Immora- Intergalactic Princess

Most expensive horror film ever

2012-02-01T22:05:00.000-08:00

Work is giving me a head ache. Its been slow but we had inventory, I dont have an assistant, my part timers are all SUPER part time which is hard to schedule, and my boss doesnt listen worth a damn.
I did hand my boss a doctors note telling her I can only work 8 hours a day and 40 hours a week. She freaked out on me when I told her I also faxed a copy to HR. I dont understand why she got so uppidy, its not a busy season and other stores are lending me their part timers who arent getting the hours they want at their stores. No biggie... only being able to work 40 hours a week isnt hurting anything. Im just covering my ass with the doctors note.

I do have one situation with work that I dont quite know how to handle. An employee Im merely putting up with until I can build up enough reason to fire her wants to be my assistant. When she told me she was interested in the position I just about had a kitten. When I was first hired with the company this particular person suddenly went from being able to work anytime to being able to work twice to three times a week for 2 to 3 hour shifts. I couldnt put her on the schedule because thats impossible to work with. She was upset that I didnt schedule her so instead of saying something to me, she called HR and told them I was discriminating against her because of her age.
Apparently shes been laid off (she says anyway... Im sure she was fired for being a bitch that no one wants to work under) and is very interested in my open position. While I would normally just tell someone that they would be stupid to think I would want them as my assistant after pulling shit like that...she would probably make it an HR issue. So I lied and said that my boss has to make the approvals on internal promotions.
Im pretty sure Ive decided on who to hire anyway.

Maor and I have started birthing classes. I cant decide if I made the right decision to actually pay to watch horrifying birthing videos. In one video a woman gave birth doggy style. All the other moms either have stomachs of steel or are tuning it out because I seem to be the only woman who has a look of horror on her face when they show a close up of a wrinkly gray head coming out of a vagina. One dad looked like he was going to puke last week when the teacher passed around some pointy probe that gets screwed into the babies head during birth.
Maor is unfazed by the ickness, instead hes now overly concerned about every ache I have because hes worried about the baby coming to early.

Squirmy

2012-01-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

Went to my ultra sound. The baby is just fine... she just likes to sit so that shes unnoticed.
There were two students who sat in on the ultra sound. I kinda wish they could come to all my appointments because the tech explained a lot of stuff to them that I wouldnt even have thought to ask about, like how you can tell organs are working right and blood is pumping the right way. She was pointing out how everything looked good and WHY it looked good which made it impossible for my neurotic mind to wonder if they werent telling me something.

They took a lot of pictures for us but once again couldnt get any good ones because she squirms too much and sits with her arms and feet right in front of her head.

Tonight Maor and I are going to a massage. Maor has been having major muscle pain lately....and I just think I deserve it.

2012-01-10T17:17:00.001-08:00

Ahhh finally 2 days off in a week. Its almost like a vacation!!

I almost didnt get the days off. I have been told to fire someone. Normally I love firing people but I dont think this person deserves it... its really just an HR mandated thing instead of a common sense thing. I was asked if I could come in on my day off and fire her...then of course work her shifts...I told my boss no and told HR to suck it. Was she did to get herself on the chopping block was not a major offence and it took HR 2 months to finally say "yep, shes out" so Im not canceling my doctors appointment and coming in on my day off to work overtime. Not worth it. Especially after I figured out that once I hit overtime I dont make time and a half... I make less then min wage. I really need to look into the laws on that one.

My doctors appointment left me confused. I didnt get my normal sarcastic bitchy nurse (I like her because shes very to the point) I got a sickeningly sweet thing that didnt listen to a damn word I said. I tried telling her that I had called in last week (and was brushed off) because I was having weird pains after working a long shift and she brushed it off as gas pains. When I repeated this to the doctor he said, "Thats not good. Make sure the hospital actually pages me next time."
I told the sweet nurse about how I wanted a doctors note saying I shouldnt work over 40 hours a week anymore because I keep getting these pains when Im running around so much and she said, "Oh your fine!" When I asked the doc about it he whipped up a note better than what I had hoped for.

