Stop telling me things!

It has been a disgusting week so far at work.
Thank god I am in the safety of an office answering the phones and taking care of the paperwork so Im usually FAR FAR from the grossness. Sometimes they have to bring the gross in to kill it or identify it but mostly its far away.

Last week (which doesnt count as this week but people have been talking about it a lot this week) a tech needed to go in for a yearly test. He had cancer a few years ago and is now cancer free but he needs to do a test every year to check to make sure it doesnt come back. So he took a day and a half off for this test. A manager asked him to do an inspection at the managers god fathers house as a favor before his day ended. The tech took the job...and also took the laxative the hospital gave him at the same time. I got the angry call from the god father. It went something like this:
"Well young lady, I have no way to smooth this over for your ears so Im just going to tell you the story. Your tech crapped on our floor."
It was horrible. Everyone felt bad. And in their effort to make it seem like not a big deal all the military people in the office decided to share their crapping pants stories. Just stop... please... stop talking.

We also had some managers remove a bunch of bat shit from an attic in 90 degree weather. They smelt HORRIBLE! I had one of them walk up to my desk to ask a question and I literally launched myself in my rolling chair to the other side of the room and said, "No its cool, what did you need? No no...stay there."

Then I get in today and the first thing I hear is "Guess what happened at a start I did yesterday!"
I sat down and said, "Aww fuck I havent even clocked in yet!!"
"I was at this start and there were ticks EVERYWHERE. I just kept dusting the damn things off me the whole time. So Im getting the lady to sign the paperwork before I leave and she reaches out, grabs a tick off my shirt and EATS IT!"

Oh yeah, another tech walked in today holding a sealed Tupperware with grapes covered in baby black widow spiders. We dont have black widows in this area. One came in on the grapes a customer bought. The tech took the grapes to bring back to the office and found out it had babies the next day.
I will never buy grapes again.