Blogs dont grant wishes

Last night my work crush sent me a message saying come find me when you get in and hinted us being naughty while the place was mostly empty.
I was actually psyched to walk in the door for two reasons:
1) Im really kind of getting off on this whole secret sexual stuff, its like space camp all over again only this time we will still be stuck in the same place 2 weeks later so if we say "I'll call you." one of us better follow up or move out of state REALLY quick, and getting caught isnt a call to home... its a call to HR.
2) I never have anything to do the first hour that Im there. Unless something went wrong right before quitting time the day before Im just walking around the building trying to look like Im doing something for no god damn reason.
So I was excited. Nothing went horribly wrong Wednesday night so I can clock in shimmy over and see if he has the balls to try something in a place with a lot of cameras...and I mean a FUCK TON of cameras. Weee!!!......

That is not what happened.

Not only did I NOT get any of my blog wishes granted (see previous post) Im pretty sure something out there went "Oh..no, no no no...this would be more fun...."
I walked in an immediately a coworker goes "I think there may have been a fuck up." She explains. No big deal. Walk to my desk......and didnt even make it there because overnight about 40 of the damaged "waters" fell off a pallet on the floor and created a HUGE fucking mess. So I rolled my eyes and went back to the front to get paper towels to try and kind of clean up the mess until the janitor got there. After I find paper towels (which was not easy... he hides stuff that people are going to want really well. The door is locked and no one but management should know about the hidden key so apparently managers are like, "If I want tissues, Im getting some god damn tissues.") Im walking back to the back of the floor when I see all the managers in a huddle. I think, "Whats that about? Could be A. B, or C..." when a line worker who creeps me out suddenly walks by and says "You arent going to say hi to me?"
I look at him still walking and go, "Uh..wha? Hi. Sorry. Im busy!"
Trying to clean up the mess with paper towels did nothing. I picked up the bottles and vowed never to try the product because the "water" congealed on the floor. The paper towels didnt even start to soak up anything until I stepped on them and when I picked them up what was left over looked like the fat used to make soap in Fight Club.
Then the most annoying line lead we have that came up to me. The woman cant multitask to save her life. Shes not even trusted to use a computer alone to print labels so she usually comes to me to watch her to make sure she does it right. Guess what she needed? Labels. Not even for a job shes running, for the next job that she didnt start until after lunch.
So many bizarre and frustrating things happened that when I finally finished something I actually need to do by a certain time every day I thought, "Oh thank god its almost lun....wait...fuuucckkkk we havent even been through first break. Oh, Im going to cry."
I was walking through the floor when my crush rolled by on a forklift and said, "You're quiet today."
My response, "OH MY GOD!!"

A little later I heard someone say they were done with a project that was being done in a back room in the office. Yes, I'll just go do last checks on that and take a really long time.
As Im walking by my crush who is talking with a couple other managers: "Oh, if you need me Im going to be in the office doing checks for a bit."
I got in the office and their version of done is not my version of done. They were done with ONE part....not the second. So crush came walking through, both of us pulling poker faces in front of 2 other people in the room, then comes back and says: "If you have a second, I need help setting up X for Y."
Me: "Ughhh today wont end! Fine. I'll be right back."
Coworker: "Ha! Her favorite part of this job."
*Bullshit talk... get stuff....bullshit bullshhh..."
Him whispering: "I thought you were inviting me to come see you."
Me: "I was. Nothing is working out for me today. Apparently 'Done' does not mean what I think it means to other people."

And the Oscars go to...

