You must stay here, forever, and ever, and ever

Maor has been having some shitty luck in Vegas. Part of the reason he decided to come home as soon as possible.

He bought a cheap red eye flight out that was supposed to leave at midnight his time and get in at 5:30am here.

He called me at 1:30 to let me know the flight was delayed.
Then he called at 2:30 and said the flight was canceled because of a security problem.

He got a new flight out later in the afternoon. I hope nothing goes wrong with this flight. Its like Vegas wont let him leave.

First Christmas

Leas first Christmas was a lot of fun.

Friday night I drove down to my parents house right after work so Lea would sleep through the 4 hour drive.
I got in at exactly midnight. Leas little eyes popped open right when I pulled up. It took a couple hours to get her to settle down and go back to sleep. She was very excited to see Grandma and Grandpa. My little sister was also having a sleep over so Lea was greeted by 3 teenage girls high on chocolate cake and red bull with mustaches drawn on their faces in eye liner.

Saturday Lea and I chilled at the house with Grandpa. Grandpa was officially the favorite for the weekend. I suspect it had something to do with his dark hair and glasses and her missing Daddy but I didnt tell him that. Lea also discovered a singing hallmark toy that she just LOVED.

Sunday I spent the day visiting friends. I pawned off Leas old baby cloths to a friend who is expecting her first girl in March. I told her to go through the stuff when she had time and whatever she didnt want she could donate.

Christmas eve day we sat around the house, made cookies, and hand a Lord of the Rings marathon. At some point in the day we stopped the movie and I took my little sister out to teach her how to drive (she just got her learners permit on Friday). She did pretty well... though shes terrified to step on the gas and stopping at any speed will give you whiplash.
Christmas eve we followed my parents to church. Leas was determined every day to stay up as late as possible and Monday night was no exception, so we tagged along to 9pm mass because I knew my mom wanted to show her off to her friends and I figured Lea would enjoy the singing anyway.
Lea was VERY good in church. She wiggled around a lot and forced herself to stay awake but she was quiet. There was a baby right behind us crying half way through and Lea shot up and gave the kid a look that said, "Are you trying to get me in trouble??" It was very cute.
We got back to my moms house around 11pm and I finally got Lea to go to sleep. I figured she would sleep in the next day but come 8am she woke up and started wiggling around like a fish at the bottom of a boat with a big smile on her face like she knew what was going on.

Lea got 2 new outfits, a fisher price phone, stack-able rings, and a teddy bear. I got soap and candy (my parents still do my stocking....and in our family Santa doesnt want you to smell funny). I also got a gift card to Target that I plan on using to buy Lea more cloths with. Shes growing like a weed and in another week her jammies are all going to be too small.

I drove back up to Minneapolis Christmas night. I got home around 11:30pm so I was dead tired going into work yesterday but it was worth it.
I think Lea is a little upset that we left. Shes been acting clingier the last couple of days and the daycare says that she hasnt been nearly as perky. They think its because of her teeth coming in but her mood is just fine as long as I stay in the room.

I think she will perk up when Daddy comes home Saturday morning. :)
I bet he cant wait to kiss this little face!

Woohoo!

I am determined to have a fantastic weekend.

Tomorrow I need to get up early, put Lea in daycare, go to work, get Lea, feed her and get her all ready for bed, pack up the car, put Lea in the car, and drive 4 and a half hours to my moms house.
I could wait until Saturday morning but Lea hates the car so she will sleep for the first half of the trip and scream for the last half.

Im not going to worry about a damn thing. Im going to visit with friends, eat my parents out of house and home....if they have any food in the house, they usually dont but sometimes there are cookies, and watch my daughter try to pull down the Christmas tree.
Im also going to go sledding because there was just a huge storm so it is prime sledding time!

I cant wait!

Have you seen..

How adorable my little girl is?

I had to share

Lea caught a cold

Thanks Stephy!

Good feeling gone

Today I woke up feeling like today was going to be a great day. Our company had its holiday party so everyone was excited for free food, its a Friday, and I was finally getting my wipers fixed on the car.

I got a pumpkin latte this morning, buzzed through my work so I would have plenty of time to enjoy eating and chit chat, and was wearing a very festive santa hat that said "bah humbug" and blinked provided by another admin. I was in the middle of my giant plate of BBQ chicken when Maor called.

He was beat up and mugged last night and as per his normal he had been carrying a lot of cash (hes just the type of person that prefers to see his money...drives me nuts for obvious reasons).
I went through a very wide range of emotions. I was worried about how badly he was hurt, hes pretty beat up and might go to have his ribs checked out because they hurt the worst but considering they were carrying knives he came out ok. I was panicked over the amount of money they took because it really doesnt help our financial situation. I was pissed over him carrying cash. Then I felt horribly guilty for yelling at him about it because what if him just giving them the money was the only thing that kept him from getting stabbed?
I started feeling dizzy and nauseous from thinking about how hes hurt, his pride seems broken, and even thinking about how close I could have been to losing him just puts me over the edge. So I spent the rest of my lunch picking at my plate trying to act normal because I didnt want to cry at work.

Then someone pulled up the news and we started reading about the school shooting. I dont know why but I instantly worried about Lea....so I had to run to the bathroom to throw up from stress.
Everyone at work was very deeply effected by the news. There are only 2 people I work with who dont have children. So the mood when from goofy to somber and outrage pretty damn quickly. Everyone went home early except me and one other admin because we needed to stay and man the phones.

I gave Lea extra hugs and kisses and snuggles, to the point where she was getting annoyed with me getting in the way of her playing.

Im so lucky that we are all safe, even if we arent together and we're going through some hard times we are ok.

I feel horrible for the people who cant say that tonight.

The Bug

Maor has decided that while hes making money, its not enough to justify being so far away.
He said that he didnt expect to miss us so much.

I didnt expect it to be so hard emotionally. The juggling work, Lea, cleaning, ect is easy. Sleeping alone, not having someone to share my day with, and sending Maor videos of Lea because hes missing so much is the hard part. Lea has also started yelling "Dada" when she wakes up in the middle of the night. I think shes just making sounds and shes stuck on the D sound currently but it breaks my heart anyway.

We cant wait for him to come home.

On a lighter note, Lea is also stuck on mouth farts. So cute but I need to wear a rain jacket.

Nothing is included with my rent. Not water, not heat, not garbage, not lawn mowing, raking, or plowing. I dont pay less rent for it either. I found out about 6 months ago that we pay more to rent than people in duplexes owned by someone else 2 houses down.

So it snowed today, a lot. I went out in the afternoon while Lea was taking a nap and shoveled a good 6 inches off my walkway and all down my roughly 20 foot driveway (its longer than that but Im really just counting from the back of the truck to the street). 
It kept snowing after that so after I put Lea to bed I went back out to shovel again. If I didnt have a little snow bank going you wouldnt know I shoveled at all. So Im trucking along in the dark when I look up and notice the driveway of the other side of the duplex is plowed. That side has been empty for 2 months.
The god damn landlord came out here, plowed the empty side, and left! He didnt touch my driveway. He didnt even knock on the door and asked if I needed it done... I know, cause I was home all god damn day! I know he didnt just hire someone to do it either because the walls here are like paper and I heard him walking around in the other side while I was feeding Lea.