They made me take a glucose test, which all my friends have been screaming about how disgusting and horrible it is, and it wasnt that bad. Its like drinking really sugary kool aid. I didnt have a problem sucking it down but 10 minutes later my burps were a bit syrupy.

The doctor said that Im much too small. Hes making me go in for an ultra sound. I didnt gain any weight over the last month....which I find confusing considering the mass quantities of food I eat.

So Im a bit nervous.

Idea!

2012-01-02T17:12:00.000-08:00

What I need to do is find a site where people pay to watch women eat!!
All eating cam shows, all the time!

I could pay for a lot of cupcakes if I got paid for eating cupcakes!!

*googles*

Happy New Year!!

2012-01-01T18:30:00.000-08:00

Last night our neighbors invited us over for their party.
I couldnt drink and only stayed for a little while but I told Mo that he could go ahead and get as shit faced if he wanted. Hes not a big drinker so I didnt actually expect to wake up to him puking his guts out at 2am.
Im not going to lie. I laughed. I know his pain and I felt bad but I laughed because he usually knows better. Hes the good one between the two of us.

Im usually wondering what the year is going to be like. It kinda spoils things to start the year out married AND pregnant. You dont wonder if your going to meet that special someone or if your going to need the morning after pill... its too late for that.
Instead Im wondering how quickly all the tax forms will come in so I can get that done with.
Im kidding... kinda. Life isnt that depressing.
This year Mo and I are going to look into buying a house.
Im going to try and find another job because retail makes me want to shoot myself but I really like money.
We are going to try and visit Israel again later in the year.
...if we cant do Israel Im dropping the kid off with Grandma and we around going to a beach somewhere.
Im also going to try and do my sketch a day thing again. Im already struggling to get going with it. I have a good few hours before I go to bed. I'll probably put it off for another couple of hours.

Its over!!

2011-12-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

Christmas was never my favorite holiday. After this year I've gone from "Meh, its an ok holiday." to "Fuck Christmas!"

I spent 12 hours a day every damn day this week engraving and dealing with the prissiest people on the fucking planet. I usually didnt even get time to eat at work so I came home just about every day this week somewhere around 1am exhausted and hungrier than hell.
Mo being a wonderful husband always made sure to have food and tea ready for me when I got home. That took the edge off the horrible days a bit.
The first couple of days the hours and stress kinda sucked. The last couple of days it got so bad that I did come very close to passing out at work. When I tried to sleep at night my legs would cramp up every hour or so which woke me up because of the pain.

A manager from another store (the person who trained me) actually went into early labor because of stress. Her baby is ok but is in an incubator.

My boss actually called me up last night and asked me if I had fun. Fun? Fun!? Fuck you! Fuck this company and their fucking chinese overtime, their mandatory 2 weeks of working without a damn damn off, fuck the 125 hours where I didnt get to sit down once, fuck the five pounds I lost from not eating right while Im fucking pregnant, fuck these needy fucking customers who act like the world is ending if something doesnt go their way, and FUCK your stupid "One more day! I really appreciate you guys!" mass text message you sent me and everyone else at 7 in the FUCKING MORNING when I didnt get home and to bed till 3 AM and had to go in again at 12pm!!

.....I told her "it was interesting." then I went home and told my husband that I'll be using my maternity leave to find a new job.

Im not doing that again. Valentines day in a chocolate store was WAY easier and the complete lack of appreciation for employees was a slap in the face.

So tired...

2011-12-17T20:54:00.000-08:00

I think I will just go over there and lay down...to die.

Im so fucking tired. I worked 53 hours this week and get to look forward to a 56 hour work week next week (that doesnt include all the days I will be more than likely staying late to make sure things get done).
I hate Christmas. A crap ton of money and stress on one day of one-upping each other. Adults who love Christmas scare the crap out of me because Im certain they are on some sort of mind altering drugs or are secretly serial killers.

