Awww.... my arm is asleep

Lea has this thing lately where she wants to sleep on you. Its cute and I love snuggling with her but its very hard to get anything done. Right now I need to make her more formula and wash bottles but I stuck here on the couch...poor me.
Well, I could get up and do what I need to do. When I put her down I usually have a half hour to an hour window where shes fine. She stretches, makes little sleepy smacky mouth noises, farts, and figures out your not there... then she pouts until you pick her back up.

I think I will just stay here for a while and wait for Game of Thrones to load.

Sleep, eat, poop, repeat

Ok, so I may have over estimated my ability to get things done while on maternity leave.
I had planned on starting some crafts and seeing if they would be profitable online, cooking again, working on some reorganizing of the house, and getting in as much of a workout as I could before things started to hurt.

Im not doing so well with that plan. I havent drawn anything, I havent created anything, I have done SOME cooking and cleaning but not a lot. After the first week of being home sleep deprivation snuck up on me and kicked my ass so I really needed to nap when Lea was sleeping. Now I've hit a point where I spend 2 days where I can be up all day doing things, then I need a day where I sleep whenever Lea sleeps. So far those 2 days of productivity have been spent on having visitors over or running errands.
I think it would be a lot worse if Maor had a normal job. Because he has a 24 hour on call job there are days where hes gone all day but there are also days like today where hes home almost all day so I can nag him to do some chores or hand over Lea and take a shower or a nap.
Working out is currently not an option. The weather has been nice so I have been taking Lea out for walks but I noticed that if I go too far I feel like its the day after I gave birth again. Its kind of a, my guts feel like they are about to fall out of my vagina, feeling. Its unpleasant.

So its almost been 3 weeks and Im starting to have a bit of anxiety about going back to work. Maor and I have agreed that I wont be going back to my retail job, it doesnt make sense to. We would actually lose money if Maor stayed home to take care of Lea while I worked on days where we cant take her to daycare. There is a very real possibility that I will be taking a job with another company right away.
On the one hand: Yay, a job that had normal hours so Lea can go to daycare.
On the other hand: NOoooooooooooooo....... my baby! Strangers no touchy!!!!!!!! SHE WILL NEVER BE OK WITHOUT ME!!!

Thats probably not true but it keeps me awake at night thinking about dropping her off at daycare. I wish I could find a way to work from home...or win the lottery... or sell a painting for a couple thousand dollars so I can at least stay home for another 3 months. I dont like the idea of handing her over to someone else so soon. Time needs to slow down.

Thank you!!

Thank you for the well wishes and happy birthdays to my Lea.

We are still getting adjusted to being parents but we are doing well. We havent gone crazy from lack of sleep yet. I am going a little crazy from not leaving the house in a week. Its too cold lately to take her out for a walk (and its been raining every other day) and Im sure as hell not taking her into public places. I got nervous enough taking her to her doctors appointment where all those germy snotty children were sneezing all over the damn place.

I do have to take her back to the doctor next week. She didnt gain any weight back after leaving the hospital (but she didnt lose any either) so they want to see her again. I dont understand why because all the parenting books I read say that most babies lose a little weight in the first couple of weeks then gain it back. I think they just really like seeing me.

Lea also got a very nice present in the mail yesterday! A turtle night light and a sheep that sings. I put the sheep in her pack-n-play that we set up in the living room (its way easier to set her down there then keep walking back and forth to her bedroom during the day). When she wakes up she likes to look at it. Im not sure if shes thinking "what the hell is that?" or "I have gas" or she could be trying to send distress signals to it because these two crazy giants stole her from the warm place and keep dressing her up in cute outfits.
Anyway, Im sure she says "Thank you for my new friend!"

Baby Lea

She finally came out.

Monday we went to the hospital in the afternoon because I once again thought my water had broken. It hadent but I was also starting to have real contractions. They werent too painful and 10 minutes apart so I was sent home.

They got worse. The pain was horrible but I refused to even try to go to the hospital again until they were 2 minutes apart. 

At 2am on Tuesday I woke up Maor and told him we needed to go to the hospital. 

We checked in and they got me hooked up to gadgets. I was only dilated to 1 when I got there (1 out of 10). A nurse gave me some drug that begins with an n to try and take the edge off the contractions so I could get a little sleep while they waited for me to dilate more.

At 7am the nurses switched and the new nurse that came in was less "what do you want to do?" and more "Im telling you what to do". She checked me and I was only dilated up to 3. After she checked me she started playing with my IV. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was upping my liquid so they could give me an epidural. I didnt ask for the damn epidural yet and didnt want to be stuck in the bed for the whole damn day when I was dilating so damn slowly so I told her to hold off and let me go walk around and at least wait for my mother to get to the hospital. 

At 1pm my mother was there and the militant nurse had decided that I was getting patocin because I was taking too damn long. Patocin forces contractions and while I did want the baby out I had heard horrible stories about how Patocin makes you fell like your dying. I told the nurse I wanted to go for another walk because as soon as they did the patocin I wanted that damn epidural in case the rumors were true.

......the rumors were really fucking true for me. A half hour after they pumped me full of patocin my contractions were so bad I was sobbing and shaking in pain. It was hands down, the worst fucking pain I have ever felt in my entire god damn life. It was so bad that when a contraction stopped I looked at Maor and his eyes were red (he doesnt cry, that is the closest I have ever seen him to crying). They were so bad that I didnt even feel the god damn epidural go in.
After that I shot up to 10 within a few hours.
I couldnt feel anything while pushing except pressure. Maor watched the whole thing. Im personally glad that I didnt see or feel shit until after they pulled her out and put her on my stomach.
I had to be sewn back together by the doctor. The healing process is a bitch. I feel like someone kicked the shit out of me.
We were only in the hospital for 2 days. Thank god cause the staff didnt communicate well so getting anything was a huge pain in the ass.

This is my Lea all cleaned up. I must say she is the cutest damn thing on the planet. 

Find me a trampoline!!

While I was at work Saturday I started having contractions that were 5 to 10 minutes apart. They werent painful, just really annoying. It feels like someone starts hugging me too damn hard and I cant breath.
I sucked it up until around 4pm when it just got too damn annoying to work anymore so I clocked out a couple hours early and went home.
Around 6 I started getting really light headed so we called the hospital and went in.
I thought the light headed thing was because I felt like I couldnt breath every 5 minutes but it turned out that my blood pressure was through the roof.
The nurse at the hospital told me to consider the annoying contractions my normal but they were really worried about my blood pressure so they wrote me a note saying "dont work!" and gave me a big orange bucket to collect my urine in for 24 hours so they could test for protein.

Monday I went in to the doctor and gave them my big nasty jug of urine. They checked my blood pressure again and I was back to normal. My doctor told me that while I dont have to be on bed rest anymore if it didnt effect my maternity leave I should just stay home.

So I called my boss and told her I am officially on LOA.

And now I have nothing to do but sit around and wait. I am not good at waiting.
I dont know what to do with myself.

Im going to go drive my car over speed bumps at 45mph...see if that doesnt get her the fuck out.