Im was so angry I actually started shaking. 
I didnt call the landlord yet because I really need time to calm down. The only thing I can think to say pretty much goes something like "You lazy fucking asshole! I dont care if you said you dont plow, if you go to the trouble of driving all the way out here to plow one side then you should at least offer to do the side with a PAYING TENNANT you dickface!"
I also really wanted to do things like write "Landlord is an asshat" in the snow on that side, or shovel all the snow back into the driveway at least up to the first half...just to fuck with him.
I didnt...but I wanted to.

I'll call him and say something tomorrow...when I can think in more than just swear words.

White Castle and hearts attacks

With the holidays coming up work has been very boring. Im one of 3 admin. We are the only ones who are always in the office doing paperwork and answering phones. With the phones not ringing and very little paperwork coming in we have been filling the void with food. One tech brought in candied nuts, which started a full day of "Toms nuts are delicious!" and "I cant answer the phone, my mouth is full of Toms nuts!" while giggling like little kids. We are a very mature group. Our boss bought us a box of those little butter Christmas cookies that come in a tin (I LOVE those) and after a sales guy bought us all White Castle coffee mugs (I dont know why) we decided to send one girl on a special trip to White Castle to get us all tiny burgers. I've never had them before and I can honestly say I never want to have them again. They tasted fine but I felt disgusting after I ate a bunch of them.
I really want to make sugar cookies this weekend to bring in but while Im super skinny, the other two are starting to complain about their butts getting bigger. I might make them and bring them in anyway just so I can eat them all... Im sure some of the techs will wonder in and take a few.

Maor saved a life this week. Walking out of work on Monday he saw a guy laying in a parking garage so he called 911 and went with the guy to the hospital to make sure he was ok. The guy had a heart attack. Hes ok now.

Leas new thing is screaming as loud as she can at the highest pitch that she can. Not because there is anything wrong, she just things its super fun. I am slowly going def. The other day the daycare said she got up into another girls face and screamed until the other girl started crying. Today I walked in and Lea had her pacifier in her mouth. I asked if her teeth were bothering her, because thats the only time I ever give her her pacifier. They admitted she was fine but the screaming was getting irritating so they gave her the pacifier to get her to shut up.

I got Christmas Eve off. Weather permitting Im planing on going down to visit my parents for a long weekend. My windshield wipers arent working and I dont think Im going to be able to afford to have them fixed and I REALLY dont want to drive Maors tank of a truck all the way to Wisconsin.  So Im crossing my fingers for all sun.

Show glitch

My show glitched. After 4 or 5 no go starts where people either couldnt hear me or see me I finally got a show going.

I dont think it was actually recorded though so while people saw it live, you probably wont be able to see again.

Thanks to all those that watched. Sorry to anyone that cant see it.

I hope they fix the glitch.

Bored

I got bored today and started futsing with Cromes webcam app.

I probably did more picture updates today than I usually do in a month, but its pretty fun.

The snow one has to be my favorite. If you sit still it makes the little dots accumulate on things.

Show

I scheduled a solo show on Camwhores for Sunday.
Its mostly to tease Maor but Im sure no one is going to mind.

Someone hates me.

Yesterday I got up, dropped Lea off at daycare...and went back home to bed.
I was dying. Well, not really dying. Just in a very dramatic sick place where it felt like death.

I slept all day. It was glorious. Then I went to pick up Lea, fed her, played with her, put her to bed, and went back to bed!!

It would have been the perfect sick day... if someone up there didnt hate my guts.

Lea is still teething and it seems like its getting more painful by the day. I gave her baby Tylenol before she went to sleep but you can tell it pretty much wore off by 1am because she woke up screaming. I gave her a little more medicine and spent an hour trying to get her to stop fussing and go to sleep. When she did fall asleep I couldnt put her down. Anytime I went to set her down she woke up and the fussing started all over again. So after another hour of rocking and finally finding a position with her on top of me that was comfortable I was right on the edge of sleep...when the fire alarm beeped.
No fire, just that stupid beep it does when its about to die. The beep that is long enough in between beeps that lets you think maybe it was your imagination or it will just stop when, beep!
So I put down Lea, pulled the batteries out of the hallway fire alarm and spent another half hour trying to calm Lea down because she woke up as soon as her butt hit her bed.

I think I fell asleep again around 3. I got a good hour of sleep in before Lea woke up crying again and we started the whole process over again.

At 6:30 I HAD to put her down so I could take a shower. She stayed asleep by some miracle.
I stood in the shower for a while thinking about how the night sucked but a hot shower would make everything better and at least I wasnt feeling nearly as nasty. I just started to relax when, BEEP!

Amazingly Lea was not woken by my scream of anguish.

I think Im getting sick

I had full intentions of sitting down and making a post about my weekend after I put Lea to bed but I suddenly feel like I've been hit by a truck.

Im so tired. Single parenting has been very slowly wearing me down. It doesnt help that I've been entertaining friends and family for the past 4 days so I havent gotten any naps. I was really glad for the company because I have been incredibly lonely and heading towards depressed with Maor gone.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and ate too much pie. I had fun and got to visit with a few people I havent seen in a very long time because they also did not have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with.

But now Im going to bed.... and Im going to hope that this is my body telling me I need more sleep instead of getting sick.

Not cool

I woke up this morning and went to get my lunch together. I was greeted by a totally warm fridge. It must have been broken all of yesterday without my noticing because the freezer was completely thawed out. I had to toss out a lot of frozen meat.

So I called the landlord and had to verbally step on his neck to get him to come out and have someone look at it. He actually said "well, if they cant fix it for cheap then it might be a week before I can get a new fridge out there."
I told him, "Look, you've got an empty apartment next door with a working fridge. I dont care if you have to switch them around but Im not storing food in a cooler for a week because you wont pay for same day delivery on a new fridge!"

It was fixed by the time I got home but I had to sit though a 10 minute speech about how expensive it was and how I was put at the top of his list over someone with a broken cloths dryer.

I cant wait for our lease to be up. We are NOT staying here another year.

Ive got blisters on me fingers!!

I went into a cleaning frenzy today. I think I did it because Im still not use to being alone again. I have to be doing SOMETHING always. With Maor I could sit back and watch a show and relax. Now Im back to constant multi tasking.

I cleaned the bathroom and got the tub all prepared for Lea. Shes growing out of her baby bath so its time to introduce her to the big tub. There are rubber duckies EVERYWHERE because I actually collect rubber ducks. So far her favorite is the one that has googles and swimmies but I havent introduced her to all of the duckies yet.