I've been told by my doctor that I cant go down hill skiing. Damn doctors and their stupid rules.

I was really going to write about something else but Im too tired to remember what.

Idiots and Pants

2011-11-27T16:59:00.001-08:00

My boss called into work and asked my assistant manager what we needed for the day. My assistant said she didnt know.
After that my boss called me up and said, "We are moving her to another store. I cant stand her anymore!"
YES!!

So the idiot is gone.

Black friday was a huge let down in my store. It never got busy. People were going for the department stores or walking around without shopping bags. I dont know why everyone decided to window shop on black friday but thats what they were doing. I had to work from 4:30 am to 5:30pm and I honestly feel like it was a huge waste of my time and company overtime. Ive never been so disappointed as a manager at the start of holiday season. Im usually stressed out from too many people.

In baby news: my cloths just dont fit anymore. A couple weeks ago I gave in a went up a bra size because my boobs were uncomfortably spilling out of my bra. Today I went to put on my jeans and could not button them without being incredibly uncomfortable. So I cried a little to myself and told Mo we needed to go to the mall and get me new pants. Ive been dreading this day because buying pants is a huge pain in the ass to begin with. I am very skinny and tall so if pants fit me in the waist they are too short in the legs or if they fit me in the legs they are too big in the waist. This was exactly the same. I went through 5 maternity stores before I found a pair of pants that fit perfectly. They were god damn expensive but I cant take my regular jeans anymore. I will say, they are fucking comfy. Im not a huge fan of the stretchy waist that your supposed to pull up over your belly up to your tits so I just rolled it down to my waist. I also bought a couple of work shirts for later down the road when my regular sweaters just wont be able to stretch anymore.

Mo and I did register for baby items but Im not going to post the registry link here. Instead Im just going to add the unnecessary geeky things I want that I know no one in my family will buy us for the baby on my regular wishlist, like the portal companion cube I would love to put in her crib.

http://amzn.com/w/1JQD6BNZE3DTT

First Doctors Appointment

2011-11-22T17:31:00.001-08:00

Today was our first doctors appointment.

We had to see a nurse first to go over a giant packet of first baby stuff. They usually go over what to expect in every trimester and give you a few different choices on tests to check for......something. Im not sure what I missed because the nurse kept picking up a packet and saying, "Cant do that anymore. Missed that. Over that. Morning sickness?? No? Nevermind. Well are you going to breast feed? No? Ok... would you like a flu shot while your here?"
We got through the packet so fast that the nurse had enough time to run down to the ultrasound lady and sweet talk her into fitting us in.
Usually your supposed to drink a bunch of water an hour before the appointment so they can squish the baby and see it better. The nurse missed the memo that I thought I was around 3 or 4 months and made me pee in a cup to take a pregnancy test before handing me the packet. So my bladder was empty which made the ultrasound lady nervous about letting me in until she saw how skinny I am.

It was pretty freaky watching the baby squiggle around in me. I had assumed I was just gassy a lot but it turns out the baby kicks and punches... a lot...which feels like little gas bubbles right now. Eventually though it wont tickle so much.
We found out that Im not 3 or 4 months. Im 5 months, My due date is April 7th.
We also found out we are having a girl. A squiggly little girl thats all arms and legs...and her feet look huge already.

Mo is very happy.

Stats, bending over, and... what was I saying?

2011-11-12T18:36:00.001-08:00

One obsession I have is checking the stats on my blogs. I have 3, one of which I dont update anymore because it was purely for a trip to Israel. Im going to keep it open because I do plan on adding to it every time we go back to Israel because that itty bitty country is so odd Im sure I will have something to talk about.
In terms of traffic this blog always gets more hits... and probably always will considering where people are coming from. In terms of how people find this blog, its never exciting to look up the keywords that brought people here. On my other blogs people stumble in by looking up strange things like Japanese sing offs, bumble bee lovin, and spork aggression. Once I even had a guy send me an email informing me that he needed directions from one part of Europe to another ASAP. I dont know why google brought him to me but I guess my blog made it seem like I was an extension on TomTom for the UK.

