Waiting..

I love my job but after working a week alone with the twit of the office I started to say "Thank god Im going on vacation."

I cant stand that woman. 3 months in to the job and she still acts like its week 3. I actually got to the point around 4pm on Friday where I told myself if I heard her sigh one more time like our job was the hardest job on the planet I would throw whatever was in my hand at the time at her head because 1) We are in our dead period.....there is NOTHING to do. 2) Even in the summer I cant believe how much they are paying me to do what I do because its so god damn easy but I come from a retail background where you are expected to shit diamonds and get paid in the peanuts that clustered around that shit.

Luckily the phone didnt ring again and I was too involved in my Hay Day game to throw my phone at her while she sighed over a mundane task she cant complete in the time that a competent person can. 

5pm rolled around an Im officially on vacation! Oh god! I have to clean the house, I have to do the laundry, I have to pack, I have my Grandma AND Aunt staying with us till we leave so I need to be entertaining and attend family parties I would otherwise ignore.... yay vacation!

Im trying to be calm. Im self medicating with booze. Always after Lea goes to bed of course...until then Im a silent ball of stress. 

I dont want to pack while my Grandma is around because she will have her opinions on what I pack and how to pack it and I also dont want Lea around because she will think its a game and unpack whatever I packed.

All I was really stressing about Friday before I came home was packing... and I had a plan...

then I got home.

My Grandma had cooked EVERYTHING in my house so we can eat it before it goes bad...even though half of what she cooked is canned and/or wont go bad till a few weeks after we come home so now shes nagging us to eat constantly so things wont go to waste. A lot of food is going to go to waste. Which is why when she handed me $40 for spending money I took it and thought "we are about even" while my aunt yelled in the background "how come when I offered you money for Israel you wouldnt take it!?"

My aunt and I wanted to go to Wolf of Wall St but we couldnt go till after Lea went to bed because this is my aunts last weekend with Lea and if she misses a second of it she will be devastated. Its a 3 hour movie. It was a good movie... ridiculously obscene. It would have been a great movie if they did some editing because 3 hours was too much. So we got home way past my bed time and ended up waking up my Grandma who then decided that midnight was a great time to start cleaning my house. So I stayed up with her for a bit because I felt rude going to bed while she was doing my dishes and scrubbing my baseboards while telling stories about when she was my age. 

Today did laundry and entertained. A cousin called and said they were dropping by to say "hi" and drop off a present for Lea. She gave Lea a beautiful jewelry/music box that plays Hatikvah. Maor and I were both floored. Its beautiful! My cousin kept passing it off like it was something she just had and didnt know who to give it to which I know is bull because my Catholic pork eating family wouldnt just pick up a jewelry box with a gold David star on it that plays the Israeli national anthem unless there was a reason. We love it! The more we said we loved it the more she acted like it was nothing. Thats my family.

Later we went to a late family Christmas party. It was fun. We left early because Lea was overly moody. She knows something is up and has been off for the last couple of days. 

Tomorrow my aunt has agreed to take Lea and Gramzy out of the house for a few hours so we can pack without being bothered. 

Monday I will surely be crawling out of my skin waiting to get on the plane.

Did I mention we got a package? I didnt.

We did.

The timing is horrible. A fetish of mine arrives at my door and I cant do anything about it because I have a house full of family till we leave.

If we have time after packing tomorrow I might post pictures of it.

The last minute Christmas

Im sure I have mentioned that Lea has become obsessed with Elmo. Last weekend my aunt and I went in search of a plain Jane stuffed Elmo. No talking, no hugging, no giggling, no stupid hard box in the middle of it... just a soft stuffed Elmo. Surprisingly stupidly hard to find!
Somewhere around the 3rd store we went to we started to side track to thinking about when my little sister is going to move out of the house and how shes going to need Christmas things for her dorm and/or shitty apartment and we found a little bright purple shiny fake tree with built in lights for $15 and bought it because we want to make sure she has a tree 2 years from now. Then we side tracked to the discount movie bin and found a few old good ones that we thought we might as well wrap up because Lea loves ripping wrapping paper.
Then I MAY have grabbed a new Princess to go with her Klip Klop castle....
And we may have decided to hide everything in the trunk of my aunts car as a surprise for Lea and Maor.

I did find a plain Jane Elmo at the 5th store. It was the last one on the shelf and I screamed like a mad woman when I found it which made the couple filling out a baby registry look at me funny till I looked them both dead in the eyes and said, "This is what you will become!" before running away screaming Marco-Polo for my aunt.

