Sleep, eat, poop, repeat

Ok, so I may have over estimated my ability to get things done while on maternity leave.
I had planned on starting some crafts and seeing if they would be profitable online, cooking again, working on some reorganizing of the house, and getting in as much of a workout as I could before things started to hurt.

Im not doing so well with that plan. I havent drawn anything, I havent created anything, I have done SOME cooking and cleaning but not a lot. After the first week of being home sleep deprivation snuck up on me and kicked my ass so I really needed to nap when Lea was sleeping. Now I've hit a point where I spend 2 days where I can be up all day doing things, then I need a day where I sleep whenever Lea sleeps. So far those 2 days of productivity have been spent on having visitors over or running errands.
I think it would be a lot worse if Maor had a normal job. Because he has a 24 hour on call job there are days where hes gone all day but there are also days like today where hes home almost all day so I can nag him to do some chores or hand over Lea and take a shower or a nap.
Working out is currently not an option. The weather has been nice so I have been taking Lea out for walks but I noticed that if I go too far I feel like its the day after I gave birth again. Its kind of a, my guts feel like they are about to fall out of my vagina, feeling. Its unpleasant.

So its almost been 3 weeks and Im starting to have a bit of anxiety about going back to work. Maor and I have agreed that I wont be going back to my retail job, it doesnt make sense to. We would actually lose money if Maor stayed home to take care of Lea while I worked on days where we cant take her to daycare. There is a very real possibility that I will be taking a job with another company right away.
On the one hand: Yay, a job that had normal hours so Lea can go to daycare.
On the other hand: NOoooooooooooooo....... my baby! Strangers no touchy!!!!!!!! SHE WILL NEVER BE OK WITHOUT ME!!!

Thats probably not true but it keeps me awake at night thinking about dropping her off at daycare. I wish I could find a way to work from home...or win the lottery... or sell a painting for a couple thousand dollars so I can at least stay home for another 3 months. I dont like the idea of handing her over to someone else so soon. Time needs to slow down.

Thank you!!

Thank you for the well wishes and happy birthdays to my Lea.

We are still getting adjusted to being parents but we are doing well. We havent gone crazy from lack of sleep yet. I am going a little crazy from not leaving the house in a week. Its too cold lately to take her out for a walk (and its been raining every other day) and Im sure as hell not taking her into public places. I got nervous enough taking her to her doctors appointment where all those germy snotty children were sneezing all over the damn place.

I do have to take her back to the doctor next week. She didnt gain any weight back after leaving the hospital (but she didnt lose any either) so they want to see her again. I dont understand why because all the parenting books I read say that most babies lose a little weight in the first couple of weeks then gain it back. I think they just really like seeing me.

Lea also got a very nice present in the mail yesterday! A turtle night light and a sheep that sings. I put the sheep in her pack-n-play that we set up in the living room (its way easier to set her down there then keep walking back and forth to her bedroom during the day). When she wakes up she likes to look at it. Im not sure if shes thinking "what the hell is that?" or "I have gas" or she could be trying to send distress signals to it because these two crazy giants stole her from the warm place and keep dressing her up in cute outfits.
Anyway, Im sure she says "Thank you for my new friend!"

Baby Lea

She finally came out.

Monday we went to the hospital in the afternoon because I once again thought my water had broken. It hadent but I was also starting to have real contractions. They werent too painful and 10 minutes apart so I was sent home.

They got worse. The pain was horrible but I refused to even try to go to the hospital again until they were 2 minutes apart. 

At 2am on Tuesday I woke up Maor and told him we needed to go to the hospital. 

We checked in and they got me hooked up to gadgets. I was only dilated to 1 when I got there (1 out of 10). A nurse gave me some drug that begins with an n to try and take the edge off the contractions so I could get a little sleep while they waited for me to dilate more.

At 7am the nurses switched and the new nurse that came in was less "what do you want to do?" and more "Im telling you what to do". She checked me and I was only dilated up to 3. After she checked me she started playing with my IV. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was upping my liquid so they could give me an epidural. I didnt ask for the damn epidural yet and didnt want to be stuck in the bed for the whole damn day when I was dilating so damn slowly so I told her to hold off and let me go walk around and at least wait for my mother to get to the hospital. 

At 1pm my mother was there and the militant nurse had decided that I was getting patocin because I was taking too damn long. Patocin forces contractions and while I did want the baby out I had heard horrible stories about how Patocin makes you fell like your dying. I told the nurse I wanted to go for another walk because as soon as they did the patocin I wanted that damn epidural in case the rumors were true.

......the rumors were really fucking true for me. A half hour after they pumped me full of patocin my contractions were so bad I was sobbing and shaking in pain. It was hands down, the worst fucking pain I have ever felt in my entire god damn life. It was so bad that when a contraction stopped I looked at Maor and his eyes were red (he doesnt cry, that is the closest I have ever seen him to crying). They were so bad that I didnt even feel the god damn epidural go in.
After that I shot up to 10 within a few hours.
I couldnt feel anything while pushing except pressure. Maor watched the whole thing. Im personally glad that I didnt see or feel shit until after they pulled her out and put her on my stomach.
I had to be sewn back together by the doctor. The healing process is a bitch. I feel like someone kicked the shit out of me.
We were only in the hospital for 2 days. Thank god cause the staff didnt communicate well so getting anything was a huge pain in the ass.