I have a doctors appointment coming up soon. My first one. This is good because Im just noticing that bending over is becoming difficult. I have to do it very slowly to give my insides time to adjust or else its just fucking painful.

Im mentally still adjusting. Occasionally I'll see a picture of a cute kid on the internet and be all "Awww... I get to have something stupidly cute (I hope) soon." And other times Im sitting on the couch playing video games and I suddenly think, "I will never get this much time to myself ever again." and I die a little inside.

Other times I'll be thinking something to myself then get distracted and never get that original thought back. I could even be in the middle of a sentence and just lose my end point completely.

I did start up a ChipIn thing... over there to the right.
Its still to early to start up a registry because we dont know if its a boy or a girl. Im pretty sure we are going to get to find out soon after our first doctors appointment....maybe even at the first doctors appointment if they whip out an ultra sound machine.
I dont actually expect anyone who visits this blog to donate for a diapers and formula cause. I dont do shows or picture sets anymore so I dont really have anything to trade. I was thinking of maybe doing a non nude picture set for anyone who donates over $10 but Im at a loss for ideas of theme.

Happy Nerd New Year!!

2011-11-11T08:35:00.001-08:00

Im bringing my sonic screw driver to work.

Maybe the machines wont dare to break down on me today.

Sadly, Im the only one who is going to get the sonic screwdriver thing.... my employees are boring.

I want I want I want I want!!!

2011-11-08T20:13:00.000-08:00

If I was still a kid I would show this to my mommy and tell her I would DIE if I didnt get this for Christmas.

Doctor Who Monopoly
....I tried using the same tactic on my husband but he thinks the price is a bit high.
I must be losing my cuteness.

The price IS a little high...unless one of the pieces is K9. That would be epic.

Projects

2011-11-06T14:18:00.000-08:00

Ive been feeling antsy lately.
If Im not working then I feel like I have to be doing something...except cleaning. I want to be out, I want to go shopping (I hate shopping), I want to move shit around....but I dont want to do the dishes, unless there is absolutely nothing else to do.

I signed up for the Sketchbook Project so maybe my antsiness will go into something productive. I do tend to put an extreme amount of effort into things I've paid for.
I also ordered a ton of prints of me and Mo from the past 2 years. 347 photos that Im going to go through and put into albums. For some reason I feel the need to have physical photo albums now. Maybe its because Mo's computer died a few weeks ago and we almost lost 400 photos from our trip to Israel.
I can have a million hard drives but sometimes they die.
Of course fire would destroy both....cant really win there.

At least it gives me something to do.

Suprise

2011-11-02T15:22:00.000-07:00

Last weekend my mom, little sister, and little brother came up to visit us.

I finally told them that Mo and I have been married for a while. I did lie a little more and tell them we have only been married for 10 months...instead of a year and 10 months.

I also let them know that Im pregnant.

My little brother is a 12 yr old pain in the ass. He didnt care.

My little sister thinks its cool. I cant wait to make her babysit. I changed her diapers all the time when she was a baby, its payback time now.

I cant really tell if anyone else in my family cares. My 82 year old grandma seemed a little "been there done that" which I kinda expected.

Everyone else is kinda like me. They dont really get all emotional and gushy until the thing is out and they can spoil it.

So the weekend was fun. No one was that pissed off at me.

My birthday was uneventful. Mo and I both worked so we were super tired after we got home.

We were going to go to a fancy restaurant tonight but Im really sick so I think thats out. I dont want to go to a place so expensive they dont list price tags when I cant taste a damn thing.

Mo got me a Swarovski necklace. Hes not very good at gift buying so I made it easy for him by dragging him into the store and saying, "Get me that one!"

My mom bought us a crock pot and photo albums for my birthday. Now I need to print off the 2 years of photos and put them in the books.