I'll spare all the other details in between fun stuff besides this one...
A new manager pissed me off. REALLY pissed me off. Im not sure if he just has a voice that says "Im an asshole." or if he meant to sound like an asshole when he said, "Sooo, what do you do?" but I instantly wanted to backhand him. Then while talking with someone else about nothing I said, "Im from Maine."
Possibly asshole manager: "That itty bitty state?"
Me thinking hes joking: "Heh! *realizing hes not joking* No. No. That big state right up there in the corner of the map."
He gives me a blank look: "Well I know its east."
Later I was standing at the end of a long row of pallets waiting for one to be pulled out for me. The new manager is coming into the path and the fork lift driver honked just before pulling out of the row like he should but this dickwad didnt stop until he saw the fork lift coming out of the corner of his eye.
Possibly asshole manager: "You were going to let him hit me."
Me *with a dead eye stare*: "I thought you heard him beep."
Manager: "I didnt know where it was coming from."
Me: "Whoops."
(Pro tip: Dont ever get on my bad side.)

If you want a happy ending to this day let this be the last paragraph that you read in this post.
My crush and I did find a few minutes in the day to talk about stuff other than work which, unfortunately, makes me want him more. Hes hot and adorkable.
We made out for a second and I lost the game of chicken. He was very ready to just go at it right there and I noped out. Couldnt do it. I could feel myself turning bright red and thinking "Shit, what if we get caught."
So I left work going "Is it like 90 out?" while everyone was saying it felt like a nice fall day.
Im also having a very hard time getting this devious look he gave me out of my head. You can toss out all the really dumb sexual innuendos he said in conversations. That look was just screamed "Its a really good thing Im wearing pants."
He won that round.


Sadly though...
About an hour before the end of the day the participants person came up to me and told me one of my favorite participants dad had died. His brother was about to pick him up and he may never come back (Hes moving to another state so his brother can take care of him.)
I went up to him waiting at the door with her and another person who will miss him to say goodbye. He gave us both a big hug and talked about how he was going on an airplane to a new house. This participant is probably in his 70s with the mentality of a 6 yr old. Im going to miss him so much.

Dear diary, I would like a pony, and a new bike, and a MILLION DOLLARS

I had a horrible night of sleep. I had night terrors all night which alone Im totally ok with because then I just go "Ok...round 2." and go back to sleep. When you live with someone....who has PTSD from being in the military you wake up and go "Holy crap I hope I didnt scream myself awake....please dont bust in, please dont bust in.... it was hot in here and Im not wearing a top and we just dont need that kind of awkward *cringe*..........................*sigh* ok cool. Now to try and go back to sleep."
When my alarm went off I rolled over and went to pull up my normal sites that I read to keep my ass awake. I didnt minimize a dating site.
I got a message from my work crush in response to a smart ass comment I made a little over a week ago to get him to stop popping up as a top match on the damn thing.
Over a week ago! And yep, after some back and forth, I deduced that hes down for sex.
Why is there suddenly a response?
Does my blog grant wishes?

Lets test this:
Dear Blog,
I would like to have more time to spend with Lea, my own apartment ASAP, peanut M&Ms on my desk tomorrow morning, flowers for no god damn reason (because who doesnt want flowers for no god damn reason) and more money. Also a car but I guess I can just get that if you grant the money wish.

*squinting/crossing fingers/looking around*

Its probably an overnight thing.

Enter the next level of "Well, now what?"
Ok we have established there is a physical attraction. Great. We have established that we both have poker faces about it.... but lets face it, I think I won the game today I pulled off "Well, fuck me." while looking him dead in the eyes in front of everyone and got away with it because everyone knows I swear like a sailor.
Im actually not sure if I even want to have the sex. What if its not as good as flirting?

Crush: a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable or inappropriate

Im having a bit of a problem with work place crushes.