I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor. When we first moved in I mopped the floor 4 times but still felt like I was pushing around layers of ground in dirt so I finally got down with a scrub brush and a bucket and Cinderellaed that shit.Then I mopped it 3 times. Its a HUGE difference. It really had to be done because Lea likes to follow me around and while I dont want her playing in the kitchen while Im cooking it will be nice to open up the Tupperware drawer and let her go nuts while Im doing the dishes.

Then I took Lea out and parked her in her stroller in the front yard and picked up all the leaves. Im about half way done. Im a little irritated because Im pretty sure the landlord pushed all the leaves from the other side of the duplex into the pile on our side after our neighbor moved out. There were definitely 2 very distinct piles and one was right on the split. I need to go out and finish tomorrow and do a little detail work.
Im pretty sure the guy 2 doors down thinks Im a nut case. While I was filling the bags I was chattering away about anything that jumped into my head because Lea is pretty cool with hanging out as long as you talk to her. I also put the bags over my head and played peekaboo with her. The neighbor saw and gave me the weirdest looks and it just dawned on me that I had Lea parked next to a tree in our yard so he probably didnt see the stroller at all.

Im exhausted.

That did not go well

My first night alone did not go well.

I couldnt sleep because I was stressed out. I tossed and turned in our king sized bed all by myself until at least 1 in the morning. The cat wouldnt even come and sleep with me. I would have pulled Lea in to bed with me but shes so squirmy now that I would be scared that she would roll right off the edge while I was sleeping.

Lea had the opposite problem. Shes cutting another tooth and didnt nap yesterday so she was so tired that she fell asleep in her bouncer at 5:30 and I fought to keep her awake until after I dropped Maor at the airport. So she woke up at 4:30 in the morning ready to play.

I did get her to go back to sleep just in time to take a shower and sneak in a half hour nap before I had to get packed up and go to work.

I looked like death warmed up today. I didnt do much besides shuffle papers today because I was so tired that I figured I would screw up the contracts if I even looked at them.

Coffee was my best friend today.

Stress

I would like to think that people think I handle stress really well.
Im fantastic at multitasking, Im very good at separating work and home life, and Im usually pretty calm under pressure. This is why I use to be a fantastic manager. I can usually keep everyone else calm in freak out situations.

My secret is I dont think about it. I dont think "holy shit, thats a problem!" I just deal with it.

2 years ago Maor and I went through a very stressful move and I started puking and dry heaving without warning constantly. We were both pretty worried that there was something seriously wrong with me because I would be fine then have to suddenly run to the bathroom. We thought I was pregnant for about a month before I went back to normal.
Maor only connected the dots after I started getting sick again a couple days ago. Apparently I have a puky reaction to stress. Hes a little worried because obviously, Im going to be here alone taking care of Lea with no support, and he doesnt want anything to happen to me. Which is cute. I'll be fine as soon as I get use to the idea of being alone again.

Work is being pretty supportive. I think they think Im a heartless bitch but they are still supportive. Someone at work asked me if I wanted Maor to go and the only thing I said was, "Its what has to be done." Im not about to get all emotional in the office. Hes my husband, I love him, hes sacrificing a lot to make sure that Lea and I are taken care of and nothing will bring back the 1 to 3 months hes going to miss of Lea growing up which kills me. Hes a great husband and dad, no one can dispute that.

Show

My first show in 4 years, if you havent heard about it is tomorrow on Camwhores

And endure we shall...

Remember how I said that Maor got pulled over twice in 2 weeks for not having insurance and I yelled at him... a lot?
Well it turns out in MN they revoke your license for driving without insurance.

So we found out today that Maor will lose his license for 90 days which means he cant make money because most of his job as a locksmith is driving from one place to another.

But we are not the type of couple that calls the Waaaaammbulance. We get on that shit and figure out what to do. So Maor got on the phone a got himself a job working for a kiosk...in Vegas.
Yes, the Mall of America is right next door but they said they would give us an answer on if they have openings in a week and a half. Vegas said they have openings now....and honestly Vegas will probably make way more money.

Monday Maor will go to Vegas. Im not happy about the distance but on the up side, hes staying with his cousin who LOVES to work out, so he will probably come back with abs.

Im grasping at happy straws here.

Still recovering

Have I mentioned how nice it is to have my house back to myself?
 Im still in the process of cleaning and reorganizing things back to the way I like them. Maors mom must have gotten board one day because my cupboard is all messed up and my dishes are in a weird order. I keep finding things in strange places. The worst one was finding roll of wax paper in the oven. We found it when it started on fire after we went to preheat the oven. That was a lovely surprise.

 Lea finally got her first tooth last week and is working on getting another so shes been very cranky the last couple of days. I forgot to mention that shes started crawling. Not on her hands and knees yet, she kinda army crawls around the room. The cat is not happy about this. She looks very worried whenever Lea gets up on her hands and knees and starts rocking back and forth with this look on her face that says "Im going to do it this time!!" Then she gets back on her stomach and starts inching herself along. Sumomo usually takes the opportunity to get to higher ground then. It wont be long till Sumomo is going have to start running.

Happy Birthday to me!

Its my birthday and my mother in law left today! YAY! ....no, thats mean.. I actually had a very nice visit with Maors mom. We only butted heads on things like the temperature of the house (She thinks 70 is freezing) and if cuscus is better made on the stove or in the microwave (because you get that authentic Mediterranean taste in the microwave) I will miss her. Shes a very lovely woman. She got along very well with my mother. To my surprise there wasnt much confusion due to the language barrier. Either my parents got use to Maors accent or there is some kind of Grandma mind reading thing. I won some brownie points by giving Maors mom Maors Ipad. He kicked and screamed like a little boy but he seriously doesnt need it....she doesnt either but she wanted it and its WAY more expensive in Israel so I told her to take it. His laptop is dying but I figured if it breaks we could share or wait till black Friday and buy him a new one on sale. Halloween with Maors mom was cute. We didnt dress Lea up because we decided shes just too little to go out and we ended up not going to that family party (no one felt like it). We had a few cute kids that Maors mom asked if she could take pictures of while Maor handed them candy. I had one boy that dressed as the catalog paper boy and I honestly couldnt tell if he was working or just had a good costume idea because he gave me a paper to keep. I gave him a ton of candy anyway. One down side, at 9pm we had a kid knock on the door (after our lights were out) and I opened the door to a 12 yr old kid not in costume, talking on his cell phone. I told him to get the hell off my porch. So this morning Maors mom had to leave. We all woke up early. Grandma got Lea out of bed... and took her to the airport. It was a sad goodbye. I was a little late for work but people understood. Also its my birthday so they totally spoiled me and my coworker who has the same birthday...and her name is ridiculously close to my real name. A friend of my coworkers brought in flowers and donuts for her so she shared. The managers bought us lunch. When we thought we were all stuffed and couldnt eat for a week another co worker came in with ice cream cake. I could work at this place forever purely because they feed me. Im stupidly easy to please. When I got home Maor made me a cosmo and gave me some sexy undies. I knew he got them for me weeks ago but this is the first time hes ever held back and given me a birthday present ON my birthday. He cant keep surprises in and will hand you unwrapped gifts as soon as he sees you because hes so damn excited. I saw the bag in his truck but told him he better be good this time and wait until my birthday to give them to me. Im very happy that he did. Now if someone would just make me a pizza this would be the best birthday ever!! Also, Im sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring emails... I will finally be able to catch up with everything this weekend.