The Elmo we opened when we got home and hid in the living room then took bets on how long it would take for Lea to find it. 10 minutes. Shes the happiest baby ever.

Madonna came back up Tue night to spend Christmas with us. We snuck in the purple tree and the presents while Maor was doing tubby time with Lea. I got Maor to go to bed early but warned him that there was going to be a surprise in the morning because he tends to get a bit cranky if you wake him up early.

So Christmas morning we woke up to Lea playing in her crib and listened for my Aunt to go and get her. Then we listened for her to tell Lea to go get us. Nothing. It was excruciating listening as her little feet went by our room and waiting for her to start yelling with excitement. Nothing.
All we heard was "Apple!" and some shuffling. I started to think my aunt fell asleep and forgot to set everything up when Lea pushed open our door and said, "Mama! Aba! Mama! Aba! Ets go!"
My aunt didnt have to tell her to come get us. Lea walked in to the living room, saw the little tree, made my aunt cut up a pear that was sitting by the tree then went to go get us by herself.

So we had ourselves a tiny Christmas. Maor did enjoy it. I think we will do it again next year. Just as long as we keep it small.

Blood is a liquid.

I do not like to talk about my real dad. Its a conversation I avoid like the plague.

I refer to my step dad as my dad and only acknowledge the fact that he isnt my real dad when people get to know me well enough that they notice my last name doesnt match anyone in my family. I was never officially adopted by my step dad and I didnt take Maors last name because for a few years we hid our marriage. Its just turned in to one of those things that you keep forgetting to get around to until someone says "but wait.." and you go "Oh yeah... I really need to get that paperwork in."

There are 2 people in my family that constantly bring up my dad. My grandma, who acts like my dad was Jesus reborn and my mom couldnt keep the marriage together, and my aunt who thinks blood means something.

For all of my life I have entertained their conversations about my dad to let them live in their fantasies of who he was. I dont spend a lot of time with my grandma and cherish her wisdom and memories....even if I dont agree with them...and this is the first time I have spent more than 2 weeks at a time with my aunt. So the once a year "have you talked to your dad? You know you should send him a card or something..." has turned in to a monthly conversation where I am slowly trying to work in my distaste for my dad in hopes that they will pick up on it.

Earlier today my dad was worked into the conversation again and my aunt and I snapped on each other. 

We were talking about what we need in Israel to get Leas Israeli citizenship while we are there when my aunt chimed in like she knew it all that Lea couldnt get citizenship in another country until she was 18 and could do it on her own cause thats how my half sister through my dad did it.

I said, "Who told you that she had to wait till she was 18? All she had to do was walk in to an office with my dad and sign some paperwork."

She said, "Well he would have done that if thats how it worked."

I said, "No he wouldnt! Remember when I went to Florida with my sister for 2 weeks with Dotty and the whole purpose of it was so we could both see our dad? She flew all the way in from Germany for 2 weeks just to see her dad for the first time in YEARS never mind me and he DIDNT SHOW UP ONCE! If he cant come to dinner hes not going to show up at a court house."

Maor jumped in and I cant remember what he said to try and calm the conversation but my aunt snapped "No! Her dad is mentally ill and she forgets that it is an illness!!"

I had to walk away. 

I dont forget my dad is mentally ill. I have been reminded of it a lot through life. He reminded me on the days when he actually picked me up on his visitation days. His chaperon reminded me when he was acting off. His mother reminded me when she tried to make up for his absence but honestly she wasnt too stable herself.  I saw a lot of psychologists through life because my mother was so worried that I was going to inherit his madness. They reminded me constantly by asking question after question about things that I just wanted to forget. When I became old enough to figure out what they wanted to hear, a sad case of a child who inherited their tortured fathers disease because that would make a fantastic book entry or magazine article I gave them what they wanted and started to rip apart the new family my mom gave me.

Yes, my real father is bipolar and possibly other things. Does that make the way he treated me and ignored me ok? No. It never will. It will never excuse the times I saw him doing coke. It will never excuse the times he didnt show up for visitation. It wont excuse his not paying child support so my mom had to struggle. It wont excuse never EVER trying to talk to me even though I sent countless cards until I finally figured out I didnt fit in his world.

My sister may be the better person. She does try to talk to him. She calls him every few weeks and wants him to know his Grandkids. She believes blood is blood. She believes he really loved her mom and my mom got in the way. Im ok with that. She grew up with her mom in Germany and didnt have to sit through one of his episodes. She didnt puke after a visitation with him from anxiety. She didnt go on national news as the sad child of a mother speaking up for harsher child support laws.