A new line worker has a crush on me. If he was 10-12 yrs older I might go "Hellooo." but hes not. Hes tall, dark, and ripped, not obnoxious like the other workers his age, and Im guessing painfully shy because most of his face is covered by his braids but hes MAYBE 22. My brain just goes "Aww, adorable but no."
A line worker who is much older than me said, "Hes got a crush on you." today.
I said, "I know..."
I knew from his first day. His eyes might as well turn into animated hearts when I walk by and yesterday he very unnecessarily picked up a very heavy bin full of water bottles and lugged it over to where we do rework showing off some really nice arm muscle action. I looked over and said "Woo. Someones showing off!" and he grinned.
Older coworker: "He asked me if I could talk to you for him."
Me: "Are we back in high school now?"
Coworker: "I told him to man up and talk to you himself."
Me: "Oh boy. Hes cute but way too young for me. This will not end well for him."
Coworker: "Mmmm-hmmm."
Now to add to that hint of awkwardness which I can easily play dumb about he either told some of the loud idiot workers his age or they are not blind or as stupid as I think and figured it out themselves and they are insufferable. One has started doing everything in his power to annoyingly get my attention and has started singing a song with a variation of my name VERY loudly.
If he keeps doing it Im going to have to get him talked to because its going to give me a headache and the song lyrics arent exactly something you want to hear yelled at work.
The young line workers dont last long so that bit of weirdness might be over by Friday.

I do however have a bit of an issue with myself.... I have a crush on a guy at work. Hes not a line worker and as far as I can tell hes not going anywhere so I just need to suck it up. Hes hot and every time I figure out we have something in common I mentally go "Damn it!"
Im not looking for a relationship. Every time someone on a dating site says "What are you looking for?" my answer is "I dunno." Friends are good. Fuckbuddies are good. If both work out and it turns into an actual relationship, great! If not Im not going to be devastated or even lose sleep.
This is why Im having an issue with this having a crush on a hot guy at work thing. If he was just some guy I kept running into at a coffee shop I would just say "Hey, netflix and chill?" If it worked out one way, the other way, or both ways...great. If not... oh well. But with work if he didnt share my "whatever, no drama" attitude its asking for disaster.
Half of me thinks he has no interest in me, so whatever. The other half wonders why a thing of tiny post-it notes just went whizzing by my arm but when I turned around he had obviously jumped behind a wall. Was that flirting or are my "HELL YEAH I WAS RIGHT AGAIN YOU MAN CHILD!" dances getting old?
Actually, if we are flirting with each other we are doing it by annoying each other soooo instead of acting like high schoolers like the young people, we are acting like grade schoolers.

I need a distraction. Preferably one with nice abs and a sexy accent...who delivers chocolate.

For pirates and death

Last weekend we took a family trip to the Renaissance Faire.
Lea dressed up as a pirate. We changed her earrings for the first time to little skulls and crossbones. Of course, shes my child, that would be her first change.
After watching Barely Balanced my daughter decided she wanted to learn to juggle and become an acrobat. Considering she was dressed like a pirate I just shrugged and thought, "Well, at least you want to make a more honest living now."

After a fun weekend it was hard to drag my butt to work this morning. As soon as the hot and muggy as hell production floor air hit me it went down fucking hill fast.
One manager has left and his replacement doesnt seem ready to be out of training. He looked like a deer in the headlights all day.
A manager from another branch is switching places with our top manager so hes started doing half days. I met him for 2 seconds because my Mondays are busy as hell so I have no opinion about him.
A new warehouse manager came in today. Hes still in training...and the person who is getting a demotion has to show him around. Awkward.
I do have an opinion of the new warehouse manager and you can guess what it is based off this:
I was walking back to my desk when I saw him walk to the floor with water pallets on a hand jack. I went "PPSSST!! *warehouse guy*!"
Warehouse guy: "Yeah?"
Me: "Do you suppose its safe to pull around 2 water pallets?"
Warehouse guy: "You cant...wait, like one on top of the other?"
Me: "Yeah."
Warehouse guy: "That would be dangerous because if you stop too fast, depending on if you are pulling or pushing, you could very easily have the top on fall on your or anyone in front of you."
I pointed. He looked and his face just went "Oh balls."
Me smiling and giggling like a maniac: "I see many accidents in your future. Many, many accidents."
This new warehouse guy was supposedly hired for his extensive warehouse background.