Firefly

Monday I took half a day off from work to pick my mother in law up from the airport. I had planned on leaving at noon to pick her up from her flight landing at 12:30. (This is how awesome my workplace is) Even though everyone in their right mind knows a person getting off an international flight takes at least a half hour to get through customs, after I mentioned Maor freaking out that I might be late because I had to pick up Lea before going to the airport, they pushed me out the door at 11am to make sure that we were all there well before the plane even landed.
We got to the airport at noon and waited around the airport for an hour and a half in front of the international area for Maors mom to get off the plane. As luck would have it Lea fell asleep in my arms 10 minutes before Maors mom walked through the door. When she came out she stood in front of me and started trying to chit chat about being excited to be here while eyeing Lea sleeping on my chest so I took her purse out of her hand and shoved Lea into her arms. Lea may not have been happy about being woken up but Grandma almost cried in baggage claim when she hugged Lea for the first time ever.

We havent done anything too exciting yet. Grandma met Great Grandma and Great Aunt.
Shes done a lot of shopping.... and we have plans to go shopping again tomorrow (I have been working my normal hours so I havent been on the shopping trips yet. Maor has insisted that I get all final say in anything bought for Lea)
So far it has been a very nice visit. Grandma has volunteered to watch Lea so Maor and I can have a night out... coincidentally on Sunday which is the start of Restaurant Week in the Twin Cities *score!*
We have been invited to a proper Halloween party, which will be awesome for Grandma considering shes never experienced a Halloween. I need to make up a costume for Lea. The crowd isnt geeky so the Moogle costume is out till next year. Im thinking of making her Gizmo.

I have decided I want a new tattoo for my birthday. I want Leas name in Hebrew with a little firefly somewhere around it, because I call her my bug. Im not sure where I want it yet but the design idea popped into my head earlier today. I just need to find a good artist in the area.

Next weekend my parents are coming up. I honestly cant wait to see how they try to talk with Maors mom.

Great Grandma

So today started the barrage of family parading through my home for the rest of the month.

My Gramzy and Aunt Madonna came up over today. They live in Massachusetts so they dont get to see Lea often. Gramzy is 83 and its very hard for me to think of not having her in my life so every moment she gets to spend with Lea is gold to me. I wish Lea could grow up with Gramzy in her life because Gramzy such a fantastic strong woman.

This is by far my favorite picture of the day:

Tomorrow my mother in law will be here. Shes going to meet her Grand daughter for the first time. Its going to be a very exciting an exhausting day for everyone.

Luckily because my job is AWESOME Im taking a half day off to pick up Lea and take her to the airport with Maor so my mother in law can see her little grand daughter. I didnt need to take the day but you dont let your mother in law fly all the way from Israel to come off the plane without a huge fanfaire.

Sadly though, this also means my time on the internet is going to be limited for the rest of the month. So if I dont post, Im not dead... I just have my hands full.

Six months

To think...just six months ago I pooped in front of my husband...
then pushed out a kid...
and we still have sex.

Shes growing up so fast

Making dough

Yesterday we got some good news. Maor will be losing his licence for 30 days but hes been issued a permit to drive 6 out of 7 days of the week. I can understand that maybe the state just wants to put its foot down on people driving without insurance but honestly, when they give out permits that allow you to drive on every day but Sunday when your licence is revoke, what is the point? He did everything he had to do and paid his fines so just let him drive.

So we wont need to worry about going broke during the month of October....unless business really dies with the cold weather...but thats a whole other uncontrollable issue.

During our week long panic wondering how we were going to make enough to keep a roof over our heads Maor and I started looking over everything we do and thinking of ways to stop every dollar that goes out the door.
One idea was to start making more food from scratch.
There is a slight problem with this. We kinda suck at cooking. We both have 1 individual dishes that we rock at and everything else is hit or miss. Im awesome at making chili from scratch and Maor makes an awesome BBQ chicken.

So our first order of business was to see if making something simple, like a loaf of bread, was even doable with our schedules and complete lack of baking skills. It took and internet recipe and both of us trying to decipher baking terms but we did make a pretty tasty loaf of bread in about 2 hours.  We figured out after putting it in the oven that we fucked up some of the instructions but it still turned out.

I think I'll be adding bread making to our list of weekend chores.

Where did I go

Yes, I am stupidly skinny and have been stupidly skinny my whole life.
I have been made fun of my whole life because of how skinny I am. I have been both proud and ashamed of my build all my life because I can eat whatever the hell I want and people hate me for it and judge me purely based on my weight.

When I got pregnant and gained weight people complimented me on how good I looked and I didnt see it. I hated the way my body changed. It wasnt the same figure I looked at for years. I didnt know myself anymore.

When I gave birth and didnt immediately fit into my cloths again I was devastated. Again, people constantly complimented me on my figure but even though I smiled and said "oh thank you" I wanted to smack them. When people said I finally had a figure I wanted to cry. I may not have had an ass but damn it, I LIKED my lack of ass. I thought I had a sexy non existent ass! This new thing clinging to me was like jello on a stick. I dont understand the appeal.

So I havent been paying much attention to my figure at all in the last few months. I was resigned to the idea of never being able to hide by turning sideways again.
This morning I got up and while fumbling around in the dark trying to get dressed for work I realized I was out of clean work cloths. I could have worn the same pants again but they were looking wrinkled so I opened my bottom drawer and pulled out an old pair of pants and figured I would TRY to see if they would fit over my ass again.

They do!!

I can finally put on my old pants, turn sideways and only see a small line where a body should be.

I couldnt be happier.

Really?

I would never post this on my Camwhores blog because I dont want it to seem insulting or snobbish

...but...

why the hell am I ranked so high??

Seriously, there are lots of hot naked chicks and Im number 2. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth but I really dont understand what the hell people are thinking.

Its a sad day when conversation wins out over a wet vagina.

Count down to Mother in Law

Maor finds out if he gets to keep his licence on the 10th. He has to go to court, show them he did all that was required and ask them really nicely to skip the 30 day revoke.

So I put up the chipin again... just in case we will need the extra funds.
Same deal as last time $5 donation gets a non nude picture request. $20 or more and you can request classy nudity. :)

I wasnt going to put it up until after we find out the final verdict but I just remembered my Mother in Law is coming...and staying with us...in our very tiny house...from the 15th till the 1st...not conducive to nude photo taking in a timely manner.