It was a nice birthday.

Im going to snuggle with a jug of OJ now and pass out....

Actually, maybe I want soup...

OJ, Soup, then nap...

Im Batman!

2011-10-18T20:52:00.001-07:00

Halloween Decorations

2011-10-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

This is my first time living in a house so I was very excited to put up actual Halloween decorations. Mo and I went to a few Halloween stores and bought some cute decorations.
Mo really wanted to get those pumpkin leaf bags but we couldnt find them anywhere so we got a spider leaf bag instead at a dollar store. Sadly most of the legs were ripped when Mo went to put it together so our spider only has 3 legs.

We are the only fun people on the block apparently. No one else has Halloween decorations up.

I think tomorrow Im going to carve pumpkins. Now that its cold out Im not as worried about them rotting too fast. I am a little worried about the squirrels eating them though.

Everything comes to an end

2011-10-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

Im usually very excited for my birthday. Its the day after Halloween so I usually get to dress up and get candy and the next day I get cake and presents! What isnt to love!

For the past 8 years I have gone to my parents house Halloween night to help my little brother and sister dress up and take them trick or treating with my aunt and grandma who come from MA to see everyone. They always came on Halloween because thats prime picture time for my aunt. (If you ever wanted to know what it was like to be attacked by paparazzi, spend a day with her) Then I would go home, change into my nerdy yet slightly slutty costume, and go out to the bars with my girlfriends. The next day I would nurse the hang over and go back to my parents house to hang out with my family and eat cake.

This year Im a little bummed. My new job requires that I work Halloween night and on my birthday so I cant make the drive down to see my family or go out with my friends now that I live in another state. I cant find a good excuse to make my nerdy Dalek costume because Mo and I dont know the area we live in well enough to know if there are even good Halloween parties going on around here. (Im very picky about my Halloween parties. Costume contests better be kick ass...none of this store bought shit going on)
Also my aunt and grandma will not be coming up this year to visit. They have decided my little brother and sister are too damn old to be cute when it comes to Halloween. Im not as disappointed by there decision as I was 3 months ago. Now that Im going to have a totally adorable little monster I know they will try to come out and visit in person at least twice a year. Im pretty sure I will get Halloweens because my only cousin who has kids lives in the mountains of Colorado.... trick or treating requires a five mile hike to the next house in snow. She can have Christmas.

I think my parents knew I was going to be bummed because they are coming up to spend the weekend before my birthday with me. I want to take my little brother and sister to Valley Fair. Im not sure if we can stay long enough for the haunted houses to open though because my little brother is a woosie child. I dont know where he gets it... no one else in our family is as sensitive as him.
Its going to suck not being able to go on rides but Im sure Mo will be more than happy to keep me company while everyone else goes on roller coasters. They scare the shit out of him.

New baby room idea!

2011-10-11T16:52:00.001-07:00

Portal!

With companion cube toy boxes.

Thats it. Portal room for a girl, Doctor Who room for a boy.

Happy Yom Kippur... Im starving

2011-10-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

For anyone who doesnt know what Yom Kippur is... I'll give you a second to skim through this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yom_Kippur

....
Ok, now that your done reading that. Forget what it said about people spending time in intense prayer. Mostly we just sit around playing board games, sleeping, and trying to remember not to turn on the lights when we walk into a room.

Mo and I did a slightly complicated puzzle, Mo cheated at monopoly (I had all of the boardwalk end WITH hotels, there is no way I could have lost unless he was cheating), and then I cheated and ate a cookie (because I was starving and the baby needed it!)

Hope everyone else Yom Kippur went well.
If it didnt...well your screwed now.

Geeky room themes

2011-09-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

So I've been trying to get excited about the baby.

I still find it really hard to look forward to being prodded at by doctors, pooping in front of strangers, and not sleeping for months.

Anyway, trying to focus on the positives. Like adorable outfits, toys, and a room theme....