This was mixed in with very bad news. A participant died. I dont know how.
He was in a motorcycle accident years ago and from then on could only use half his body and could only communicate by spelling out words on a sheet of paper taped to the front of his wheelchair. I obviously didnt talk to him a lot but he seemed like a good guy. I tried to help him as much as I could when I was around without babying him which he liked (I think.). He always gave a thumbs up or a fist bump.
He had been around for a while. Participants and higher up people who know all the participants really well took it really hard.
I actually didnt know WHO it was for a bit.
I knew someone had died though long before it got around because the person who watches over the participants came up to another woman who has been around for a while upset. After they talked the air changed. (Seriously, when this womans mood changes its like "There is a disturbance in the force.") I knew someone was dead. It was sold in my head when a manager who works with a lot of the participants came up to me to ask something and his eyes just screamed "Im holding it in." I would have just gotten it out of him but he had one of the new managers behind him so I let it go until he walked away. When he was out of earshot I looked at a woman who has also been around for a while and said, "Something has happened."
Her: "What?"
Me: "I think someone died."
Later at lunch she sat down next to me outside and said who it was. They told all the participants in the break room over lunch.
Im not very good with dealing with deaths. I dont know what to say so I generally try to say as little as possible. A few weeks ago a participant died of phenomena and Ron (a participant) sat down next to me and asked me about heaven and god. I dont believe in either and my go to thing with most participants is to treat them like I would my daughter but I would never tell my daughter there is a heaven or a god. I literally flubbed my way through a barrage of  questions like "How do you get to heaven if you die in your sleep?" My mental answer, "You dont!" My actual answer, "Its easier that way because angels can find you in your dreams faster."
Ron came up to me again and told me about the death.
Me: "Yeah, I heard. Its very sad."
Ron: "Can I have a hug?"
Me: "Of course Ron."
Ron: "I love you Immora."
Me..... oh crap, say nothing. Hes just sad. He always just says to people what he wants to hear.
Ron: "You love me too, Immora?"
Me: "Yeah Ron, I love you."
Ron walked away satisfied. Then Timothy, who was sitting 10 feet away from all this pipes in...
Timothy: "He passed away."
Me: "Yes, he did."
Timothy: "Im not going to do that!"
Me: "I know you wont. You dont even have to worry about that."
Timothy: "Im not going to pass away. I dont want to do it. Nuh uh. Dont worry."
Me: "Im not going to worry about you Timothy."

Its going to be a great week.

Drama, Theft, Badger, Assault...normal

Unless Im deliberately trying to be dramatic for comedy or just maximum "this is frustrating" effect I dont tend to get too excited about the things that go on at work. This is one of the reasons everyone tells me EVERYTHING!

Here was my day today:

7am: 

Went to a meeting we have once a week about participants where we talk about the problem children and how to deal with them with new people and share any knowledge we have about whats going on in their lives that could have suddenly made them seem more difficult or explain any odd behavior. 

My favorite couple has apparently broken up. I noticed Sandy flirting with a few young line guys at the beginning of the week. She was waving all the time and I guess she walked up to one guy and started rubbing his shoulders. His reaction was "What do I do? I dont want to get her upset but...ahh!" 

We had to put her on the other side of the production floor away from her eye candy and 2 female line leads are trying to steer her back to being with Gary. 

I have noticed poor Gary has been down all week. I said, "So thats why hes been so quiet! My poor Gary!" The person in charge of participants said, "Oh no, there is more going on with him but that doesnt help."

Eric has been acting out. Nothing I would consider crazy considering we have participants that get violent for almost no reason. He just took back his chair when the new guy took it away after he kept falling asleep at his table. He never does that. Person in charge of the participants said, "Yeah, he doesnt do well with change. I just hope he doesnt lose his pants. (Que questioning looks from those of us who havent been around for more than 4 months) Oh yeah, years ago we had a major manager change like we are about to have and he just pulled down his pants to the floor and started peeing. They had no idea how to handle it and ran to us (she meant her and the one other person in the room who has been there for years) screaming "HELP! WHAT DO WE DO! HES PEEING EVERYWHERE!"

8am: 

Thats when participants come on the floor and if I havent watched the clock and hidden myself somewhere by my desk or in the warehouse get bombarded with at least 6 participants wanting my attention. 