This is going to sound horrible but Im not too excited about Maors mom coming to the states to stay with us for 2 weeks. Shes a very very nice woman but shes very stereotypical Jewish mother....and stereotypical Israeli  Shes pushy, she will guilt you, and she will spoil her damn son and grand kid rotten. I suspect that Maor will not lift a finger while his mommy is around which is going to drive me nuts because shes a guest and I'll feel horrible if she starts cleaning my house!
In the next two weeks I need to scrub his place from top to bottom so she has no reason to lift a finger (or comment on my cleaning skills) and I need to find a better hiding place for our bedtime toys in case she tries to help out by folding and putting away our laundry.

We shall endure!

Well not everything can go right now can it?

Apparently, after Maor got a new, used, truck he decided that he didnt want to go with the same insurance we've had and didnt insure the new truck right away. He just forgot, until he got pulled over. Ticket for no insurance.

After that he apparently forgot...again... to put insurance on the truck and accidentally hit someones mailbox when backing up after getting lost on a side road. The home owner wasnt around but the next door neighbor was standing right there, so he gave the neighbor his business card and asked him to pass it on and have the guy call him if he saw any damage.

So a couple days after that a cop shows up at our door asking why Maor did a hit and run on a mailbox.

Wha?

The police said they tried to call Maor a couple times from a blocked number and he didnt pick up. So hes being charged again with no insurance and a hit and run (which we asked how it could be a hit and run if he gave information, which the police CLEARLY got from the neighbor, because I've never heard of your phone number being attached to your licence plate). 

I was LIVID at Maor. Days of screaming ensued. Days...honestly.. I cant yell about it anymore. He should have insured the damn car especially after the FIRST ticket. No good will come out of yelling anymore. Im just repeating myself.

Anyway, today we got a letter stating that because of these no insurance tickets Maors licence will be revoked until he pays a fine, completes the written driving test again, and has our insurance company send proof of insurance on the car. I read the letter twice and there is something in it that makes me think that even if he does all this before the official date of revoking in 2 weeks they will still revoke it for 30 days. I think thats all a bit harsh for driving without insurance (and that IS all its for... I read the letter up and down looking for more than one reason for revoking). Im a little nervous. Maors job depends on his ability to drive and the harsh reality is we do live paycheck to paycheck. I already have ideas on how we can make it through without his income for a while, but I really hope it doesnt come to that. 

Im just trying to keep the perspective that things could be WAY worse, and we will endure.

The neighbor

I've lived in this house now for a year and a half. We know the girl who lives in the other half of the duplex, we politely nod at the neighbors across the street and the 20 children of various ages that go in and out of their house, and we wave at the neighbor who walks her cat every night that lives to the left of us.
The guy who lives with his mother to the right of us will only speak to my husband.
I did talk to his mother once. She was hanging her bras out by the back door while I was raking so I made some polite conversation.
I didnt think much of it the first year we were here. I occasionally see him out playing with his big German Shepard but I was usually on my way to work and just did the polite nod thing.
I didnt notice that he actually WONT talk to me until a couple of months ago. Maor was BBQing and started talking to him and when I came out with Lea he suddenly had to leave. Anytime they are talking if I pop up he bolts. I even noticed this summer that if Im outside he wont even look at me anymore.
At first I started thinking that maybe he doesnt know I speak English. Maor does have a super thick accent so maybe he just assumes that I just cant speak English.
I thought that right up until the 4th of July. We were shooting off fireworks in the driveway with my parents when he came out and started talking with my mom and once again acted like I didnt exist.

So last night Maor and I had some friends over for BBQ. I was sitting outside talking when I looked up at the kitchen window to yell something to Maor and realized the kitchen blinds are NEVER shut and they are on the side of the house that faces the neighbors.
I dont shut them because all the windows face south so we never get a lot of light in the house. When you wake up in the morning and the blinds are closed you almost cant tell if its day or night out it so dark.
When Lea popped out we still didnt shut them and I started walking around the kitchen half naked at all hours of the night. Im pretty sure that hes probably seen me naked. Which would make sense that he even stopped waving at me right after Lea was born.

For a second last night I thought maybe I should close the blinds just to be a little modest because Im sure as hell not going to all the trouble of putting a shirt on in the middle of the night when Lea starts crying for food.
Then I remembered tons of people have seen me naked and at least 8 people watched me push a human out of my vagina....fuck modesty... I left the blinds alone.

So Much food

Well the "treating myself" fund was WAY more successful then I imagined it would be.
I took my family out for pizza at a place called Pizzeria Lola. It was on Diners, Drive ins, and Dives and I have been wanting to go there for months. So while my parents and siblings were up for the weekend we went there and ordered 5 different pizzas. We got the sunny side, Korean bbq, Hawaiian, margarita, and my brother got a cheese pizza. They were all awesome!
Honestly I have spent most of the money on food. A coffee and desert here and there. There is a french cafe about 10 minutes away that makes one hell of an awesome raspberry cake. One slice is $5 but its sooo worth it!
I also bought Lea a bouncer. It counts as being for me because my arms were getting super tired holding her up so she could jump. I got a little annoyed when I bought it because I brought it home, set it up, figured out there was one piece missing and had to take it all down and go back to the store for a new one. It was all worth it after I got the second one put together and put her in it. Shes a little short yet so I folded up a thick blanket and put it under the chair. It super cute watching her bounce around and play with the toys. 

Shes blurry because she wouldnt hold still.

Im taking the rest of it and sticking it in my savings in hopes that when November comes around Maor and I can use it to drop Lea off at Grandma and Grandpas and have a quiet weekend in the Dells. I say hope because with the way my car is acting I might have to revert the funds into a "keep the car alive" fund. We'll see. We have to wait until November because we are totally booked this month and October with family stuff. 

Thanks again to everyone who took an interest!! Thanks to you, my butt is a little bigger and Im heavily caffeinated.

Im a witch!

Anyone ever read the Dresden files?

You know how the main character makes electronics go nuts and sometimes his car refuses to work?

Im convinced that I must be magic and my magical whatever is making my car hate me!

Every now and then my car just refuses to work. When you go to turn it on it sounds like its not getting enough gas and cuts off. It doesnt do it all the time. Sometimes I can go a week with no problems and other times it happens for days on end. It doesnt matter how full or empty my gas tank is. I tried putting in that engine cleaner. Nothing works. The worst thing is I took weeks before anyone believed I had this problem. It would act up, I would tell Maor my car didnt start, he would come out and try it and BOOM...it started.

So I got fed up on Friday and took my car over to a place close to where I work. They checked it over and called me up to let me know....they didnt see a problem.
Apparently it started just fine for them! They checked the computer and 3 things were going off that had nothing to do with the car starting....or anything else. 
Their only answer was to reset my computer and let me drive it around some more. They told me to bring it back in after its acted up at least twice. They will check the computer again and see whats going off the second time around then go from there.