I dont know how to explain to someone that blood is a liquid. Emotions are my solid. My sister is my sister because we can go YEARS without talking then pick back up without missing a beat. My husband is Leas father because hes there for her, he kisses her boo boos, he sings songs, he plays princess pony's, he is aba (daddy in hebrew). Even if he wasnt really her father he would be her father. My step dad is my dad because he has been there for me when I was a good kid, when I was a shitty teenager, when I was an idiot new adult, and hes a fantastic Grandpa. 

I want my step dad to be my dad.

I dont ever want Lea knowing another grandpa exists, especially after my sister told me that she wont tell him shes Muslim because hes a white supremacist (funny thing, as soon as said that a few nazi comments I remember dad saying suddenly made sense) and he may have committed murder. Hes just not a great role model.

So I paced the house today fed up with talking about him thinking of how to end the conversations so he can just be dead to me. 

Maor made a stupidly simple suggestion to just tell people from now on "[Name] is my dad. I dont have another one." End of story.

I need to stop arguing and end the conversations all together. I only have one dad.

The sweet smell of success

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Standing by..

Well I feel kind of boring not having anything to update about but... there isnt much to update about.

At work Im still dealing with a complete muppet of a new hire. Well, shes been around for 3 months but acts like shes been there for 2 weeks. The woman drives me to drink heavily. I worked a Saturday a few weeks ago to replace some hours I dont have vacation time for this month and one tech asked me "Is she going to get any better?" I said, "Nope, probably not."

Home life is Lea and Maor. Lea has become obsessed with Elmo.
Maor is about to jump out of his skin hes so excited to go home.

We are STILL trying to find a place to ourselves in Israel. Its hard to book things there because their 4 star hotels are not the same as our 4 start hotels. Their 4 is our 3 or 2.
"The staff didnt tell me to fuck off when I complained that my room wasnt ready 2 hours after I was supposed to check in. 4 stars!"

No plans...just waiting..

and re-watching Doctor Who.

Happy late Thanksgiving/Hanukkah!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!

We had a busy long weekend. We drove down to my parents house on Wed and I stayed up half the night making deserts that I promised to make. Pumpkin pie and red stuff (red stuff is cherry jello with fruit and sour cream...sounds disgusting but its fantastic and goes great with turkey).
Thursday we did our family Thanksgiving/Hanukkah. My parents made the dinner all kosher even though I told them not to because we only stay away from pork. Everything turned out great!
Friday I hung out with a few friends I havent seen in forever.
Saturday I hung out with Jasmine from Camwhores! No shows or anything. We were just chilling and posting a few pictures. We took home some ideas for bedroom activities *wink wink*

Sunday we drove home...to a mini party at our house. My aunt decided to commandeer my house and use it as a meeting place for a few relatives. Thats fine... I dont know these people and was looking forward to putting Lea to bed and going to bed myself but ok...we had one more bottle of wine left so I could smile through it and drink through it. Then we found out my Grandma got bored while we were gone and started going through our bedroom. Not ok. I dont care if she wants to clean and reorganize my house but stay the hell out of our bedroom.
So I poured myself a VERY large glass of wine, said hi to the strange people in my house, and listened to my Grandma explain what she did to organize my closet.  As shes pulling out corsets, nighties, costumes, and toys and telling me why I should keep them organized the way she put them I noticed that she didnt once ask what the hell any of them were for or even look shocked at the fact that they were in there. Which makes me wonder...
Did she always expect me to be a little bit of a freak?
How many times has she been through my ex stripper cousins closet?
How much of a freak was she back in the day?

Things that make you go hmmm.

I did end up getting a little rude to get everyone out of my house which I feel a little bad about. My aunt asked me what I was doing for Christmas eve in front of everyone and I told her I didnt want to do anything. She said, "Good! We host a game night!" and made eye contact with all the relatives. I said, "Umm...no, Im looking forward to a quiet night of doing NOTHING."
I think I ruffled her feathers because I havent heard from her since Sunday night which is abnormal but seriously.... your making plans at MY house without asking me before hand. I'll call her tomorrow.

Hanukkah has been fun so far. Lea has already learned part of the prayer song and sings it with us which makes Maor a very proud daddy. We have been giving her a new present every night. Its not something they do in Israel but we decided its what we will do to hopefully play down Christmas.
So far she has gotten a new sippy cup, a toothbrush and cookies (cause you need a reason to use the toothbrush), PJ's, the Disney Princess KlipKlop castle, and a couple books. We also got her more crayons and a magna doodle for the plane ride to Israel that she hasnt opened yet.