Participant 1:"Can you write this down for me mama?"

Me: "Sure. (On a good day its one sentence... today she started singing.) Hun, I have things I have to get to. Can we shorten that?"

While Im writing, Participant 2: "Hey Niki!" (Thats not my name, not even close but thats just what he likes to call me.)

Me: "One sec."

Participant 2: "Nikiiiii! Nikster! Nikkiiiii!"

Me: "Whats up?" 

Participant 2 tells me all about what he did last weekend for the 15th time while I try to look interested and answer everyone else.

Participant 3: "Where am I today?"

Me: "Your on batteries."

Participant 3: "I cant do clack?"

Me trying to answer everyone at this point: "We dont have any orders for clack. Hi Debbie! Oh yeah, you dads picking you up today. Cool!"

Participant 3: "Can I pull the fire alarm?"

Me: "No, you still cant pull the fire alarm."

Participant 3: "Did you flush the toilet?"

Me: "I hope so. Hi Ron!"

Participant 4: "You like my tie?"

Me: "I like your tie Ron."

"You like my shirt?"

"I like your shirt."

"You like me?"

"You know I like your Ron."

This is inevitable really considering I have to check on how every participants work is turning out anyway Im one on one with every with them at least once a day. Its just less overwhelming if I dont get caught in the wave of them all heading to the floor. It also avoids repeat stories. Once I had to hear about a woman finding a cat 4 times because that day every manager that needed to talk to me had to do it within arms length of her. Im not totally convinced that they didnt do it on purpose.

10am:

I go to check on a line that I might as well live at considering how many problems the machine has. I was informed by people Monday that they saw one guy drinking damaged goods and hiding it in a trash can behind the machine. I found an empty bottle. They again told me as soon as I got over that they saw him do it again the day before. I did a "why is the machine acting up?" walk and looked in the trash, nothing there. I went back about an hour later and found 2 empty bottles of a product we haven't worked on in over a week in the trash can hidden under film that was pulled out during the many fixings of the dumb machine. 

Here is the thing with that:

1) Even if the production big boss said "Sure, take the damages." (Which I keep telling people who eye them or just ask me, if he is in a good mood and they dont take advantage of it, he will!) Its NEVER OK TO DRINK THEM ON THE FLOOR! Thats a health code violation.

2) There are cameras. Oh there are fucking cameras. And Ive noticed over the past week that the bosses LOVE watching them. I think they are after one person but people are getting caught in the cross fire. Hiding behind a machine to take a drink will hide you from people ON the floor...not from that camera over there dumbass.

So I narced. The guys on the line know I only narc when I think someone deserves it and this guy totally deserved it. Hes being lazy as fuck and chugging multiple bottles in front of everyone else keeping their noses clean like hes sneaky... nuh uh.

Usually I just walk up to people and say "Stop it." to whatever rule they are breaking and they do. He bypassed that with me after I watched him go up to the line and stare at rejects like they would get up on their own and walk into a bin off the belt. I was standing in front of him on the other side of the belt grabbing rejects watching him not move a god damn muscle and said "Fuck it."

Him: "What?"

Me: "Bucket. Can you get me another bucket?"

12:10pm:

Before everyone can go to lunch they have to do stretches. I usually make sure Im by my desk at that time so I can snake my way out the side so no one sees me go outside to smoke. I dont need to stretch, Im running around all day, Im bending over, Im lifting, Im smushing myself between things like Elasticgirl to do counts. A neck role and wrist twist isnt going to help me. I want 2 minutes of silence before I get people coming out for lunch updating me on anything I may have missed during my constant tour of the floor. 

I was staring off into space at a picnic table when two very large black men who also escaped the stretches off to my right smoking and talking by the air conditioner suddenly jumped and ran over to me (one actually jumped ON the table.)

"JESUS! DID YOU SEE THAT?!"

Me: "No."

"THAT WAS A FUCKING BADGER!"

Me, getting up slowly and sitting on the table: "Awesome."