Good week

This week was a very good week.
My boss made the mistake of challenging me and another coworker to collect bad debts from customers. For 20 people we collected on that are 60-90 days overdue he would give us a $50 gift card to anywhere we wanted...except Victoria Secret, because that probably wouldnt go over well with accounting or HR. The catch was we had to get the 20 people in a week.

He must have missed the shit eating grin on my face because he smugly added that for every bad debt we got that was 90+ overdue he would add $5 and that he will do for the rest of the month.

I had my 20 in two days. I stopped trying after 4 days because it gets boring calling bad debts and to be honest, my boss currently owes me more in gift cards than I believe the company is going to allow him to comp. 

My coworker also got her 20 but it took her till the last day.

This weekend my mom, little sister, and little brother came to visit. They were only here Fri and Saturday. I didnt get to hang out with them much Friday because I was working but Saturday we went to the opening day of the Renn Fair. 

It was a lot of fun. The jousting and shows arent that great at this Renn Fair compared to others but I love the demos the vendors do. Lea enjoyed herself so much that she slept through most of the day. She just couldnt contain her excitement.

Im actually pretty surprised she wasnt awake more. She doesnt sleep much during the day anymore. Shes getting so big.

...I havent posted a picture of her in a while...I should fix that

Also, thanks to everyone who has taken part in donating to my "Treating myself" fund.

I still dont know what to do. I think Im going to keep going with it until people just stop showing an interest and go on a shopping spree. I did buy myself a HUGE lemon blueberry cupcake. It was awesome! I wanted to take a picture of myself eating it but I was at the office...and they dont need to think Im any crazier.

I might have to get another one this week.

Treating myself

I do work full time but my paycheck goes exclusively towards bills. Because every week my paycheck goes towards daycare (which is about 80% of my paycheck), household bills, and groceries I dont have anything left over to spend on myself. I could ask Mo for money to go get a latte or get myself a massage but that just feels weird. I dont even like asking him for money to go pick up formula. I have no idea why.

So to generate some fun money for myself so I can grab a fancy coffee or maybe splurge and get a massage I'll be doing pictures for fun money. For a $5 donation I'll send you 1 picture of your name (written on a post it note) on my arm, leg, face, ect... you get to choose but no nudity. For a $20 or more I'll do the same thing except you can have nudity.

Example:

Thats a cropped example...

If you want to take advantage of this please donate to my chipin then email me at immora01@gmail.com with your request. Please give me at least 24 hours to fulfill your request...seeing as I work full time and have a 4 month old.

Thanks!

Locked out

My family came up to visit last week. Their plan was to park their pop up in our driveway and skip paying for a hotel room. That would have been a good plan if it was 95 to 105 the whole time they were here. They ended up getting a hotel anyway. I was totally ok with this because their having a hotel meant access to a pool and free drinks every day from 5:30 to 7.

In anticipation to their coming up I decided to delete my browsers history in case my little brother or sister decided to use my computer. I didnt want to take the chance of a porn site popping up under auto complete in the address bar. In doing this I was also logged out of all the sites I told my browser to save my password for. Thats really no big deal except for the 1 site that I have a completely different password for than any other site...camwhores. A few months ago someone in China tried to log in to my account so I changed the password to something totally obscure...and I cant for the life of me remember what the hell it was.

So I emailed Camwhores a week ago and let them know about this problem. I probably wont get my password or a link to change my password again for another month. A member gave me his users name and password for an expired account of his so I can at least chat and stalk people but Im iffy about using it because I dont want to get him into trouble.

Besides that there isnt much going on here. We got our new couch. Its pretty comfy and my Grandma is happy.

Forth of July was fun. We BBQed with my family and set off walmart fireworks. Maor got the bright idea that he should build a bigger firework out of the little fireworks. At that point my mom and I pulled out the vodka and let him and my dad unleash their inner pyros while my sissy of a 12 yr old brother stood at the end of the driveway with the garden hose aimed and ready. It actually worked and we were all temporarily blind for a few minutes. No one lost any fingers and nothing caught on fire. Lea missed the whole thing because she was sleeping by then.

I dont even know what I do

My new job is... different. I feel like I was tricked into taking it.
Mostly because when I was hired I was told that they were hiring 2 people for the summer. One would be a temp and one would stay on later. I assumed that meant they would decide on who they wanted to keep later. Nope. Im the temp, I found out on my first day. The 3 other admins asked me how long I was around for. I didnt know and was shocked that they didnt either. After working there for 3 weeks I finally got around to cornering the branch manager and asking when he thought my time would be up. He gave me a look that suggested I just caught him without pants and said he didnt know. Oook.... so... you dont know could be the end of next month or October...or never?? Can I have a clue? No? Ok....
There is also the matter of my job description. I was told my admin part of the job would be customer service. So bad debt calls for people who dont pay, welcome calls for new people, general Q&A that comes in. Noo... thats about 10% of what I do. The other 90% is whatever the other admins hand me that they cant find time to do. The only really good thing about this is that each one of the admins is taking a week long vacation over the summer at different times. None of them know how to do each others paperwork so I will be the only person who knows how to cover their shit when they are gone....cause I know all now...I think...well, I know what to do with the paperwork but I dont usually know why Im doing it because their system is ass backwards and redundant.
So..yeah...I feel like I was tricked and whats funny is the girl who was hired at the same time I was also feels she was tricked but all in all we just dont care.
As long as we get our shit done we can do whatever we want. We dont have to worry about anything after we leave for the day. And occasionally the techs buy us food. Sometimes we almost feel bad that we are being paid so much because there are days where we do very little besides file.
All we have to do is put up with one admin (who has been around for 11 years) constantly talking our ears off with gossip about the techs and giving us the stink eye when she has to stop texting and pick up the fucking phone because we are busy. We occasionally have to fuck things up to figure out how to do things because training pretty much consisted of being handed a computer and files and shooed off to make it all do something...and bugger if I know what that something is. And we do get the occasional wacko on phone, for example, this morning, when we checked the voice mail we found six long messages from a guy about finding Jesus. In each one he started talking a little bit faster to try and get his whole speech in before he got cut off. By message six you couldnt understand a damn word he was saying but he sounded damn proud of himself when he finished! So yeah, at least its not boring.

To Ikea!

My grandma is dying.
Very slowly.
Shes been talking about dying sense I was 12. If I said, "I want you to come to my wedding!" she would say "I wont live that long." If I said, "See you next Tuesday." She would say, "I'll be dead by then!"

Shes 83 now and after fifteen years of talking about dying Im really surprised that shes actually making her will. Shes letting people know what she wants done with her ashes. Actually, by people I mean me, she specifically told me to take care of it because my aunt who usually takes care of her doesnt listen. Shes also handing out her money because she doesnt want the bank to take it when she dies. Shes very quietly handing it out to family that she thinks deserves it...and I got picked.

