Snapped: Office Edition

I would like to think in the work place Im a very level headed person. Im very good at counting to ten and ignoring the trivial things.

However, when Im not feeling the best and moments from "that time" of the month it is NOT a good time to test my work place patience.

The annoying coworker has been making snide remarks in full force since I got back from Israel (I assume because things got a little heated between her and the coworker that has been around forever). She makes snippy comments while shes walking away from you and when she knows she may have done something wrong announces "Oh my god Im going to get in trouble!!" in a croaky whinny voice that says "I may be trying to make a joke or I may be an asshole" and then you have to force out of her what she may or may not have screwed up. Its incredibly annoying...especially when you have to deal with this all day EVERY day.

This morning I woke up and didnt feel quite right. I brushed it off as a cold Monday I didnt want to face and headed to work. As the day went on the sickness hit and I became lethargic, my throat got sore, and my face felt like someone was pushing against it.
The coworker who has been around forever was getting on my nerves because she was nit picking about things that didnt even need looking in to... like she does...nothing new and occasionally it comes in handy but more often than not its an eye rolling situation. I got a little snippy with her but told her I wasnt feeling good so I assume she didnt notice at all.
The annoying coworker though... she worked at my nerves all day with her dramatic sighing like everything was so hard (the job is NOT hard, thats why I picked it) and comments and acting like she was so damn busy.
I started my bitchy payback when I was feeling a little icky, but was also very bored, by walking up to her desk and asking the air if a month end task she was supposed to do had been done. It wasnt so I snatched it off her desk and did it myself. I also filed her paperwork which until then I had refused to touch out of principle because she refused to help anyone else.
She countered when the regional manager asked for a certain techs paperwork and we told him it was already filed. He said that was impressive. She pipped in "Well its month end! Im on top of things!"
I thought, "Your welcome bitch" but said nothing.

The afternoon went like a bit of a tennis match between the experienced employee and her while we went through the month end paperwork. Like a little ping pong match except replace the "ping" and "pong" with a blunt question and an annoying whining answer that blames anyone that isnt in the room.

The experienced admin gets to leave at 3:30 (because she starts an hour earlier than me and only takes a half hour lunch)
Before she left she gave the annoying one the final strict instructions of "DONT MESS WITH ACCOUNTS DURING MONTH END!" which if she had been paying attention in the last 3 months before hand meant "Dont mess with prices and dont run credit cards."

About a half hour later I listened to the annoying one put in a sale over the phone. I got up to pull reports off the printer and she announced "OH MY GOD!! NOW IM GOING TO GET IN TRRUUUBBLLEEE"
I lost it right then and there, slammed my hand on the counter, whipped and and said, "Is that REALLY necessary??"
She crumpled in her chair and said, "I dont know what you mean?"
I croaked "The constant comments! What EXACTLY do you think your going to get in trouble for?"
She whispered "Entering stuff in to the system"
I threw the reports I needed into the pile I need them to be in then half heatedly glanced at the thing that print out she created and said "If you were ever paying attention you would know your not in trouble. Your fine."
(FYI, if she entered the sale right then she would be fine. If she didnt than she isnt and its no skin off my nose at this point if she cant. Especially when she has a habbit of just DOING shit with out ever asking HOW to do it..which is another major pet peve. Honestly, if you dont know how to do something or arent sure, why the hell wouldnt you fess up and ask? I always do even if I really did know the answer and look like a complete idiot which Im almost certain I always do but who cares because I get my shit done right.)
I went back to my desk.
I took a few calls.
Annoying woman got up and because I was watching her, asked me where certain paperwork went which made me go "You've been here for how long?" and "OH SHIT!"
I made a change that I shouldnt have. Its not a horrible mistake, just more work for someone else. So I outlined the mistake I made for someone else on a post it note on their desk while mumbling to myself  "Crap, crappity, crap, crap!!"
Annoying woman walked down the hall away from me saying, "IS THAT COMPLETELY NECESSARY!" In a tone that indicated she was talking to herself but wanted you to hear.

I looked up and saw red. I screamed down the hall "Seriously? Would you like to say that to my face?!"
She walked back and said, "Your not in trouble. "

At the time I didnt understand what she was trying to say so I went off. Now I know she was saying "You cant get in trouble here." Which make me even angrier.

I stayed seated while she walked back to me. I told her "I dont care if Im in trouble with YOU or anyone else for that matter. I do not like the comments you make. I honestly cant tell if your joking or trying to be sarcastic. I know I just made a mistake. I've done all I can to make it less of a shuffle to get through. What I dont like is your snide comments!"
She said "I thought I was being like you."
I looked her right in the eyes and said "Thats the dumbest excuse I have ever heard. If you want to be anyone, you should be yourself."
I wanted to add that she was acting like my 14 yr old brother 90% of the time. Shes a 50 yr old blob of grumpy play-dough. She wanted to be lots of things but she is set in ways that maybe she doesnt even know shes set in.
You cant push crumbling play dough in to the ice cream maker...even if it tried to be soft on the outside.

About 10 minutes later I fessed up to my boss and another manager what I did. I snapped. I walked in to the office and explained that I couldnt take it anymore. I explained the situation. I explained how much she annoyed me. I explained that due to my not feeling well everything was at a time 10 level.
They understood.

I have a problem. Normally now I would say "Its her or me" because she is just THAT annoying. Only problem is I love my job. Its easy. They understand when I need to leave for Lea emergencies, and I really wouldnt want to let them say "bye bye" and leave the experienced employee hanging. I love the experienced employee. She is a lot like me. Shes been through more horrible things than I could experience...seriously her life is like god damn greek tragedy. We have the same birthday. Someday Im going to remember the day her son died and Im going to find an appropriate "Im really sorrry but nothing can replace him." gift.
I have NEVER had a work place where I have wiggled my butt down so firmly and said "Nope, not going anywhere."

Im not going! The annoying woman can move the fuck on.