1pm: 

All the mangers have gone missing. A new line lead who cant multitask for shit is freaking out because 2 of her participants are MIA. Somewhere around 9am I was asked by a manager to make sure she stays calm and to help her however I can because her freaking out gets everyone freaked out. 

Me: "I'll go find people."

.....I found someone but not the someone that I wanted. "Where is X or Y?" 

Him: "They are occupied there was a...." Then he got grabbed by someone else who needed him to step in.

Meh, there was a....

I will find out soon enough.

1:15pm

Answer to "there was a....."

Over lunch a few people went to a restaurant and out of the blue a female line worker started punching a male line worker.

There was much MUCH more detail but honestly there are holes in the story big enough to drive a MAC truck through. I just let one person involved vent to me and said I wouldnt say anything. Which I didnt. My mouth hasnt opened about any of it. 

This is normal. Very stupidly normal. 

4th Wall break

I need to find my own place. It was decided Thursday that I cant stay with my friend anymore no mater how nice he is.

1) Im too much for him. I havent camed because I have a fear that he will walk in. Not because Im afraid of him seeing me naked or something but because I think his conservative brain would burst.

I said I wouldnt bring guys over. His girlfriend is over every weekend (which I dont care because Im never here on weekends so I spend maybe an hour around them, and for other reasons, his place his rules and all...but still its always weird thinking "Im going to invite *sexy guy 1* over!....oh fuck..wait...FUCKKKK")

2) People are trying to use me to keep tabs on him and apparently hes keeping tabs on me:

Whenever his girlfriend is over when Im home she will find a quick second to try and grill me on SOMETHING. Nothing totally specific. She just makes comments like "Hes so grumpy." "Hes been so quiet." 

What do you want me to say? If you dont see him more than me you need to stop calling him boyfriend because we talk for maybe an hour a week. He told me he had a shitty work week. His Aunt died. Maybe he stubbed his toe? Could it be that you constantly make fun of him in a teasing sarcastic tone so often that even I (person who has known you for a total of 4 hours in 2 months) wonders if you are really just a huge bitch trying to be cute. I want to think your cute but Im starting to want to slap you for him. Also, some of the things you say about yourself make me go "Wait, 1+2 should not equal 5 here."

I have coworkers that ask about him. Which is fine. But very recently (the day after I decided I need to move out) one of them just asked "Is he going to work?"

I said, "Yeah. He took a couple days off because he was sick but hes better now."

Coworker, "What kind of sick?"

Me, "It could have been allergies for all I know. I swear men are babies when they are sick. He was acting like he was dying."

I didnt think about this conversation for a second because this coworker is about to move to Florida and I know they are playing the "lets get together, oh something came up." game. Then 5 minutes later I went "Wait, what?" because...well just think about it.

So about the people keeping tabs on me. Wednesday night I got a message from a hot guy on an app that he wanted to hang out. And being a classy lady I went "Damn that is one hot piece of ass! Shit, I cant bring him here! I'll tell him to pick me up and take me to work tomorrow." He agreed. Well, Im use to living 20+ minutes from civilization so I wasnt in a hurry to pack my overnight bag. Que a text message 5 minutes later saying "Im here!" 

Well, fuck. I grabbed everything I could remember might be essential to looking normal tomorrow and ran out the door. Apparently forgetting to lock it. 

Anyway, the night went fine. I now am so use to sleeping alone the poor guy kept having to fight my unconscious ass for space. It was great for me. For other reasons though I doubt we will see each other again. 

Forth wall break. (I'll be more than happy to smack you upside the head while explaining how what you said was really REALLY wrong.)