Im so excited to go to Israel! Even though we are going to be bringing a baby half way across the world I feel very relaxed about this trip compared to 2 years ago. Ive met Maors family and friends already so Im not nervous about if they will like me or not. I saw all the big things I wanted to see already. We have a rental car...putting Lea on the train to get to Haifa was giving me an anxiety attack.
I just want to get there, drive to Kiryat Ata, stop for shawarma, hit up the cafe next door for an espresso, and shoot across the street to look at shoes (3 shekels is 1 dollar!). After that I can face an endless stream of family trying to pinch my babies cheek.
The only other definite in the trip so far is Hamat Gader. The hot springs! Smells like a rotten eggs but feels FANTASTIC. The trip is for the whole family but Maor and I are searching for a little get away for just the two of us and Im thinking a night where we stay behind and enjoy the spa treatment a little longer would be a good idea.
If that doesnt work hes got an uncle who drives a tour bus who has already told me to see him for romantic ideas.

Holiday Greetings!!

Its the Holidays! 

Im getting things ready to send out my holiday cards...cause were all Jewish here now and Thanksgivukkah
 is sneaking up on us.. and I thought, I have left overs, where can I send these?

So if you want a Thanksgivukkah card from our family please email me your address or PO Box.

Immora01@gmail.com

If you want a Thanksgivukkah card from just me (adult in nature but not bad enough that I cant print the photo to put in the cards at CVS) then please email me your address and make a donation of at least $2 or more to that donate button up in there to your right.

*All donations go towards pictures/postage/fun times in Israel*

I would LOVE to send some over seas so if your not in the US dont think I wouldnt want to send you something.

Time to move

This morning I was sitting at work chit chatting with my coworkers about a duplex we found when Maor called.

He said cool as a cucumber, "Hunny, the neighbor is here. Hes crying. He said someone kidnapped his mother-in-law and is demanding 4 thousand dollars or they are going to kill her. I dont know what do to."

I should have noticed his tone of voice but I flipped out and yelled, "What do you mean you dont know what to do? Tell him to call the police!"

Maor said, "He says they are going to kill her if he calls the police. Ok. I'll deal with it."

And he hung up.

I tried to call him back. No answer.

I sat there for a couple minutes and tried again. No answer.

I looked at my coworker. She said I should go home to make sure everything was ok.

So I ran home. 

No one home. No Maor. No neighbors. No answer to my phone calls.

I waited 10 minutes before I got in my car and headed back to work. I left Maor one final voicemail "YOU BETTER CALL ME RIGHT NOW OR IM CALLING THE POLICE MYSELF!"

2 minutes later he called back. There was a lot of noise in the background. I screamed "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??!"

He was at the grocery store...which is where the nearest branch of our bank is. He went there with the neighbor who was supposedly on the phone with his mother in laws kidnappers and instead of writing his bank account number he wrote "Call the police."

The neighbor freaked out when the police got there and had to be tackled into a display of toilet paper.

They arrested him for extortion.

Maor didnt call me back because all this was going down and he had to talk to the police. 

I should have known he had it handled. Hes called me when hes stressed out before and hes usually 

yelling. The lack of yelling should have been a big hint. I missed that. 

We need to move.

To Israel!

We have been planning on going to Israel for almost two years. Family wants to see Lea.
There hasnt been a day that has gone by in the last year and a half where I havent heard the questions,
"When are you coming to Israel?"
"Dont you want to come to Israel?"
"Why arent you here yet!!??"

My mother in law can stop nagging!! We bought tickets!
We will be flying out Dec 30th and coming back Jan 13th. Which will use ALL of my vacation time for next year in one shot and means I will get to be a bitchy jet lagged bitch at work the day after we get home. My poor co-workers.
We will of course be staying with my in-laws in a small city just outside of Haifa.

The trip is going to be stressful but Im still excited because I LOVE Israel. I love the food, I love my husbands family, I love that while we will be there during the winter a 4 hour drive (with a stop at a petting zoo in the middle of the desert close to the fountain of youth) will get us to a tropical beach paradise where I can go snorkeling and have fancy drinks with tiny umbrellas in them.

This time I really would like to take a side trip to Petra. Its not in the budget but I know we are going to get kicked out at some point so Grandma and Grandpa can have Lea time and Im hoping we can do some border hopping when that happens.

So over the next month, month and a half I might be pushing some videos or pictures.