For a boy, of course its going to be a Doctor Who themed room. I guess I could do that for a girl too but Im trying to think of more ideas.
Im not a huge wonder woman fan.

Any ideas?
I also like the idea of doing a Harry Potter theme... though it seems like a bit of a cop out considering I have been randomly collecting Harry Potter toys sense the books hit the US in 92.

Last day? Soo soon?

2011-09-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

After my father in law came back from vacation with his ex wife (my husbands mother) he was so homesick for Israel that he bought a plane ticket home early.

Tonight is his last night here. I came home from work and he had cooked ALL the food in the house because he invited a couple friends over. Ummm... okey dokey, I hope they are seriously hungry because 2 people cant eat this many freaking leftovers before they go bad.

He also went to the store and stocked our fridge with wine and beer. Ok, awesome. Sooo... we ran out of juice and anything nonalcoholic a few days ago, I guess I'll have tap water.

In the bathroom I noticed hes probably been drinking all day.
Cool, last day in the US, live it up... but just so you know, Im filling the fridge with bacon next time you come to the US. I might also put cheerios in the toilet so you have something to aim for.

Guess the cam girl

2011-09-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

So for my sketch for today I *tried* to do a quick sketch of someone I really like following.

Lets see if anyone can guess who. Thats a sure indication on if I did a good job or if it sucks.

IM UNSTOPPABLE!

2011-09-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

Sweet!!

I got a nice surprise after I got home from work. A freaking sonic screwdriver!!

Nothing says awesome like a toy sonic screwdriver!!

Not sure who its from but THANK YOU!!

...Mo is currently chasing the cat around with it. Shes not so happy about it.... but we are!!

Im super excited about starting my Dalek costume now!!

Also, I hope Amy isnt gone from the show for good.

Last day of freedom!

2011-09-14T16:53:00.000-07:00

I havent had my own car in a little over a year. Its really not THAT bad. Except that anytime I want to go somewhere I need to wait until Mo is home if its not biking distance.

While Mo's dad has been gone he gave me permission to use his truck. For the most part I just used it to go to and from work but seeing as hes coming home tonight I took full advantage of the mobility and spent all day finding reasons to drive around. I went and bought Halloween decorations, I hit up IKEA for a new microwave stand, went to Game Stop and got Dead Island, and sat in a Starbucks for an hour just to have a pumpkin latte and read. It was a very nice day.

I figured I should have a nice last day of freedom, not only with full mobility but running around naked as well. I did everything with the doors open today. I showered with the door open, cleaned the house in nothing but my underwear, and went to the bathroom whenever I wanted...with the door open.

Im really not looking forward to Mos dad coming home. Nice guy but I really love having my space.

Back to drawing

2011-09-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

On my other blog, 1 Locked up Spork and a Crayon I have been trying to draw something new every day for a year. I ended up taking a 2 month break after getting my new full time job. Between working all day and the whole baby thing I've been so exhausted at the end of the day that picking up anything but my laptop or a book seemed like it would break me in half.

I am happy to say that I have my energy back. Which is good but also worries me.

Anyway, I've picked up my pen and paper again and Im determined to get back on task with my sketches.

I'll be posting the sketches over at 1 Locked up Spork and a Crayon.

Also, I'll be starting on my geeky Halloween costume soon. I cant wait!

No, Im not excited

2011-09-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

When I open my store I like to grab a cup of coffee before I go in. I havent worked there for that long but the coffee shop people were really quick to pick up on my normal order of a large espresso.

Now my order has changed to a small espresso and after a few days they started to look at me funny. One lady finally asked me why I switched and I told her the reason for my cutting the caffeine. She instantly burst into excited squeals, congratulated me, and asked me if I was excited.

"Nope."

Her happy face turned to something that very subtly said, "Your a horrible person but Im trying not to be too judgy... your going to hell."

Im seriously getting sick of that question and the reactions I get.