Anyway, I went to work. I took a half a day because my mom is my babysitter obviously and she had to pick up my sister from Ohare. (My sister went to Iceland on a research trip. She got me a rock from a site where they filmed GOT... love her.) Everyone knew I was taking a half a day on this particular day...except for my room mate and his friend I work with. So before I left I said, "Hey, did I tell you Im taking a half day? My boss will be here soon I think." That was it.
So Im walking home and my room mate drives by. Me inside "Oh hes going to work early. *waving* Hi roommate!"
He was apparently SUPER concerned about my forgetting to lock the door and not being home. I thought it was very nice of him to be concerned but also thought "My toothbrush, shoes, phone, bag, ect were gone...what do you think happened?" I found out he texted my coworker asking where I was and he said, "She just left" Thinking nothing of it.
Being a logical person the level of concern he had is sweet but.... irrational. Who dies in a ditch with their toothbrush? It is nice. Im very glad hes looking out for me but there was a lot and very little planning involved with my disappearance to say anything but "Got laid, had plans next day."
I dont like people watching everything I do. I dont even let my own mother do that.

Now looking for sugar daddies to get me more space than I need in a place I cant afford!

There was a middle but there is no end

Where did I leave off?
Honestly, I dont remember and I dont care to look back so lets just a super general catch-up to where I am now.

Im just going to lump most events together that lead up to now as depression. Deep dark depression. Honestly, I didnt talk to anyone about it unless they noticed because I got blown off a lot. Now that Im out of my depression people who ask how I got to where I am now say, in my response to my simple answer of "depression", "I didnt think people like you got depressed." To which I would say, "What do you mean, people like me?" And they would respond "Attractive people." or "Funny people."
Thank you, I also think Im attractive and yes, I like to find the funny in everything. If I dont I will go right back into the hole I just got done crawling out of...and I dont want to be in the hole again.

So, that's that. No need for gory details, so dont ask. On to where I am now:

Housing:
After my first year in my last apartment I never signed an on going lease. The landlord just said "Lets just do month to month." I figured he was going to try and sell the building. 2 years later I got a notice saying "Termination of lease." Not an eviction notice. Totally legal. I however was not expecting it after being there for 3 years so I hadent saved for a down payment on a new place plus the first months rent, moving costs, or a storage unit. I was convinced for 28 days that I was shit-out-of-fucking-luck and just packed up my most important things, sold off what I could, and prepared to be homeless.
A friend of mine reached out at the last minute and said they had an extra room I could use. HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WAS SAVED! So I have moved in with my friend, I live in the spare bedroom on an air mattress and have my stuff still in storage bins or suit cases. Its not fancy but its a roof. We work opposite shifts so we only see each other for a few hours on Friday.
Honestly, its like living with a ghost. I walk in to an empty apartment do my thing, go to bed, and when I wake up doors are shut and things have been moved around.
I will owe this friend forever. He says that cleaning the bathroom and doing dishes is enough but Im pretty sure if he ever asked for a kidney in 10 years "He made sure you werent homeless" will be the first thing to pop into my head. Hes seriously set up for organs from me.

What I think is odd: I lost just about everything. Im sure everyone thinks of the perfect scenario where if a fire starts what they would save. Thats what I did. I acted like that was happening. I only took what was most important to me. I was bawling my eyes out for 2 days straight after I moved in with this friend. He seriously let me just curl up on the couch and cry while watching LivePD (thats actually pretty entertaining) and kept dropping pizza and Mexican food in front of me until I snapped out of it. I think he should be a doctor. When I stopped crying I just stopped and went "Well, shit... never hurts to start over does it?"

Lea:
I will not lie. My depression started effecting Lea. She started to tell people I slept a lot. I was forgetting things. It was not good. My parents noticed and took legal guardianship of Lea. I was there at the hearing of course and explained the situation. The judge said that she could see that I was a smart responsible person for being able to understand what I was accidentally doing to my daughter and making sure effects on her were minimal. Yay, Im aware of my effect on the one I love the most. Didnt make me feel better. I actually just got a lot worse for a while.
Up side, shes on my parents insurance which is WAY better than mine so, yay.
I also see her every weekend or day off in general that I have. She always sees me at my best.
As far as I know unless its someone close to me that I have just told no one has actually picked up on the fact that I dont have Lea full time.
Im working on changing that obviously. Now that Im much better I just need the place and the means and I want her back with me. Thats the goal.