Also, bonus... the more money I save up for side stuff the more likely we will have special Israel shows! (Cause its easier to do a show in a hotel room than in my husbands childhood bedroom. Its a small apartment and family doesnt knock there.)

Happy Birthday to me!

Im 29.
Honestly, this is the first time Im turning 29.

My birthday was actually on Friday. It also happens to be the other admins birthday. (The one that has been around forever, not the new idiot)
Let me just say that working with someone who has the same birthday as you is AWESOME! Its the perfect excuse to make the whole day a party. The boss bought us pizza, I brought in cupcakes (because they arent for me, they are for my coworker who is going to share), the techs sang happy birthday, someone who quit a few months ago sent us flowers. It was great!

We went down to my parents house for the weekend so the Grandparents could see Lea and I could help my mom chaperone a teenage party. My sister who goes to a private school in a different town than she lives in decided to introduce her two sets of friends finally. It was a successful party. I made all 16 girls sing happy birthday to me before I would share my birthday cake (ok it was really their cake all along but my mom and I tossed my name on it while no one was looking and stuck candles in it. Mom started feeling guilty that she never let me have a big party so that was her way of making up for it)

Saturday afternoon Maor and I went and saw Enders game. Good movie. I have to read the book now though and this will probably be the first time I read the book after seeing the movie. (Thats a lie now that I think about it....I read Three Musketeers long after I saw the film)

We just got home. My aunt stayed at our house this weekend even though we werent here. She cleaned the house for us and got me brand new pots and pans for my birthday! Shes been complaining about how scratched up my frying pan is for months. When we were on our way out the door she asked if I would be insulted if she tossed it out. Maor told her not to but I said "Its my birthday! If she tosses out the old frying pan she can get me a new one and call it a present."
I didnt think she was going to get me a whole set.
She also had dinner made and ready to reheat so we wouldnt have to cook when we got home.
My aunt rocks!

It was quite the fantastic birthday weekend.

Art Class

This weekend was a me weekend. It was lovely.

I went to an art class. Pen and ink drawing with some water color....and I sucked at it. Its been forever since I have really drawn anything so I was stupidly rusty but when you think about it why would I waste money on a class where I already knew everything and was awesome?

After the class Maor and I went to Valley Fair for their fright night. It was cold but fun. We havent laughed that hard at each other in a long time. 

Sunday we carved pumpkins, made a cake, and I went to the second half of my class.

The pumpkins came out super cute.

This is my over complicated Labyrinth themed pumpkin.

My pumpkin, Maor & Leas pumpkin, and my aunts pumpkin.

I was much happier with my end results in todays class. I did the same picture for each technique we were practicing and I didnt hate a single one like I did yesterday. 

Just pen and ink

Watercolor then going back over with pen and ink

Pen and ink with water color over it.

Oh darn..gotta go!

How busy I am at work depends on the weather. This time last year I was still pulling my hair out I was so busy. This year though we went from warm and sunny to freezing and raining with no in between so I went from stupidly busy to nothing to do.

Friday I was finishing up with my daily reports and paperwork when I got a call from the daycare. Every time they call Im always like "Oh hey! Whats up!? Oh wait...this isnt a good thing."

I had checked Leas temp before I brought her to daycare because she was acting a little cruddy. I was sick last week so I was honestly expecting this. Her daycare though is super good about not freaking out for no reason so when they called and said she was at 100 but I HAD to pick her up I was a little concerned. They normally just give her baby Tylenol and see how it goes before they call.

So I sat there for a second on the phone trying to decide if I should ask them to give her medicine and wait it out, call Maor, or just leave.

I looked at my inbox... nothing to do. 

I looked at my coworkers... the other admin was having a freak out over the new admin fucking up something I didnt even know was possible. 

So I said I would be there ASAP. Ran in to my bosses office and told him I had to go. Oh darn! Sick baby.

The admin having the freak out reminded me that I was out of sick time so I yelled to use my vacation time before I ran out the door. Last time I checked I had 4 days left and the only other planned day off I have is the day after Thanksgiving so bill me...or I'll work a couple Saturdays and ask my aunt to babysit. 

Turns out the reason the daycare freaked out over Leas temp was because 5 kids already called in/left with croup so they are on high sick kid alert.

So Lea took it easy while I used my day off to clean the house. I want to rake the leaves SOOO badly but everything is so wet I could break the rake on the weight. 