No, Im not excited. I dont understand why people enjoy being tired all the time, having to pee every 10 seconds, morning sickness, this new smelling super power (ok, at times its awesome because I can smell brownies from 10 miles away but I can also smell unpleasant things and people), crazy ass mood swings, and the thought that after carrying around a bowling ball, getting poked at and lectured by doctors, you get to push it out in front of people. Woohoo!! I cant believe I didnt do this to myself earlier! This is awesome!

Excited for the end result maybe? That adorable screaming, pooping, hungry succubus that will probably need glasses and braces and at some point crash my car and invite all its little succubus friends to my refrigerator...... yeah, totally looking forward to it. Im sure I will love it but I will forever be reminding myself that it would have been cheaper to get a puppy.

I will be this kind of mom

2011-08-30T19:09:00.001-07:00

This is why I usually dont listen to people....

2011-08-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

Today I had the most perfect waste of an hour and $15 because my friends were all, "You should go to Planned Parenthood so can get vitamins and they will tell you stuff."
Seemed like a good idea. Get some vitamins that Im sure would cost a fortune if I tried to go into a doctors office without insurance. Maybe get a due date or some sort of blood test to make sure Im not really carrying some sort of half breed alien monster from space. (I dont even go to the doctor for yearly physicals. I watch TV. On TV if you give a doctor 15 minutes he tells you that your going to die of super black death ice cream cancer then 10 minutes later hes cured you! So dont judge!)

So I went to Planned Parenthood, paid $15, filled out some paperwork, and peed in a cup, then waited a bit. When they called me in the woman asked me to sit down and said, "Your pregnant."
I looked at her and said, "Yeah, I know."
Silence.
She looked down at the chart and looked back at me and said, "Oh, well you should start looking for a regular doctor."
"Thats the problem. My insurance doesnt work until October so I was hoping to get all that pregnancy stuff you need done here until then."
"We dont do that."
"You dont?"
"No. I would give you the forms to get state care but Im pretty sure you wont qualify."
"Your right, I wont. Sooooo.... can I get these pill thingies people keep telling me I should be taking here?"
"No. You can get them at any pharmacy in the vitamins section."
"Ok, well is there any way of knowing how far along I am?"
"When was your last period?"
"July 10th-ish"
The lady spins a little paper dial, "Im guessing about 6 weeks."
"Yeah I was guessing that too..."

Annnd that was it.
Such a disappointment.

The epic battle that you totally slept through

2011-08-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

Last night I was having problems sleeping. Mostly because Mo kept waking me up with time sensitive matters like buying tickets to the midnight showing of Conan the Barbarian.

So around 1am I kinda half woke up to the feeling of hair sliding down my forehead. I went to push it out of the way and got this creepy ass feeling that something just ran across my face.
I sat up and turned on the light to find Mo sleeping on his side facing away from me and a HUGE FREAKING BROWN SPIDER chilling on his shoulder trying to blend in with our blankets.

I jumped up, grabbed a DVD case off the dresser and announced in my calmest half asleep-freaked out-almost-yelling voice, "Dont move! I got this! Im going to kill this sucker!"
My half asleep brain didnt realize that Mo was still asleep and totally unaware of the half dollar sized spider perched on this shoulder like a parrot.

I hit the spider kinda gently at first cause I felt bad about hitting Mo. I screamed "I got him!" and lifted the DVD case up then screamed "Shit! Hes still alive!" as the spider ran down to Mos leg.
The stupid spider was fast and built like a tank. It ran up and down Mo as I wacked at it for a good 30 seconds screaming "Sorry!" every time I hit him.
Finally, the spider got back up to Mos shoulder and I wacked it as hard as I could. The spider crumpled in defeat onto the bed and Mo sat up and looked at me like, "What did I do?" as I pumped my fist in the air and screamed "I got him!!!"

Mo just blinked at me and said, "Why did you hit me?"
"I told you there was a spider! Look! Its freaking huge!"
Mo looked at the spider, "Wow, hes big! You killed him?"