This actually makes me feel like shit. My Grandma never made a lot of money. She is on a fixed income and it pretty much just covers bills. She even uses government programs for food because she doesnt make get enough to buy groceries sometimes.

Last month we were talking about how Mos mother is going to come to the US. My Grandma asked where she was going to sleep. We dont have a lot of room here with the baby so we have had to send visitors to hotels. Mo wont make his mom go to a hotel so we thought we would just give her our bed and sleep on an air mattress for a couple of weeks.

Gramzy didnt like that. She insisted that we should get a couch with a pull out bed for when out of country family comes. We told her we would be fine and we just bought the couch we have now so we didnt want to spend money on a new one.

So she sent me a check for one thousand dollars to buy a new couch....and a dehumidifier for the basement...not sure why that got stuck in her head.

Mo said I should just tell her we are going to use it towards something else or put it in a savings account for Lea. I already tried to do that. She is SET on us getting a pull out couch. I cant even bring myself to just lie about it and stick it in savings. Its like her dying wish is for us to have a pull out couch!

So at some point this weekend Im going to hit up Ikea and see if they have anything comfy. If I get the couch cheap enough I can stick the rest in savings. Gramzy cant argue with that.

Girls night out

I guess its kind of a good thing that I decided to hold off from updating.
My first half a week back to working was emotional.
My new job is not hard by any means. I almost feel bad that they are paying me so much to sing my ABCs and do data entry. The people there are also very nice and have a great sense of humor.
What sucked was the total lack of sleep. Lea doesnt "go to bed" until 10. She wakes up at 4 or 5 to eat and I have to be up by 6:30 to get her to daycare and get to work. I dont fall asleep easily so even if Mo gets up with her to feed her Im wide awake at 5am.
So last week I was a horrible emotional wreck from lack of sleep.

This week I think I have just gotten use to not sleeping because I feel fine.

Of course my spirits were lifted quite a bit after a girls night out. A few friends from WI came up for the weekend and we went to a geeky burlesque night at a bar. And us being...well, us... we saw the word geek and dressed up. Lindsey was Black Widow, Lisa was Kaylee from Firefly, Quynh was Sailor Saturn, and because I didnt want to wear a skirt, heals, or makeup my first night out drinking after having a baby I was a Captain Hammer groupie. I had his dry cleaning bill....4 sweater vests.

We were the ONLY people outside of the people performing in the show to dress up. Lots of people stopped us and said they wanted to dress up but were too chicken and asked to take pictures with us. 

We had a lot of fun watching the burlesque show. These chicks dressed up in geeky costumes...and took them off...cause thats what they do. There was a Laura Croft, Princess Peach, a Tron stripper pole routine, and a chick dressed up and stripped as a TARDIS. They also had one guy who was Jareth from Labyrinth... who was very tall, skinny, and white...and had a major wardrobe malfunction, to the delight of every woman and gay man in the bar. 

It made me want to do burlesque, but my friends reminded me that if I joined the classes the group was advertising I would probably have to perform with them, which doesnt bother me, but Mo probably wouldnt be too happy.

That man is going to have to get over my being naked if Im ever going to have fun.

Cant deal

Im having a really hard time dealing with the idea of bringing Lea to daycare next week.

I successfully quit my job and got a new one that has regular day time hours so Lea can go to a daycare. With this job after taxes and the cost of child care I will only be bringing home about $600 a month. It puts a dent in bills but nothing would be going into savings on my end.

My logical side thinks that my going back to work is a good idea. I tried being a housewife once and went a little nuts. Its a little different this time having someone to look after and talk to even if she doesnt talk back, but Im sure in a few more months Im going to be pulling a Buzz Lightyear tea party.

Also, after getting the $3000 hospital bill any dent in the bills is a good dent. We really want to look into buying a house so staying out of debt is a plus.

After Maor looked over the bill and saw just how much my insurance paid for he asked how people without insurance could possibly pay to have a baby. I couldnt give him an answer because I really have no clue. I guess they would just pay it off like a student loan.

While my emotional side is crying and complaining about leaving her Maor keeps giving in and telling me its ok to stay home. Its really hard to tell if he thinks everything will be fine if I do or if hes giving in because he hates seeing me upset. So Maor is going to go with me to drop off the paperwork at the daycare tomorrow. Hes going to look around and talk to the people again with me. Then we will decide if we feel right leaving her at a daycare full time so soon. 

How the hell could you leave this???

Awww.... my arm is asleep

Lea has this thing lately where she wants to sleep on you. Its cute and I love snuggling with her but its very hard to get anything done. Right now I need to make her more formula and wash bottles but I stuck here on the couch...poor me.
Well, I could get up and do what I need to do. When I put her down I usually have a half hour to an hour window where shes fine. She stretches, makes little sleepy smacky mouth noises, farts, and figures out your not there... then she pouts until you pick her back up.

I think I will just stay here for a while and wait for Game of Thrones to load.

Sleep, eat, poop, repeat

Ok, so I may have over estimated my ability to get things done while on maternity leave.
I had planned on starting some crafts and seeing if they would be profitable online, cooking again, working on some reorganizing of the house, and getting in as much of a workout as I could before things started to hurt.

Im not doing so well with that plan. I havent drawn anything, I havent created anything, I have done SOME cooking and cleaning but not a lot. After the first week of being home sleep deprivation snuck up on me and kicked my ass so I really needed to nap when Lea was sleeping. Now I've hit a point where I spend 2 days where I can be up all day doing things, then I need a day where I sleep whenever Lea sleeps. So far those 2 days of productivity have been spent on having visitors over or running errands.
I think it would be a lot worse if Maor had a normal job. Because he has a 24 hour on call job there are days where hes gone all day but there are also days like today where hes home almost all day so I can nag him to do some chores or hand over Lea and take a shower or a nap.
Working out is currently not an option. The weather has been nice so I have been taking Lea out for walks but I noticed that if I go too far I feel like its the day after I gave birth again. Its kind of a, my guts feel like they are about to fall out of my vagina, feeling. Its unpleasant.

So its almost been 3 weeks and Im starting to have a bit of anxiety about going back to work. Maor and I have agreed that I wont be going back to my retail job, it doesnt make sense to. We would actually lose money if Maor stayed home to take care of Lea while I worked on days where we cant take her to daycare. There is a very real possibility that I will be taking a job with another company right away.
On the one hand: Yay, a job that had normal hours so Lea can go to daycare.
On the other hand: NOoooooooooooooo....... my baby! Strangers no touchy!!!!!!!! SHE WILL NEVER BE OK WITHOUT ME!!!

Thats probably not true but it keeps me awake at night thinking about dropping her off at daycare. I wish I could find a way to work from home...or win the lottery... or sell a painting for a couple thousand dollars so I can at least stay home for another 3 months. I dont like the idea of handing her over to someone else so soon. Time needs to slow down.

Thank you!!

Thank you for the well wishes and happy birthdays to my Lea.