My aunt came down for the weekend of course. We made an appearance as a family (even Maor) at the 50th anniversary party for an obscure relative. Everyone thought Maor was from France. Maor and Lea could only eat desert because EVERYTHING was pork. I dug in because I knew he wouldnt want to make a scene and yell at me for eating pork in front of strangers. The pulled pork was FANTASTIC!

Im so bad.

Usually on weekend mornings my aunt goes to grab Lea. Shes one of those 5am risers so she will putter around and do my dishes on weekend mornings then grab Lea as soon as she wakes up. I cant even sleep through the slightest peep from Lea so I know when she does this every time but Im not going to lie... Im totally taking advantage of it and go back to sleep for another hour as soon as Im sure Lea has been changed and is playing.

This morning after getting up once an hour to comfort my little sick baby. I heard my aunt grab her and change her but in stead of playing I heard horse crying. So I jumped out of bed and were in the urgent care as soon as it opened. 

She has the beginnings of a lot of things. They said it looked like either an ear infection or strep. They also said the cough could be croupish. So I went home loaded up with 2 prescriptions. I texted my boss and told him I wont be going in tomorrow. He said ok. 

We got Lea back on the couch with snacks and warm apple juice and gave her the first doses of  medicine. Then my aunt and I got to work making an all from scratch pumpkin pie with a pumpkin we bought last week and a batch of pumpkin cookies with a penuche frosting. They both came out great!!

Next weekend I have my painting classes! Im so excited! I need to buy some new water colors and pens because lots of my art stuff got lost in the multiple moves from the years. I also need to pick out a few pictures to bring to class to copy. I think tomorrow Im going to go through pictures and pick out a few I want. I may post them here for opinions if I cant narrow things down.

Post Secret

For YEARS I have been wanting to send a Post Secret but I just never got up the crafty motivation to do it. I felt like if I sent something in it would have to be everything I am in a post card because I dont half ass crafty!

So last night I was messing around on twitter and decided I'll just say my secret on twitter and only my 42 followers will know anything about this and I will feel better. The End!

So I wrote out my little tweet: "No one knows Ive been making amateur porn for 10 years. Some days I want to tell everyone just to see their reactions. @postsecret"
I really wanted to write, no one my offline life (family/work/most friends) knows but I couldnt fit that in the character limit. Some people do know what I do.... like my husband and friends that knew me back when I was in college and just flat out said "I can afford to live alone because Im a cam girl."
But its been a good 7 years since I have shared that information with anyone. Friends after I graduated dont know, no one I have worked with in the past 7 years knows. Sometimes conversations pop up where I just want to say "Guess what I do in my spare time!"

I dont think it should be something that Im ashamed of. I like it. I really do. I like the people I talk to. I like to show off. I wont lie, I love being spoiled.

But there is a stigma....
Maor would never tell his family about what we do. It adds an extra spice sex life which I know he loves but I think the reason hes ok with it is because the site we do our shows on isnt well known.
My family does have an ex stripper. She was very open about what she did. She even gave me a pep talk before I walked in to my first amateur night at a strip club in WI and made more money in one night than I ever did in a week of waitressing at the time. I didnt like it though. I didnt like the possibility that people could touch me... Im just not a touchy feely person with strangers.
When I was introduced to being a cam girl it was perfect.

Now Ive gotten to that point where you dont talk about these sorts of things because you have an image to uphold. Everyone has their past or their bedroom kinks but you just dont talk about it because what people think about you could effect...something...

So that was my secret.

Corn in my pants!!

Ive been pretty sick...again...

Just a really bad cold. I blame my nurse aunt for hanging around sicky people then coming to visit and sharing spoons and cups with me like we are family or some junk.

Even though I was sick we did use Sunday to take Lea to a corn maze.

We did the maze and they also had a petting zoo, a canary tent, and a corn pit. 

 Lea saying hi to the goats

 Daddy with a pony 

 Lea freaking loves goats

Daddy got Lea a bird

Lea does not want to be any closer to the bird.

We just started the corn maze so we are still optimistic

Kinda lost half way through.

Really freaking lost and getting hungry.

Cute little train set for kids.

Lea on the train.

Corn pit. I buried my feet then made them pop out. Other little kids thought it was the funniest thing and I was suddenly the most popular one there (this was right before I was discovered by other kids...)

After being buried in corn I stood up and discovered a problem...corn in my pants.

Daddy did not get corn in his pants.

...I like corn in my pants..

...and back to goats...

This isnt for you...

I have been very quiet at work this week. VERY quiet.

The new person has now been with us for a month and hasent gotten any better. Shes actually getting worse.