....No, I asked him politely to go to hell, so he did.
Im bummed. I hate spiders and usually run away from them and get someone else to kill them but this time I valiantly squished the sucker myself which probably saved Mo from getting his brains sucked out by the monster and he slept through it!
I didnt even get a thank you.

Decisions have been made.

2011-08-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

I guess Im going to be a mommy

....unless this is a phantom pregnancy brought on by the woman who was training me being super pregnant and constantly telling me shes contagious

....or I sneeze too hard. I heard sneezing too hard could dislodge the kid.

Fuckberries

2011-08-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

Just tested positive for babies.

Not sure how I feel about that.

Also not sure what Im going to do about it. Im going to think on it for a couple of days.

I can has my house back now?

2011-08-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

My father in law lives with us.

That should be the end of my post. Everyone feel my pain. Goodnight.

But it wont be because

A) Hes not a horrible person. I would never say he is.

B) My foreign father in law is living with us.

My father in law married a crazy trailer trash woman here in the US. I knew she was crazy trailer trash. I knew it wouldn't last. Now we can all say that I have the gift of calling trailer trash as I see it. I wouldnt say he didnt have his faults in the relationship. He does call my husbands mom an awful lot...

I dont hate my husbands dad being here. He is a very nice man.... but he does kinda drive me crazy...

He sings. Off key, in Hebrew...LOUDLY all day long. My husband does the same thing. It was annoying when it was one person, now its even more annoying in stereo.

He likes to talk for the sake of talking which is my BIGGEST pet peve. Trying to fill awkward silence is one thing, but when Im in the middle of a video game and a 50ish yr old man walks into a room to talk I do not want to pause my game for this:

Him: "You know salad is the healthiest for you."

Me: "Yep."

Him: "You know why its healthy?"

Me: "uh"

Him: "Because its made of vegetables!"

Me: "Yeah... it sure is..."

Also, he cooks. This should be an awesome thing. I work full time now. My husband works full time. Coming home to food should be great! .....Its not.... he uses so much oil in his food that it separates on the plate. There is no flavor and hes PROUD of the fact that he doesnt taste his food while cooking. I've been told that he has owned 3 restaurants in the past. Im pretty sure they failed but no one will actually say it. I dont want to insult him so I just buy food before I leave work and say its left over from lunch. I havent had a day off around him yet. Im coming up on one and Im actually planning lies to get out of the talapia/salmon/canned corn/ oil surprise he so fond of making.I can now understand why my husband loves my cooking.

One last problem. I cant walk around my own house naked!! Why the hell should I pay rent when I cant run around in my birthday suit whenever the hell I want! I sleep naked. If I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I have to get up, put on cloths, walk 5 feet to the bathroom, do my business, walk back, get undressed, and go back to bed.

THAT SHIT JUST PISSES ME OFF!

Forget everything else. I want him out just so I can have naked time again. I dont stand for that shit! There is a reason why I never lived with room mates!

*completely unrelated note. Since I got back into the cam thing. I did the camgirl thing and got a wishlist again... but the only thing I could think of off the top of my head that I wanted was a Sonic screwdriver and the Firefly DVD set. So if you want to bring me non naked joy...or want to help my husband locksmith business (cause he would be FUCKING UNSTOPPABLE with a sonic screwdriver) thats here: http://amzn.com/w/1JQD6BNZE3DTT

Otherwise...send nudz to immora01@gmail.com and add me as a Google+ friend*

Back in Black

2011-08-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

Im back on CW.

I told my husband, "Look, this is what I like to do. Would you prefer me being on CW or do you want me to terrorize the neighbors with my stupid naked antics?"

Guess which one he agreed to.Lots of things seem to have changed in the last year.

If you want to catch up on my life so far you can do so here: http://sporksandcrayons.blogspot.com/

if you need to email me Im here: immora01@gmail.com

I do have a Google+ profile. I dont have a facebook.

I will be using this blog so more will be added...as life goes on.

Im very excited to be back!