I havent been talking a lot lately. I just feel like if you dont anything nice/good to say dont say anything at all.
ONLY because I am a person who likes to keep up appearances. I am a god damn Princess Kate. My skirt flew up but YOU DIDNT FUCKING SEE A THING *charming smile*
I dont want to rock the boat unless I know its really a titanic with no fucking life boats. I know its the titanic when I need to call my mother. I can hear the violins while I dial her number...or just push the favorites button on my Iphone.
I called my mother tonight.
I told her Maor and I are getting a divorce.
Im grateful that she sounded understanding. She offered to come up for the weekend. I said that would be weird. Im sure if we were in Israel Maors mom would be in in our house before you could say "Oi" which makes me very glad we arent in Israel. When I made the joke to mom she asked where Leas passport was. Its hidden already and has been for 2 months. Thats how deep in we are.
I want to say its a mutual thing. I WANT to say that because while we have been fighting a down hill battle for months I want to think one of us will pop up and find the power to fight on.. Its probably not going to happen. I know my faults. I know what I want. I have made both clear for years. I have made clear what I want out of a partner and its not something Maor is willing to give. (We are not talking caming. Caming has nothing to do with any arguments)
In the same aspect, Maor may or may not know his faults, I cant say if he knows what he wants, but what it is doesnt seem to be me.
Its sad. I want to be angry but Im just sad. We have a child together and cant make things work. I would like to think we dont NOT like each other. Its just a case of us not actually fitting as a couple. We just dont work. I can say with certainty that I tried.
Sometimes people just dont work together.
I'm deeply saddened by this, but it's important that you do what is right for you and for Lea. I have followed you online for more years than I realized, and I've seen you go through some horrible shit. From what you're saying here, this is nowhere in that same class. But being unhappy, being in a situation that is not working out, and having done your damnedest to make it right, it's clear that you have to do what will work for you and Lea. Best wishes from here. If you'd like to get in touch, you can track me down through my blog.
ReplyDeleteThe one good thing that I THINK I see is that you are not devastated or blindsided. Not working out and hating your former spouse's guts are VERY different. I know there are people who post here regularly that you probably don't get much out of, but if you get anything at all from me it will at the very least be moral support. He's losing a good girl and his daughter. I'd make an effort, but I have no clue what the Jewish faith teaches regarding how men treat women, etc. and wonder if that has anything at all to do with his reluctance/refusal to change for you and Lea. Sucks for him. Good luck to you........... patagonianshoerat@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteI think your heart is good. You AND Maor deeply love Lea, and I know what ever happens she will be loved. Lea is a bright spot. Maor has two amazing ladies in his life...you and Lea...He is lucky. You are amazing ... keep on !!!! Keep on !!!! Talk Hard !
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