I passed by her while she was entering in a lead the other day and gently asked what she was doing because as far as I knew no one taught her how to do that and its very easy to turn a lead in to a sale which if its not a  real sale will mess with EVERYONES day. She said she was entering the lead because she was hoping she would get partial commission if it was sold. I dont know where she got the idea that that would happen but I had to break her heart and tell her there is no partial commission and even if she sold something herself admins get almost zero commission specifically because the company doesnt want to worry about admins stealing money from sales people and techs. 

When I mentioned it to a coworker she said "Oh yeah, I showed her how to do that really quick 2 weeks ago."

Really? The new woman can remember how to do something you quickly showed her 2 weeks ago but she cant remember where to find a customers tech without putting the customer on hold for 2 minutes and staring at the screen then timidly asking me who to call every time?

At first I was starting to lean towards her not being able to handle the job. After that I dont think she WANTS to get it.

I think she wants a job where someone is going to give her a series of tasks where she doesnt have to think or do much more than make redundant calls. She did great for that week where I made her do all my petty in between work that I find annoying but now that she actually has to think shes just crashing a burning.

I kept noticing in her notes on a customers account she would type in the customers name, account number, address, phone number in the notes....when that is already on the screen for everyone to see... so I finally asked why she did that. She said it was so she could copy and paste it in to emails to the techs. 

I told her "Do you realize that all the time you spent doing that you could have typed it in to the email instead? Not only that but in the morning when the managers go over all these they have to try and figure out where the actual concern is in this mess of redundant information?"

She gave me a look like I shot a puppy.

Not only that but her work is pilling up because she spends 20 minutes on a call that should take 5 minutes!

Not that Im perfect. Yesterday a sales guy asked if I could post his sales on a board because he wasnt going to make it in so I wrote them down on a post it, 250/600/500 and walked up to the board and stared at it for a minute trying to figure out what info went where because I had never even known this board existed for the year and a half Ive been in that office. The uber manager came out of his office and saw me staring at it like I was lost so I said, "How do you want this written out? Hes got 3 sales, 250, 600, and 500"

He said, "Just write the total."

I looked down at my post it and went "uhhhhhh...11... carry the.."

"Its 1350"

"I KNEW THAT!"

Annnnddd I feel better. For now... I would sneak a flask in to work and turn this whole thing in to a drinking game if  I wouldnt end up drunk but 8:30am...and thats kind of against company policy. Drinking on the job at all...not just getting drunk before noon.

I miss my home

I miss Madison.

Ive started making my Halloween costume. While collecting fabric and accessories I mentioned to people my plans to be a video game character only to be greeted with blank stares.

In Madison I took my little sister shopping. We stopped at a makeup counter in a department store so we could get her a new foundation. While a bored clerk decided to just give my sister a full make over for fun I was browsing the lipstick looking for a purple blue I need for my costume. I mentioned why I was looking for it to another woman and I instantly had 3 more women and the clerks interested in my costume and squeeing with me over the hoodie we made for Lea.

I wish we could move back.

Speaking of missing homes. Maor is home sick. We are planning on visiting Israel in January...and I made the stupid mistake of putting off Leas passport application and my passport renewal. I got our applications in last week. Just in time for them to sit on a desk.
Im really worried we wont get our passports in time or our paperwork will just get lost. We are both really looking forward to this trip.

This weekend was very relaxed for the first time in a while. It was rainy and cold so we didnt do much. I cleaned the house. We took down the AC units and put a bunch of summer stuff into storage. We tried to get Lea to finger paint... she didnt like it... so we brought out the crayons instead. We made chili and cookies. I worked on my costume.

Vote for my kid!

I dont mean to beg...but if you could vote for my kid for this "cutest kid" contest that would be fabulous.

I dont want the prizes...they are kinda lame. I want bragging rights.

TheCuteKid.com Photo Contest

About that...

Remember how I said the new woman at work was picking up on things quickly?
I spoke WAY too soon.
After my grieving coworker came back we found a mess of mistakes and have noticed that her jitters of answering phones and helping anyone may not be new job jitters... she just seems to be unable to do anything without your specifically telling her what to do. It doesnt matter if shes done it 10 times before. She will freeze up until you tell her to do it.
She also takes everything you say literally. The grieving coworker went to help a guy who came by with a shipment and just talking to myself out loud I said "I hope shes not lifting anything heavy" because I know she has bad wrists. New woman immediately went to the garage and said "She says you shouldnt be lifting things"
I turned around and yelled down the hallway "Oh, you really didnt need to go tell her that! Shes a big girl!"
She looked a little thrown off by that.