We are still getting adjusted to being parents but we are doing well. We havent gone crazy from lack of sleep yet. I am going a little crazy from not leaving the house in a week. Its too cold lately to take her out for a walk (and its been raining every other day) and Im sure as hell not taking her into public places. I got nervous enough taking her to her doctors appointment where all those germy snotty children were sneezing all over the damn place.

I do have to take her back to the doctor next week. She didnt gain any weight back after leaving the hospital (but she didnt lose any either) so they want to see her again. I dont understand why because all the parenting books I read say that most babies lose a little weight in the first couple of weeks then gain it back. I think they just really like seeing me.

Lea also got a very nice present in the mail yesterday! A turtle night light and a sheep that sings. I put the sheep in her pack-n-play that we set up in the living room (its way easier to set her down there then keep walking back and forth to her bedroom during the day). When she wakes up she likes to look at it. Im not sure if shes thinking "what the hell is that?" or "I have gas" or she could be trying to send distress signals to it because these two crazy giants stole her from the warm place and keep dressing her up in cute outfits.
Anyway, Im sure she says "Thank you for my new friend!"

Baby Lea

She finally came out.

Monday we went to the hospital in the afternoon because I once again thought my water had broken. It hadent but I was also starting to have real contractions. They werent too painful and 10 minutes apart so I was sent home.

They got worse. The pain was horrible but I refused to even try to go to the hospital again until they were 2 minutes apart. 

At 2am on Tuesday I woke up Maor and told him we needed to go to the hospital. 

We checked in and they got me hooked up to gadgets. I was only dilated to 1 when I got there (1 out of 10). A nurse gave me some drug that begins with an n to try and take the edge off the contractions so I could get a little sleep while they waited for me to dilate more.

At 7am the nurses switched and the new nurse that came in was less "what do you want to do?" and more "Im telling you what to do". She checked me and I was only dilated up to 3. After she checked me she started playing with my IV. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was upping my liquid so they could give me an epidural. I didnt ask for the damn epidural yet and didnt want to be stuck in the bed for the whole damn day when I was dilating so damn slowly so I told her to hold off and let me go walk around and at least wait for my mother to get to the hospital. 

At 1pm my mother was there and the militant nurse had decided that I was getting patocin because I was taking too damn long. Patocin forces contractions and while I did want the baby out I had heard horrible stories about how Patocin makes you fell like your dying. I told the nurse I wanted to go for another walk because as soon as they did the patocin I wanted that damn epidural in case the rumors were true.

......the rumors were really fucking true for me. A half hour after they pumped me full of patocin my contractions were so bad I was sobbing and shaking in pain. It was hands down, the worst fucking pain I have ever felt in my entire god damn life. It was so bad that when a contraction stopped I looked at Maor and his eyes were red (he doesnt cry, that is the closest I have ever seen him to crying). They were so bad that I didnt even feel the god damn epidural go in.
After that I shot up to 10 within a few hours.
I couldnt feel anything while pushing except pressure. Maor watched the whole thing. Im personally glad that I didnt see or feel shit until after they pulled her out and put her on my stomach.
I had to be sewn back together by the doctor. The healing process is a bitch. I feel like someone kicked the shit out of me.
We were only in the hospital for 2 days. Thank god cause the staff didnt communicate well so getting anything was a huge pain in the ass.

This is my Lea all cleaned up. I must say she is the cutest damn thing on the planet. 

Find me a trampoline!!

While I was at work Saturday I started having contractions that were 5 to 10 minutes apart. They werent painful, just really annoying. It feels like someone starts hugging me too damn hard and I cant breath.
I sucked it up until around 4pm when it just got too damn annoying to work anymore so I clocked out a couple hours early and went home.
Around 6 I started getting really light headed so we called the hospital and went in.
I thought the light headed thing was because I felt like I couldnt breath every 5 minutes but it turned out that my blood pressure was through the roof.
The nurse at the hospital told me to consider the annoying contractions my normal but they were really worried about my blood pressure so they wrote me a note saying "dont work!" and gave me a big orange bucket to collect my urine in for 24 hours so they could test for protein.

Monday I went in to the doctor and gave them my big nasty jug of urine. They checked my blood pressure again and I was back to normal. My doctor told me that while I dont have to be on bed rest anymore if it didnt effect my maternity leave I should just stay home.

So I called my boss and told her I am officially on LOA.

And now I have nothing to do but sit around and wait. I am not good at waiting.
I dont know what to do with myself.

Im going to go drive my car over speed bumps at 45mph...see if that doesnt get her the fuck out.

In case of baby

Today I wrote the schedule for the next 3 weeks. All schedules had backup schedules which assume that I've gone into the hospital.

Do you have any idea how freaky that is? Its one thing to think, "Ive got a few weeks left." Its another thing to start preparing to go to the hospital at any moment so that your employees dont freak the fuck out. 
Ive let everyone know to keep an open mind to both schedules because I could be calling them at 2am screaming "GO TO SCHEDULE B!" (That is the way I described it to them...because who knows if Im going to be calm enough to simply explain that Im about to shit a screaming watermellon and will not be able to open the next day. I like to make sure they are prepared.)

I have to go to the doctor once a week now. Yesterday they did a group b test. Next week I get yet another ultra sound....I think they are using me to meet some sort of quota at this point. 
I found out that I have developed sleep apnea. Maor was with me for this doctors appointment and asked if it was normal for me to be making "herrp" sounds in my sleep. I wish he would have mentioned it sooner. They cant do anything about it except hope it will go away on its own but it explains why I feel so damn tired all the time. 

Fun non baby related fact: 
Maor and I have been thinking about saving up to open a restaurant and call it "Holy Crape 

I didnt ask for a creeper with my coffee.

There is a Starbucks down the road from me. In the year I have lived in the area I have gotten my coffee and sat down to read there maybe 4 times.

So today I got my coffee, sat down in a chair in the corner, and read a bit (Im currently reading the first Game of Thrones book... Im 200 pages away from being done and I REFUSE to watch the series until I finish it). 
Halfway through my coffee I hear someone talking in my general direction. I didnt bother looking up because I assumed the person wasnt actually talking to me. The guy talking bent down right in my fucking face and said, "That must be your favorite spot! I see you there all the time."
I looked up at him and gave him a look like, "What the fuck do you want from me?" hoping that maybe if I didnt say anything he would just go away. He didnt. He kept staring at me and telling me about how he goes there all the time and never notices anyone else but me so this must be my favorite spot.

I finally gave in and said, "Its a place to sit." Then scotched myself down into the chair and went back to my Nook. 

I think he tried to keep up the conversation but I ignored him. He really creeped me out. Its one thing to strike up casual conversation... its another to get in a persons face tell them your the only one they notice. 

It sucks because I enjoy occasionally sitting in a coffee shop and chilling out and the area I live in is seriously lacking in comfy coffee shops but I dont think I'll be going back there for a good long time now.