This is my Lea all cleaned up. I must say she is the cutest damn thing on the planet. 

Find me a trampoline!!

While I was at work Saturday I started having contractions that were 5 to 10 minutes apart. They werent painful, just really annoying. It feels like someone starts hugging me too damn hard and I cant breath.
I sucked it up until around 4pm when it just got too damn annoying to work anymore so I clocked out a couple hours early and went home.
Around 6 I started getting really light headed so we called the hospital and went in.
I thought the light headed thing was because I felt like I couldnt breath every 5 minutes but it turned out that my blood pressure was through the roof.
The nurse at the hospital told me to consider the annoying contractions my normal but they were really worried about my blood pressure so they wrote me a note saying "dont work!" and gave me a big orange bucket to collect my urine in for 24 hours so they could test for protein.

Monday I went in to the doctor and gave them my big nasty jug of urine. They checked my blood pressure again and I was back to normal. My doctor told me that while I dont have to be on bed rest anymore if it didnt effect my maternity leave I should just stay home.

So I called my boss and told her I am officially on LOA.

And now I have nothing to do but sit around and wait. I am not good at waiting.
I dont know what to do with myself.

Im going to go drive my car over speed bumps at 45mph...see if that doesnt get her the fuck out.

In case of baby

Today I wrote the schedule for the next 3 weeks. All schedules had backup schedules which assume that I've gone into the hospital.

Do you have any idea how freaky that is? Its one thing to think, "Ive got a few weeks left." Its another thing to start preparing to go to the hospital at any moment so that your employees dont freak the fuck out. 
Ive let everyone know to keep an open mind to both schedules because I could be calling them at 2am screaming "GO TO SCHEDULE B!" (That is the way I described it to them...because who knows if Im going to be calm enough to simply explain that Im about to shit a screaming watermellon and will not be able to open the next day. I like to make sure they are prepared.)

I have to go to the doctor once a week now. Yesterday they did a group b test. Next week I get yet another ultra sound....I think they are using me to meet some sort of quota at this point. 
I found out that I have developed sleep apnea. Maor was with me for this doctors appointment and asked if it was normal for me to be making "herrp" sounds in my sleep. I wish he would have mentioned it sooner. They cant do anything about it except hope it will go away on its own but it explains why I feel so damn tired all the time. 

Fun non baby related fact: 
Maor and I have been thinking about saving up to open a restaurant and call it "Holy Crape 

I didnt ask for a creeper with my coffee.

There is a Starbucks down the road from me. In the year I have lived in the area I have gotten my coffee and sat down to read there maybe 4 times.

So today I got my coffee, sat down in a chair in the corner, and read a bit (Im currently reading the first Game of Thrones book... Im 200 pages away from being done and I REFUSE to watch the series until I finish it). 
Halfway through my coffee I hear someone talking in my general direction. I didnt bother looking up because I assumed the person wasnt actually talking to me. The guy talking bent down right in my fucking face and said, "That must be your favorite spot! I see you there all the time."
I looked up at him and gave him a look like, "What the fuck do you want from me?" hoping that maybe if I didnt say anything he would just go away. He didnt. He kept staring at me and telling me about how he goes there all the time and never notices anyone else but me so this must be my favorite spot.

I finally gave in and said, "Its a place to sit." Then scotched myself down into the chair and went back to my Nook. 

I think he tried to keep up the conversation but I ignored him. He really creeped me out. Its one thing to strike up casual conversation... its another to get in a persons face tell them your the only one they notice. 

It sucks because I enjoy occasionally sitting in a coffee shop and chilling out and the area I live in is seriously lacking in comfy coffee shops but I dont think I'll be going back there for a good long time now. 

Anger and pain

Somewhere around October I had decided that between me and Maor, one of us has to get a normal 9 to 5 job or this baby thing is not going to work. I will be the one getting the 9 to 5 because Maor makes a lot more money for the most part. I put off putting my resume out there again because my job has a lot of openings lately and I didnt want them to find me and figure out that Im not planning on coming back after my maternity leave.
Sunday I put up my resume.
Monday I had a conversation with my boss (actually it was a screaming match where she crossed the line and used me as a verbal punching bag and I didnt stand for it) which made me very happy that Im one step ahead of them. Basically our area hasnt been doing well lately. I didnt make my month last month but I sure as hell wasnt the worst. My boss apparently thought it would be really motivating to insult me, threaten to write me up, then take it all back while still being a huge bitch. Now I am damn determined not to come back. It could be my hormones but Im still down right pissed off 5 days later.

So I've been applying to a lot of places and trying to think of realistic at home money making ideas to maybe keep myself out of an office and save us a shit ton of money on daycare. The at home ideas I've been throwing around are making Maor super excited....but thats because hes taking everything Im thinking of and blowing it up into something huge and technical that we need to invest in and open a store for.

Now that Im mentally checked out from work Im totally hoping the baby is early. I've been having a lot of fake contractions lately which isnt horribly painful but its not exactly comfortable. Every time one hits Im hoping we are getting the show on the road! I really shouldnt be thinking that way for at least another 2 weeks but honestly... you can only kick a person so much before they want to evict your ass.