I just dont even know what to do with her. I hope its some weird adjustment faze but we are worried. I hate that I didnt catch her mistakes but honestly Ive been doing the work of 3 people while training... there was only so much I could do.

So besides work Ive been planning our Halloween costumes. By our I mean mine and Leas. Maor is a party pooper.
Im going to be Lulu from Final Fantasy X and Lea is going to be my moogle. We have Leas costume finished. Mine I havent started yet. I am going to attempt to make a full dress so I NEED a sewing machine. My grandma had given me a 1960's singer but I just cant make it work without jamming so I ordered a simple new Brother online and am selling the vintage machine on craigslist. Gramzy said I should throw it out but my aunt is convinced I can get a good $200 out of it if I find the right person. We shall see. If I can sell it for the price of the new machine I will be happy but Im not expecting much.

Here is Leas costume... these pictures are the unfinished version. We just wanted to see how it would hold up with her running around. I am going to hold off on posting finished pictures until both our costumes are done.

No time alone

I had a sexy weekend planned for Maor and I last weekend. We took a 3 day weekend (it was actually Yom Kippur so he automatically had the time off) and were going to drop Lea off at my parents house and spend the weekend alone in a resort. 

Plans fell through when my parents called up and said they were going to Chicago instead of baby sitting for us.

Siighh... 

Im glad the penalty for canceling our reservations was only $25. 

Instead of getting romantic we used our Friday off to buy a new car for me. My last car was undriveable. The shocks came off it and we figured out we have been spending so much on car repairs we might as well turn that into payments instead. So we bought a new used reliable car and got the extended warranty. Its a fabulous feeling being able to drive a car without be terrified that its going to burst in to flames at any moment.

This week has been busy. We have a new person at work and the other admins mother died. Surprisingly the other admin worked Monday and Tuesday (even though I told her multiple times that it would be ok for her to go home and grieve) but she was a bit of a wreck. She was messing up on simple things and creating more work for herself by insisting on being the one to fix them.

The new person is picking up quickly. I can at least use her to do the mundane things around the office so I can focus on the phone calls.

It hasnt been bad...but its lonely. The new person is very quiet which is the exact opposite of what Im use to.  We are hoping she opens up after a bit, I swear like a sailor and I cant tell if shes ok with that or if it makes her uncomfortable.

Playing Tourists

My aunt came over again for the weekend (and she will continue to keep coming over until her contract is over)
We played tourists. She had a list a mile long of all the things she wanted to do this weekend. We did most of them... shes around for another month so we had to leave some things undone.
Saturday we went to Fort Snelling. It was hotter than hell with no shade at the fort. We were sweating like crazy and all I could think of was how bad I felt for the people who were dressed in costume. We also accidentally stole 2 bottles of water. While we were getting the passes to get in I went over to the cooler next to the register and took out a couple bottles. I heard my aunt tell the lady we were also getting them and assumed that was the end of it, so we walked off. Turns out the lady said I had to pay for them at another register and I didnt hear over Lea getting excited over something so my aunt assumed I heard and took care of it. So after an educational movie before we went out to the fort we were stopped by a surly old woman who watched us like we were just about to shove nick nacks in the stroller left and right even after we paid for the waters.

Then we went to Fort Snelling cemetery so my aunt could say hi to someone shes related to but Im not...which actually makes me not related to a lot of people she is and thus makes my going to a lot of these family things shes been dragging me to pointless... but thats kind of a family secret and we really dont talk about that. Sometimes I do wonder if some of the older people Ive been meeting who can still remember why we arent actually related think its weird that Im there or if they just assume no one told me so I dont know. I dont say anything. I think my aunts in denial about it more than anyone.

                                   

Lea spent most of her time visiting the locals.

After that we went to Minnehaha park, took some pictures, waded in the river, and got some snow cones from the creepiest ice cream man ever.

Sunday was all spent at the MN Zoo. We got there as soon as they opened and stayed until close to closing. Im thinking about getting a membership next year. Lea had so much fun.

Monday we went to the science museum. We really only wanted to see the Mayan exhibit but Lea seemed quiet interested in running around so we let her go nuts.

Lea is exhausted.

My aunt will be back again next week. She said something about taking it easy next weekend...then mentioned wanting to see a cemetery in an obscure town where she says we are related to most of the people in it. Again, WE arent related to these people. SHE is. Honestly, I havent seen her this deep in denial since we took that trip to Egypt.

*zing*