Work:
Oh sweet jesus on a pogo stick. I have had so many jobs in the past couple years its sickening. I have either walked out of them or just gotten myself fired for not showing up. Mentally, I just couldnt take them for one reason or another. Constant negativity everywhere, stupidity (and I can take stupidity but this wasnt funny stupidity... this was... go jump off a bridge stupidity.) I just couldnt hack em at the time.
Lucky for me my friend who was kind enough to take me in also happened to know a place that was hiring (its actually always hiring).
Its a non profit company that does assembly, packing, and shipping type work. They hire disabled people (they call participants) and people who have a hard time getting a job for whatever reason (they call them support, I call them line workers). I had never worked in that type of setting and beggars cant be choosers so I took a job as the Quality person.
No one works under me and right in the building no one is really over me. My job description is to go around making sure that product is being assembled/packaged/shipped to customer specifications, do audits, and generally make sure everyone is following the rules.
What I actually do is all that plus I sit down and help on jobs....because I get bored very easily so if I run out of things to check on and paperwork to do Im just going to keep myself busy assembling or packing crap.

Funny thing is... I actually LOVE this job. I can keep myself busy all the time, even my boss who shows up once a week knows that I know what the fuck Im doing so besides saying "Did you look over the job card for *job starting next week*? Yeah. Good." Im just left alone to do my thing.
The participants love me and I think most of them are great (there are a couple that I just do a quick "Hey! *check 5 random pieces* Great job!" and run) but they are problem people such that if you spend too much time around them will either hit you and you dont know why or NEVER LET YOU LEAVE THEIR SIDE!
The participants are my happy place. It doesnt matter how crappy the day is or if 90% of the building is in a horrible mood, 10% are still sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. Wendy who constantly asks crazy things like "Can we have a squirrel here?" "Can I pull the fire alarm?" "What would happen if I didnt eat lunch? or just yells "LUNCH TIME!" for no reason constantly cracks me up. AJ likes to talk about watching womens wresting. One guy always wears old school Power Rangers EVERYTHING, never talks, but will randomly just walk up and hug me (Im not a touchy person but he has the mentality of a 6yr old so Im flattered that he considers me safe and I just deal with it like I would deal with a child) . I dont even know his name but I sent an email to Jason David Frank about the guy hoping he reads it and maybe sends a "Good job buddy!" letter to this guy because he doesnt work enough to get any of the little certificates the company has made up for participants. Im also, "Happy friends." with Dale, (he reminds me all the time) and witness to the ridiculously adorable relationship between Gary and Sandy (watch the other sister... that little romance is what I see every day. If you dont go "awww" you are a heartless twat).
With the support staff, or as I like to call them line workers, its a love hate relationship. Because they hire people who have questionable backgrounds we get everything from people who are trying to rebuild their lives, people who just need a part time job to supplement their other disability income, or lazy ass mother fuckers.
I gave myself a reputation pretty quickly with the support staff and the management. Im not above doing your job for you to prove its just that god damn easy (and I'll tell you, no one likes it when a 5'6 skinny white bitch goes "Hold my clipboard." and does a job faster and better) and if you work hard I'll help you with whatever you want. Cant find a box cutter? Here are 2 new ones. Dont want to take out the 2 boxes of catfood that exploded in the heat in the warehouse so its now covered in maggots and smells like something beyond death? I'll at least move it to the side and bat my eyelashes at the manager with the muscles until he takes it out. Whatever you want. If you are lazy though...Im your worst nightmare because I see and hear everything...and I give the most evil look ever which has made people jump right the fuck out of their skin to do whatever it was that I politely asked them to do in the first place.
Yep, I love it. Only thing I dont love is the pay and benefits. Its a non profit so both are shit.
Im working to trying to find something similar with better pay.

Dating:
Im going to leave this as an "Im trying."
Unless it pops into my head none of the past horrible dates will be mentioned. Lets just start fresh here.
I am trying to date. Its not going well. More to come...probably soon.

There, we are all caught up. From now on Im going to blog like normal.

Hold on to your butts.