolled in and said I wanted her in for the next semester. I had her enrollment fee and paperwork in back in August and she was geared up to go till I decided to run half way around the world.
They told me there was still room for the days I wanted and it was no problem.
Last week I went in to drop off her immunization records (that they dont require till 30 days after the child starts) and the lady said she thought all the classes were full and I couldnt get in.
Excuse me? My daughter has been enrolled for half a year. Weeks ago there was no issue but now we are bumped?

I didnt freak out. She said someone would call me and let me know. I havent heard anything. I dont think I will because now its Christmas break. I will call a couple times anyway to try and get an answer starting Monday.

Im thinking this is a sign.
I do really want to visit my older sister and her 2 kids in Malaysia. Maybe we should just go.
I also told my in laws I would try to be back for Passover if I can afford it.

Maybe this is just what is supposed to happen. Instead of being in a structured classroom my daughter will just learn from interacting with kids that dont speak her language (my sister was raised in Germany her kids dont speak much English and of course the Israeli family speaks Hebrew) in a verity of social situations in different cultures.

Its not the American suburban wonder bread way but maybe it will just be our way.

You havent seen me angry yet

I found out some of the paperwork I got for my divorce was wrong and there is some other stuff you get after you physically file that everyone needs to sign.

Maor still wont answer my calls.

His parents suggested I call his cousin that he still talks to and ask him to call me. So I did.
I was not pleased with what the cousin said.

Maor is not talking to me because he came to visit a couple weeks ago and I wouldnt let him in the house. He also wants to be away from drama. That is complete bullshit. Maor has NEVER tried to come visit. He hasnt even called.

I told his cousin thank you for the information and for trying.

Inside Im in a rage.

He hasnt come to visit. The only drama is coming from his ignoring the fact that hes an adult with a wife and a child.

Ive decided that after Disney Im going up to Minneapolis again and Im going to stay there as long as it takes to hunt him down and get him to sign. Too bad for him I am relentless and know exactly where to go. I also have no shame when Im angry and will tell EVERYONE what he has done till he signs. I dont give a shit. Im building a new life without him all I need is him out.
He can ignore us as much as he wants when Im not legally bonded to him.

Im on the fucking war path now.

Maor, if you still read my blog, you dont want to know whats going to happen when I get up there but I will tell you anyway. You have 2 weeks to stop acting like a child before I rip you out of your hiding place. I will find you, I will ruin whatever reputation you have made for yourself, I will make you sign the fucking divorce papers, and I will smile the whole time after the lies you have spread.

There is nowhere for you to hide. You and I both know I have all means to hunt you down. I will probably beat you with the paperwork too, which is thick so thats no joke.

My anger at this point has no end.

Im not dead yet!

Well, Im still alive.

Israel was pretty damn awesome.
I hate to say it but the stabbings made it more enjoyable. Instead of them feeling like we should go to every tourist spot that I have seen twice already we stayed around Haifa and went to the beach a lot.
I was in heaven.

Yes tourist spots are great and I LOVE seeing historical sites but I was working my regular hours which in Israel is 12am-8am. So I slept for about 4 hours every day because even though they insisted I sleep they are fucking loud by nature. I can hear an Israeli coming from a mile away. I did have ear plugs because I knew what I was getting into....thats how I got my 4 hours of sleep a day.

So, to explain the previous blog post:
I got home the week of my birthday. I told Maor not to come that first weekend because my aunt and grandma were coming for my birthday and Halloween. My family HATES Maor because of what he has said to me, his not paying child support we agreed on, his now frequent disappearing acts, and lots of other things that happened while we were married that just made them angry.
So my asking him to wait till the week after was really for his own benefit. Who wants to show up to see their kid to be greeted by a family that would turn their backs to an accident happening.
He said OK.

After Lea and I got home I became so sick that my parents thought I was going to die and ended up taking Lea for a while.
I had a temperature of 103 for 2 days straight and started hallucinating.
Before I started getting REALLY bad I called Maor 3 days before he was supposed to come visit and asked if he could come early to take care of Lea. He said he couldnt but suggested I go to the hospital told me to call him later.
2 days later when my fever broke and I could kind of function again I remembered it was the day he was supposed to show up. I called him. No answer. Text. No answer. Facebook. No answer.
I went to the hospital a couple weeks later because whatever I had came back. My parents took Lea again.
I texted Maor to tell him I was in the ER. I called his parents when I got out of the ER. Still nothing from him.

That was 11/6. Its 12/12.
Nothing.

Not for my lack of trying. Ive tried calling, texting, facebook, pleading, threats, calling his parents, skype. NOTHING. No answers.

I think hes seeing someone else. I told his parents that because I still talk to them once or twice a week. Hes not even talking to them anymore.

The explains the last post.

So now Lea and I are doing Hanukkah and preparing for Disney.
I dont know what Lea is going to do when Hanukkah ends. Every night now she gets excited when the sun goes down and sits at the table waiting for me to light the candles and give her presents for the night. That ends in 2 days.

We leave for Disney on the 23rd. The whole thing has been planned out because my aunt Mary is stupidly excited and has been thinking about this for a year.
Im just looking forward to some real time off, seeing family I havent got to really visit with in YEARS, a pool, sun, seeing Leas little face when she sees the freaking castle and all her favorite characters.

My whole plan is to wake Lea up super early on the day we leave and give her a new Disney themed backpack (to be determined, I havent been shopping), new coloring book, new crayons, and her Ipod loaded up with her Disney movies and tell her to get her butt out the door. Shes 3 so she wont get it but that part will be for me. We have to drive 3 hours to the airport.

Its going to be fucking magical. We both deserve a fucking magical week.

This post is for one person.

Maor.

What the fuck?

You have gone M.I.A again.

I dont care what your reasoning is to your parents.

Im currently trying to figure out what to do with you from now on. We will be divorced by the end of the year even if I have to drive up there and make you sign things myself. I wont bring Lea if I do have to come find you. It will just be me and the wrath you know I can bring, behind me.

I just need to figure out what to tell Lea.

Also, Ive decided we are going to Malaysia to visit my sister. I know how much you love the idea of me going to a primarily Muslim country to visit my pro Palestinian family.
Sit on that for a bit.

Happy Holidays.

-Your wife.